1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Idea of Possibility Coming Out.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Andrew, May 26, 2008.

  1. Andrew

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2008
    Messages:
    420
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    Alright, Well I was thinking about coming out to my parents, because it just has been bugging the hell out of me. So, I was thinking since my parents are EXTREME homophobics.. and hate gays/lesbians/bisexuals. My friend was going to send an email asking a few questions about gays... Such as.. How do you feel about gay people.. This will be from an unknown email account and it will kind of look like a SPAM email.. Of some sort.

    Do you guys think this is a good idea? Also, do you guys have any questions my friend can put on the email!

    Thanks.
     
  2. s5m1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2007
    Messages:
    800
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    I would not waste your time with such an email. They will likely delete it without replying. Plus, it sounds like you already have a pretty good idea how they feel about gays. Instead, if you choose to come out to them, I suggest you focus your energy on deciding what you are going to say to them and how you are going to say it. You should download the PFLAG materials that Becky has made available with the link in the advice and support section of EC. If you can't find it, let me know, and I will send you the link. Good luck.
     
  3. Andrew

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2008
    Messages:
    420
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    uh, I think I would be thrown out of the house if I did that. =/ Thats how much they cant stand gay people...


    -Luis :tears:
     
  4. s5m1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2007
    Messages:
    800
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    Luis, I am sorry to hear that they are so homophobic. If that is the case, then I would factor that into my decision on whether to come out to them. You should not feel like you have to come out to them because others have done so. Only do it if it is right for you. It may be that you should wait a few years. Having said that, I have read a number of stories of homophobic parents who changed their views once it was their son who was gay. If it is important for you to come out to them now, then you have to do what you feel is right for you. You may have already seen posts from Becky on EC. She is very active in PFLAG and should be able to offer you some suggested strategies for approaching your parents.
     
  5. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Luis, if your parents are this bad, it might be better to wait until you are a little older as hard as that might be. You can kind of "condition" them in the meantime by bringing up the subject every now and then and try to educate them a little. There is some stickies at the top of Coming Out that are titled "Before Coming Out to Your Parents" that you should probably read. I know you want to be honest with them after all they are your parents and you love them. If you do want to come out and you do fear they might kick you out, you need to have a safe place to go as a back-up plan, ok? It might not go as bad as you think it will either, often times it doesn't.
     
  6. Alex

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2008
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Denmark
    I thought about making a couple of questions and pretend if it was from my school, and ask questions about it. But well it wouldnt help in any way really. So i wont be doing that.
     
  7. Andrew

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2008
    Messages:
    420
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    lol, They just dont want to know anything about gay people. its just how they are.. =/

    -Luis
     
  8. Alexander

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2007
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Red Hook NY
    I personally would wait until you have some money in the bank and a couple friends who you can live with if needed before you come out. If you can judge your parent's reactions from previous experiences of a serious nature, then you might be able to gauge what their reaction will be. I would tread lightly and cautiously.
     
  9. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi Luis! I agree with s5m1 and Becky. Although it is really up to you, I think it would be better if you wait. I don't think that sending them an e-mail is the way to go about it. You already know how they feel about homosexuality. If your parents are homophobic and you are concerned that they might throw you out, then it is best to wait until you are a bit older even though it might be hard to keep that secret from them.

    However, if you do feel that you are ready and you need to tell them, have a back-up plan just in case (as Becky mentioned above) and be prepared for any possibility. Do read the information on 'coming out to parents' on this site as well. What might also help is talking to a counselor at your school before you come out to your parents. Counselors will be able to give you some more information. It will also allow you to make sure that you are ready to deal with any consequences. Hope this helps.
     
  10. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    Luis, I can understand why you'd want to come out to your parents, and why you wouldn't want to wait. However, I agree with the advice that has been given before me - it sounds as though it could be unwise for you to come out at present, if you really do expect your parents to react so negatively. I certainly wouldn't get a friend to send a spam email as you suggest - this could possibly have the reverse effect that you'd like, in that your parents could possibly be annoyed by it, and focus this annoyance on gay people.

    I think that if you feel it is at all possible, you should wait until you are older, and preferably, until you are financially independent. You certainly need a circle of friends to support you, perhaps financially but definately emotionally, should things go wrong. If you expected your parents to be supportive, then I'd say you should go ahead; but the fact that you say they are extremely homophobic makes me think that it could be a bad idea. It is true that your parents might react very well: but from what you say, I'd say that at present it is best to wait, and perhaps to try and ease them in to it.

    But it's ultimately your decision, and if you decide to, I hope it goes well. You know your parents best. But don't let your impatience make you act rashly, because it could have far-reaching ramifications. I hope this helps :slight_smile: