Hi Everyone, I'm in a problem which I can't find a way out off. I grew up in an area which was pretty homophobic, I'm in my mid 20s , I guess that in the time I grew up, many countries were considered hostile for LGBTs, but the thing is, I was bullied by some f***ing asshole for 3 years, even before I thought I might be gay (since the 7th to 9th grade), he made me feel like shit, he would threaten me physically, and sometime hit me, and calling me "gay" and other nicknames, for really no reason at that time. I've grew up, knowing it would be impossible for me to come out when threatened physically like this, although there were no laws against gays in my country since that time, coming out in my high-school seemed like a crazy option, since the atmosphere was just plain homophobic and threatening. I've dated women throughout my teens, I did find them attractive, and I still to some extent do, but ever since I felt attracted to a guy when I was 14, I can't stop thinking about trying that, I literally can't go on with my life, because I'm feeling like I'm not being myself, even my character and how I behave is "modified" by me to "suit" society, and that made me depressed for the last 3 years, and sometimes makes me wanna hurt myself. I would love to explore it freely, but I live in a small country, and I'm afraid my friends will know about it before I get a chance to understand who I am and everything will spin out of control, I know it's stupid but I can't shake that feeling from some reason. Anyway, I'm thinking of taking a trip for 2-3 months, and experimenting there with a guy I meet, in a country where it's safer, easier, and won't cause people to curse me for being who I am. I want to ask you what do you think , if it's a good idea? The problem I see is that assuming I'll try it with a guy, and I get this huge load off my shoulders, and finally understand who I am, I'm assuming I'll get so freaking emotional, and I'm afraid to be with no family around in this situations, I could really burst out there but will only be around strangers I just met a week ago, or worse someone who might take advantage of my situation. I'm just too afraid to experiment with this in my native country .. Oh god, I'm confused, please let me know your thoughts, sorry for the longg message, I'll appreciate any help very much, C.
Bless you, what a difficult situation! If you're worried about being alone and getting taken advantage of, you could do something organised like a gay singles holiday or something?
Mmm, Do you think it's likely to just meet bisexual people or people who want to experiment like me , in a trip ? 2-3 years ago I've visited New Zealand/Australia for 2 months, It was the best time of my life, I met 10 new people each day on average, and always got along well. The thing is , I don't know if people will get along with me as well as they did, when they'll see I'm Bi. I guess what I'm asking is, if it make sense to discover who you are sexually, on a trip in a foreign land ? because I remember how lite I felt travelling, and how some countries (the Netherlands , Australia , Thailand even ?) are cooler about sexual orientation than my native country. By the way, I wish I was ready for a 'gay singles holiday' , I just don't know who I am yet and it seems too far-out to join such trips.. Best regards and Thanks again C.
