Hi everyone I am a closet Bisexual. This is something I think deep down I always new to some degree. about a year after meeting my S/O it became more obvious (to me) after knowing her for so long - as you can probably guess - it felt harder to tell her. I want to tell her; to be honest but I'm scared to death that she won't accept it and relationship over. on the other hand I have been told by the one person I have told to keep it to myself as I have made commitments to her and there is no point risking. first question from this person was do you want to try other things as it were, I said no so he said what's the point then (make sense?) basically I'm hoping to get a bit of advice from different people, do I - don't I? if yes how & why? if no, why? I have been to one forum everyone was adamant that I should tell there was no other side to the topic. also if I do tell, is there anyway I can sort of drop hints or something rather than just blurt it out? many thanks P.S. I hope what I have written makes sense I'm not the best at writing.
It can be tough, a lot of girls don't take kindly to it. My ex girlfriend (who I'm very close with now) tells me that she would never be able to date me now, because of how she would worry. It's bad enough feeling like your guy might in interested in other girls, essentially. But being bisexual, I would suspect that it would make a lot of girls wonder if you really mean gay and ashamed of it. I think this is something better to communicate before a relationship starts. But we don't have time for "should'ves." Are you prepared to deal with the consequences? Because if she's like my ex, it might make her question everything she knows. Is he really attracted to me, was he faithful? Was he thinking about guys in the bedroom? How did I not see this? Is it because I'm ugly? Did I drive him to this? Is this my fault? what am I supposed to do? How should I react? Can I trust him? what if he wants to go sleep with guys to try it? .... You get the picture. In my case, I destroyed her sense of self worth, and I stayed committed to being there for her as she wanted and needed me. We talked on and off, she said we wouldn't talk anymore, then she called me again, and now we talk all the time and have a whole new understanding. Two days ago we were talking about dicks and she laughed and asked how she ever could have dated me, and why we're not best friends (all her male friends are gay lol). I think that's a worst case scenario you would want to strive for. Best case scenario, tell her you have this other layer to your personality and because you love and respect her and are committed to her you just wanted to get it out in the open. All you can hope is that she'll trust you when you say it's not something that's going to affect your relationship. You're opening up to her, because you want her to really know you. And that's what matters. OR, keep it secret. Just don't sit on it til it explodes. You want to say what you have to say about yourself while you can control it. You don't want to be 40 and leave your wife and kids to go trawling through gay bars. Be proud of your multifaceted sexuality and nature. It only makes you a more complete and interesting human being. Anyone who can't appreciate that is at a loss.
I did the same thing. I kinda thought it was pointless coming out unless I ended up single again... but I only really admitted it fully even to myself when I was single again, so it wasn't bothering me really. Ideally you would be able to be honest about yourself rather than living a lie your whole life, but no one can tell you what's right in your situation except you. Good luck
