Having a hard time accepting

Everybody is going to go through acceptance differently. It's something that you absolutely have to do at your own pace, and you can't rush yourself.

A way that helped me accept my sexuality is this: find the things that feel good about being gay. This can be a number of things, but a very simple way to do this is just to think about boys. I wouldn't suggest thinking of your friends or someone that you know because that will lead to problems down the line. Instead, maybe just look at pictures of hot guys on the internet. Let yourself feel those positive feelings towards men so that you don't fear them. After that, you can think about the the things that you personally like about homosexuality, whether it be the community or even just more things about guys.

Worry about yourself for now. Other people will come into the mix when you are ready to actually come out. For now, just focus on the acceptance of this part of you.

 

I feel like I need more information for me to help you. May I ask where you think this guilt is coming from?

 

You are the only person who can judge who you are. People's opinions about you are always going to change. Your best friend from when you were five isn't even going to recognize your face when you go off the college. You are always going to be the only person who can judge who you are, because you are the only person who sees all of you, the real you. You are the one who sees your strife and pain. You are the one who sees the happiness within yourself that only you can comprehend. You are the only true judge of yourself. Don't feel bad about judging yourself, because you are the most accurate judge you will ever have.

Don't feel bad because you don't know who you are. The beauty of life is that it isn't defined by the boxes we put ourselves in. You are going to grow and change throughout your entire life. We're still young, dude. We have our whole lives to figure out who we are. We should be doing what fills us up. You become who you are by trying, and failing, and experiencing. If you don't let yourself feel gay, then you are never going to be yourself.

And there's simply noting wrong with liking guys more than girls. Nobody can make us feel bad for being happy. Your liking men doesn't hurt anyone, and it doesn't change who you are on the inside. Being gay is like having red hair. People are going to make fun of you, and tell you that it doesn't look good. But no matter how much dye you put on it, your roots are always going to stick through. Being different doesn't make you flawed, it just makes you different.

And don't worry about hiding your true self. You are going to be able to come out some day, but it takes time. Nobody is going to be mad at you for needing to hide yourself. Being in the closet is a time for you to try and get to know yourself. It isn't wrong to be scared. It's just part of the process of bettering yourself.

This is the video where my signature quote came from. It sounds a lot like it may be able to help within your situation:
COMING OUT (Ch. 5) The Closet - YouTube

Something that you need to remind yourself is that there's nothing wrong with being gay, and there's nothing wrong with you.

 

You're welcome. And feel free to message me any time if you need to talk. I get on every day.

 

fundrop22, I fought against it for years, no, decades. There was no way I was gay. Those times with those boys was just a phase. That's what I told myself. Then I compromised and said I was bisexual. That seemed like the answer for a long time. Yet there was a problem. I kept hurting every woman I was with. Every time things got too serious I broke their heart. I never realized it until watching Prayer's For Bobby. That movie made me realize how gay I am. I also realized a woman could not make me happy.

 

It seems like you're being overwhelmed both from being gay and from being closeted. You can't easily solve those both at once. You have to accept it first, so try to put out of your mind how others might react.

Now, try and forget all the negative crap you've heard of being gay and you can see it from a distance. Is it harmful to think of guys? No. You aren't hurting anyone. Is it really such a big deal? No, you like guys instead of girls, that's all. What's the worst that happens when you think of guys? Nothing. You feel good about it.

It's only after you recall all the stigma that you react *No! I can't think this* But those feelings aren't going away. At your age, it's pretty clear you're always going to like guys. Well, so do i and so does half this forum. If we can accept it, so can you


If you start to calm down about this, i think you can then move on to asking similar questions on other steps. Is it harmful to *date* guys? No, you aren't hurting anyone and you might really enjoy something simple like just holding hands. And so on.

Also, if therapy is an option, you might want to give it a try. There's people who specialize in this issue.

 

There's nothing wrong with being gay. It's society that's taught you to feel guilty about it. Maybe try watching some films with gay characters in (Google top 10 gay movies or something?) so you can see some positive representation of gay men and identify with that rather than the negative portrayal that society has taught you. I would recommend some but I only know lesbian ones. As for coming out, try to accept yourself first. Maybe look in the mirror and come out to yourself - I've done that to get myself used to it. Good luck