Why can't I bring myself to come out to my family?

Maybe you're not ready or he wouldn't be so hard to tell them. There's no time line so take all the time your need. It's a hard thing to say, maybe you could do a coming out letter if it is easier for you, that works too.

 

When I came out to my parents, I left a letter on our fireplace in the kitchen then went to work so they'd have all day to digest it and I didn't have to be there for any drama that would ensue.

 

i think is a good way to do it when you have trouble finding the right words

 

Hey! I am in a very similar situation as u...my parents are great and not 'homophobic' at all and I think they would accept me being gay but the thought of sitting my parents down and actually saying those three words 'I am gay' scares the shit outta me and I have no idea why lol I think a letter is a great idea for many reasons I just don't have the courage to do it myself! I think I'm just waiting for them to ask me (in a non joking way) then I would tell them for sure. So anyways..good luck with that letter!

 

I stalled forever, believe me. It just takes a bit of extra courage, and I got that from my friends. They gave me the confidence to say 'I AM doing it tomorrow morning', and I knew I had people to talk to after it so I could figure it all out.

But don't feel like you have to tell them. It might just be you're not ready to make such a large step in coming out, and that's okay. It takes time, and everyone feels different about telling different people. I would recommend a coming out letter, and part of me wishes I'd done it because I could have gotten my words out so much better. It's a way for you to comes to term with it too, drafting can help you come to terms with telling them a bit better.

Good luck to you!

 

Hugs Hun, no advice but goin through the same thing right now, so here if you want to talk cxx

 

Coming out to your family (especially your parents) is probably the hardest. Don't feel pressurised in coming out immediately to your parents. Take it at your own pace and just give it some times. When you really, truly feel ready to come out to them, then speak to them. Or use another form of coming out such as emails, letters.
Anyways, I hope all goes well and good luck

 

Well then. You know they won't object and you've already told some friends. I assume also you are beyond the "questioning" phase?

Good.

Now it's time. The time is now. You need to imagine that you are going to come out today. You need to imagine all the steps you will take to do it:

1) get the phone

2) dial their number

3) When they answer, tell them you're gay; preferably in the first or second sentence.

4) answer their questions

5) tell them that you love them very much

6) hang up and breathe a sigh of relief as you live your newly open gay life.

Voila!

I'm not being glib, by the way. I know it's hard, because you will be changing the way they see you, and perhaps that is a very comfortable place to be.

Comfort and the status quo are what keep many people in the closet...you need to open that door and get out, for your own sake and for the sake of living with integrity and for the sake of love.

Do it today...I bet you can!

 

Some people can't speak off the cuff like that. Their parents can intimidate them or sidetrack them. They need a plan or a script to follow.
I think it's important to have a few notes so that you can say everything that needs to be said.

 

Excellent point! A few notes will help if you need them, but don't just read them, memorize if you can (you really just need to focus on the first sentence) but do tell them in the first, or second sentence, it is far easier than having a long preamble that will just give you an opportunity to back down, or an opportunity for them to worry then interrupt and side-track you.

Here's a possible sentence:

"Hi! There's something I need you to know...["what is it?"]...I'm gay."

You will find it much easier to talk about this afterwards...so: what do you say? Is today the day?

 

Yah not knowing how they will react to the news is probly one reason I'm still in the closet to them at my age...my parents have asked me if I'm gay several times actually but not in the way i want them to ask me they more made the question into a joke somehow so since they weren't being serious I always decided that is not the right time to come out to them.

 

Sammy1 - based on their awkward questioning it sounds to me like they have their suspicions already, but are just not sure how to handle having a gay daughter, like they don't know much about it, if that makes sense. The fact they've asked a few times says to me that they're not homophobic. Just my 2 cents

Sully - by the time I felt comfortable with telling my mum, I ended up putting it off for a long time before actually getting around to it. What Holly says here is what helped me reach my goal of actually doing it. Good luck!

 

Kidnz- I'm almost sure they know but maybe afraid to ask me. But ur right they r definitely not homophobic

 

You might not be able to tell your parents because you might not be ready or your still afraid of rejection no matter how well you got it

 

Why can't you bring yourself to do it? Because it's difficult and scary....even when you're pretty sure it's going to go well. I knew my mother wouldn't care, but getting the words out of my mouth was one of the hardest things I had done. A couple of Jamesons helped me. That being said, the relief afterwards more than made up for all the angst leading up to it. You kind of just have to back yourself into a corner, and say something like "I need to tell you something." Then you're kind of stuck, because they're going to ask you what? Then you just blurt it out. It's like ripping off a band-aid.