I'm still questioning, but I came out to a friend today. I didn't say anything aside from describing how I'm feeling right now and what I've experienced in the last few months and years. I can't describe how I feel now. I feel like everything is OK, like the world will keep on turning. I felt like things were collapsing and now they feel great. I feel so relieved. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. He said something that I found interesting and that might be helpful for others: irrespective of how I act in the future, irrespective of what I feel in the future, what I've felt so far is important. It's part of me. I've been so worried about saying anything and realizing that I'm not what I've said I am. And maybe my attractions will change in the future. But I can't deny that I've liked girls to the point that I've cried over them and that I've found girls breathtakingly attractive. I can't deny that I click better with guys, perhaps leading to more relationships and emotional crushes on guys. But I also can't deny that I've craved being with a girl, I've craved girls' bodies, I've craved losing myself with them. I've had to stop myself from getting too close to them because I didn't want them to interpret any signals. However much I like guys doesn't change the fact that I also like girls. I know that I'm not a Kinsey 0, and I know that I'm not a Kinsey 6. I'm somewhere in between, and I have time to figure that out. But it feels such a relief to let a good friend know what's going on in my head, and to be able to stop pushing aside my feelings towards girls and hating myself because of it. And there's no pressure to be anything. I'm just me.
Congratulations on coming out to your friend. It's great that you have decided to come out, and found the courage to talk about your feelings you are having at the moment. Your friend is right. Every feeling you experience, is important. It will help you to figure things out. It's fantastic that you have already accepted yourself.
I still feel a bit nervous about everything and feel like everything isn't real. I think part of the problem is that I don't really identify with the LGBT* community (even though everyone here is lovely!) and I still feel like the old me, and the old me was "straight" (but felt attracted to girls). The easy option would be to put the straight label back on but I know that it's not accurate. If I were 100% straight, I wouldn't fall for girls. I wouldn't avert my eyes because I thought a girl was attractive. The easy option would be to ignore these feelings, but ignoring them would only raise these questions at a later point. I don't think I've ever felt so exposed and scared, but I also feel relieved. All of this feels so surreal.
You're a person. You are sexual. That seems like a good place to be. Don't let people tell you what you have to be.
You've got that right. You're just you, as we all are. Just figure it out over time. That is, if you'll ever figure it out at all. LOL. Relax and enjoy, both your friendships and your relationships.
I totally know how you feel about the label just not seeming like you, that's exactly what I've felt like. BTW, it's up to you whether you label yourself and what with, but FYI a lot of people think that anything that's not the top or the bottom of the kinsey scale is bi, in varying degrees. I'm not sure where I am on it, I seem to move up and down which is why I've eventually gone for that label just for ease of explaining myself! Well done for coming out anyway
