My friend is dating a girl that cheats on him a lot. She told him about the first time, and he forgave her. She's gone and cheated on him another 5 times with the same person, and has even commented to that person about his (the boyfriend) sexual shortcomings. Pretty degrading to do that type of thing behind his back, if you ask me. Am I helpless to try and say something? He loves her, and she lies to his face about a ton of things, but he goes on believing her. The only thing I can think of is that they're in an '"open relationship" and he actually doesn't care. I know they've been in threesomes together with another girl. What's the deal? Do I have any right to say something? He's lined up for pain and I hate it.
I predict that people will disagree with this (the whole "keep your nose out of other people's buisness" bit) but I think that your friend needs to know. At worst, he tells you they are in an open relationship. More likely, you will save your friend a lot of heart ache. What do you really have to lose? (Unless you are the friend she is cheating on him with, then keep your mouth SHUT! jk). It is true that he could be upset with you, but if he chooses to confront her and learns the truth, he can't stay angry.
You have an obligation as a friend to let him know (if he doesn't know already?) and try and talk sense into, but do so in a non-pushy way. He obviously has very strong feelings for her if he's willing to put up with the cheating, so the last thing you should be doing is making offensive remarks about his girlfriend either. Try talk to him about it (again?) and ask him why he's willing to put up with his girlfriend cheating on him. Remind him that "he deserves better" and ask him if having his girlfriend cheat on him is really making him happy. If he tries to dismiss you or is extremely unwilling to talk, then leave it for a few days and try bring it up later. Unless you are really good friends with his girlfriend, I personally don't think it's appropriate for you to talk to her. Your friend might see it as an invasion of his privacy, or worse still, if she breaks up with him because of your conversation, your friend could end up blaming you. If this fails, then I'd suggest simply being a good friend, and showing your friend how people in any form of relationship should treat each other. Most importantly, be there for him when he finally comes to his senses: he's going to need a good mate.
So, I did tell him. It started off very well. He believed that I just wanted him to be happy, but then when he asked for proof and I couldn't give it, he chose her word over mine. The reason I couldn't give proof is that I would have been selling out another friend who originally gave me the information. I did my best until my argument required me to sell that other person out, and I chose not to. I guess he'll have to learn on his own.
MYOB. You're not responsible for the sexual fidelity or any other behavior of your friends and their significant (or insignificant) others. If he asks, sure, tell him. Otherwis, butt out. Lex
