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Coming out to my best friend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HM03, Sep 14, 2013.

  1. HM03

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    I'm thinking of coming out to one of my best friends in the very near future. I'm not out to anyone, and its starting to take its toll on me (i'm kind of paranoid and socially awkward-which I think being in the closet for a couple of years contributed to).

    There's this one friend that I'm planning on coming out to. I'm just so scared of her reaction. She's Christian, so in the beginning I thought it would be a bad idea. However, she has a really feminine guy friend (I'm not sure if he's gay or not; I have a horrible gaydar lol). I've done some facebook creeping, and she has a couple openly out people on there-One of which likes a few of her pictures and she likes a few of his. She also 'liked' Ellen. I've never shared something so personal (such as sexuality) with anybody else before.

    Sounds like she'd take it Ok, right? I guess there's not an actual question-just advice anyone?
     
  2. confused1234

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    You should do it. It sounds like you're ready. From personal experience, it's really a huge weight off of your shoulders, and it also sounds like your friend will be accepting. Good luck!
     
  3. Etak

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    It sounds like it should go OK. When I talked to my very Christian best friend about me liking girls, she was cool with it. Her first question was whether I was telling her because I was madly in love with her! I just told her "Darling, you're gorgeous, but you're not my type." :grin:

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. Good for you for being brave enough to even consider it. I had to get super hyped up on caffeine before I could. :slight_smile:
     
  4. method

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    Telling the first person is the hardest step (but it gets easier from there!).

    Start with: "hey, can I tell you something?"

    You can't get out of it at that point :wink:

    Good luck
     
  5. Episode

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    Hey if you're ready for it, you'll know, something inside you will tell you that you've found the right person to tell!

    Some advice when you're coming out, tell her you've been meaning to say it for a while, that you trust her with this... I think it's important to make them feel special when you're telling them, especially if you have second-thoughts about how accepting they will be (a.k.a. her being Christian)

    Best of luck buddy!
     
  6. Ohhai

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    Go for it! sounds like it'll be okay xx
     
  7. BelleLey

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    You should tell her, you will be so proud of yourself for taking this huge step and you'll be so relieved after it ! Let us know how it happened !
     
  8. HM03

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    We don't hang out a lot. On facebook we normally plan our hangouts. Should I hint that I want to say something on fb -that way it won't seem so random and I can't back out it? What do I if she thinks I'm joking? Somehow everybody thinks I'm straight :/.
     
  9. Anomander

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    If you find you cant do it in person, as I could, try writing a letter. I came out to my first friend via letter and it worked out well. It allows you to get all your thoughts down and proof read it a billion times so you know its perfect. And it give your friend time to take it in so there is nothing said out of turn via emotion that someone will end up regretting. Everyone always says don't do it when your drunk as well but I could not bite the bullet sober. I was able to send the letter via email after a night at the bars and know everything I wanted to say was perfect. I then texted him telling him to check his email.

    At the end of the day my friend was calling and texting me before he even finished the letter. Just an idea if you don't think you can do it in person. I am now out to 2 friends and there certainly is a weight off my shoulders. My depression has subsided a bit and the self hate has minimized itself. With that said I kinda feel like I am crawling back into the closet as I have not made any progress in like a month...
     
  10. hitgirl

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    I did it by text to make my own life easier. It was fantastic so I don't feel bad. Will do it in person at some point but why make a hard thing even harder? Good luck to you anyway :slight_smile:
     
  11. HM03

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    I DID IT! In person I said I need needed to tell her something..but I completely freaked out and didn't tell her. Later I Facebook messaged her and told her. Lame....I know.

    She took it well AND I FEEL SO FREE.

    Thanks guys for your advice :slight_smile:
     
  12. 2112

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    Congratulations!

    ...and I almost forgot the obligatory dancing bananas (!)(!)(!)
     
  13. bscott92

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    Telling that first person is the hardest. It gets easier as time goes on and you get more comfortable with it. Some of the friends I was most worried about took it the best.
     
  14. Daydreamer1

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    Give it a shot. You never know. When I came out to my friend who is a Christian (I believe), he had no problems at all. Although he was more curious what pansexuality meant, he was so accepting and laid back (even calling me one of the guys too). Religion can be tricky, but it doesn't mean right off the bat that they'll have some sort of phobic response.

    If you're not sure if you can "handle" doing it in person, send said friend a text or an e-mail. For some it's usually less stressful to come out through some written form since you can probably put your words together better.

    Regardless, I wish you the best of luck!