I have feelings for my best friend, does he like me too?

Hey - not sure what i'm expecting from posting this, or whether i'll like the responses but I think some advice and knowledge of other's experiences might help. The story is a bit long so sorry in advance.

Basically ... I've known my best friend for 10 years now (we're both 21/22) and we've been best friend and really close for like 7/8 of those years. We've always been close and we 'click'; we really get on with each other, enjoy each others company, and even though hes not the type to say how he feels, i know he feels the same about our friendship too.

Like I said, we've always been close and quite 'touchy-feely' - we mess around, grab or touch eachother, and often we find ourselves staring at each other and maintaining long eye contact, initiated mainly by him (which we sort of turn into a 'staring competition' and then laugh, although its not how it started off). Also, he does things like, we pretend wrestle, then he ends up on top of me - one time we wrestled on the bed, i gave up cos he was winning, then he just lay there for a few seconds while we were both silent, then i got a text (my phone was in front of us on the bed) and he got the phone, opened the message etc. while still on top of me and not getting off.

When we have sleepovers we usually share a bed and its never been a problem, and he often jokes "we're spooning tonight" and says other gay stuff. The last several times we've shared a bed we've gotten pretty close (this is over 2 years cos were both at uni so we don't see each other often during term time) and our backs usually end up touching or legs or arms - i know that this could just be moving in our sleep but i know that for some of the times he is definitely awake. Also these beds are always double beds, so lots of room for 2 to sleep.

I recently told him i had feelings for him (didn't come out as i'm not sure myself if i'm gay/straight/bi etc.) - he didn't say much at all, didnt even confirm or deny if he was gay or straight but i was so focused on getting what i wanted to say out i didnt think about it. We agreed that our friendship was too important and that we would be fine with each other and nothing would change (of the little he did say, he kept saying nothings will change, he wouldn't act differently, no one need know - he seemed adamant that nothing would change). Everything has been fine between us since, to the point were when were together i almost forget i told him and we act 100% normal, i genuinely cant say that i have acted differently or that i've noticed he has, but this weekend i visited him at Uni and we shared a bed again (he told me few days before he was going to buy a inflatable mattress, i said why and if it had anything to do with me liking him and he says "lol no" and that it is good to have inflatable mattress anyway and that it only cost £4 - i checked on the website and there was no mattress that cheap and he said they had sold out, and that "it looks like were spooning") and our backs touched eachother again every night (again on a spacious double bed). One night we were so close i could feel his breath on my neck as he was facing me, and we were there for ages, at one point i looked to see if he was awake and as soon as i moved my head to look at his face he moved over and faced the other way for the rest of the night. On another night the same happeend again, back-to-back, arms touching and it happened a lot; we were drunk so i got up a few times to get a drink/vomit S) and i could see when i got back his eyes slightly open to look at me, or if i leant over him to get a drink from the bedside table, i could see him do the same and look. Once i came back with water he got up and had some, and another time i caught him just about to look at his phone when i walked in and he pretended he was asleep. But each time i got back into bed we settled back into that touching position.

There are other 'gay' things that happen between us that i cant remember now, mostly because it happens so often its almost standard for us, and part of our 'routine' together. Everyone always jokes were a couple, even people who dont really know me/us well - we share food, drink and pretty much everything, when we go out to eat with mates we always plan our food to share it, getting different things then splitting.

Hes not like this with anybody else, not even close, and neither am i.

I know when you like someone you look for things to justify your feelings or hopes they like you back, but to me this seems more than just me deluding myself, because there are things that just don't happen between normal straight friends, however close. I think that if he was genuinely straight, however much he loved me as a friend it would be a bit different between us, even if only just for the first few weeks - certainly if i was straight and was told by my best mate he liked me i would tone down the 'gay' stuff out of respect and not want to share a bed with them.

PLEASE help! I know that I have to give him time if hes gay, and i know that people do things in their own ways and what seems easy for me isn't for someone else, and that just because i told him i liked him isnt necessarily enough for someone to feel safe to come out, especially when he has 2 straight brothers, a family that is quite traditionally English and his mum can be a little prejudiced.

Any advice would be great x

 

Firstly, thanks everyone for your replies, it might sound stupid with all the detail i'm giving but they've really helped!

Thats my thinking exactly .. a normal straight guy, however good friends we are, would have acted a little off having been told that by there best friend, but the only difference there was was that the first few days after i told him we only texted/facebooked a little, which was down to me really cos we had planned to do something like 4 days later (before I had told him) and i wanted a little space to chill before that to gather my thoughts, but the few texts/facebook messages i did send he replied straight away like normal, and didnt leave me hanging or look at the message but not reply. When we did meet up he was fine with me, maybe even a little nicer, and sat next to me when we all went to eat, touched my arm like normal etc etc. Hes still touchy feely; we play wrestled again the other day and he ended up on top of me again, with his arm around me which when he did it i thought wasnt exactly the best wrestle move he could have done to won had it been a proper match, and when we sit next to eacht other our legs and arms touch, even on big 3-seaters and hes not touching the other person or theres space between them, meaning hes 'snuggled' up to me.

I don't think its just him being comfortable with his sexuality cos i know him and I know he isn't - he has no confidence with girls and rarely shows an interest in them, only showing any interest when prompted by others or when hes asked by other guys "do you think shes fit" etc. He only shows a little confidence when hes really really drunk, but even then its barely anything, and the other night a girl was clearly flirting with him and he didnt even notice and paid her no attention, replying to her only when she talked to him first. But then again I am the same, when im drunk im a little more confident with girls and try stuff, but then its not wholly because i fancy them, so maybe its the same for him. The one time hes seen me get with a girl, we were in a club and i dont remember much, but i know that when i pulled away he took us outside saying he wanted some air, and we left the club not long after, and the day after we went to a gig and he was visibly down, as i could see it in his face and expressions, when you would expect someone to be really lively at a knife party gig. Also, ive noticed that whenever we talk and something about him or me being gay in a jokey way, he doesnt reply, for example if he says "thats gay" to something in slang way, and i say "youre gay" he doesnt reply, or if i jokingly say "miss me yet" when ive left his he doesnt reply.

Hes only ever got with 3 girls (hes said hes got with 2/3 more but i dont believe it - conveniently no one was there to see and we dont talk to those girls anymore) but they have been when he was really drunk, and not because he has tried it on but because its just happened given the situation or because they've initiated it.
Hes only ever had a 'thing' with one girl; its lasted 3 years (also given that she was at uni so they only say eachother a few times a year) but it started off as them kissing (i think initiated by her) and they just kept getting off when they met. I know this may seem like hes straight, but again i know him and it only happens when theyre both very drunk, and i think its because he finds it 'easy' - she likes him so he gets with her, and that is his way of proving hes straight? When theyre sober he shows no affection towards her, acting pretty much normally around her. You'd think that even the shyest straight guy would be able to show affection and touch and kiss a girl sober after doing it so many times drunk after a while. I know they havent had sex even though theyve had the opportunity, and i know shes not exactly frigid, but i dont know what to make of it anymore.

I know you said action is better than inaction, but i know how the conversation will go because he will just deny it and come up with excuses like "you roll over the bed towards me in your sleep" etc. Hes at uni now so i wont see him for 2/3 months, but ill still be talking to him everyday. Maybe its a good idea to leave it till i next see him, to allow him time away to think things through (thats the kind of person he is, he prefers to think things through in his own way and time) and then see what happens at christmas?

Sorry again for the long replies! x

---------- Post added 18th Sep 2013 at 02:26 PM ----------

Also, i'm not sure testing him with increasing the physical intimacy would be a great idea because now he knows i have feelings for him, it could seem that i'm coming on to him and i dont want him to think that, not just because he might be straight, but because it would be creepy if he hasnt given me any explicit sign.

After i told him i had feelings for him, i told him that i know were close and touchy-feely and we mess about, but that has always been about our friendship and how we are together and not cos i fancy him and got my kicks out of it, (although subconsciously it might have been) but he didnt say anything in response to that, just kept silent, and we've carried on being physically close. Does this mean anything?