General comming out questions

Welcome to EC!

There are no hard and fast rules for coming out. It'll depend on each person's comfort zone and situation.

The fact that your parents are supportive of gay rights in general is an EXTREMELY good sign. It means your parents will almost certainly be supportive.

How and when you tell them is up to you. In general, it's best if you keep it low-key. Tell them you've given it a lot of thought, you've decided you're gay, and you wanted them to know because they mean so much to you. Don't treat it like a big horrible secret, and they'll probably respond in kind. If you want to tell them one at a time, fine, but it'll probably be easier if you tell them together.

As far as coming out at school, again, up to you. Do take a look around and see how other gay students are treated. If they're generally treated well, then you should be OK. As far as finding a boyfriend, well, at age 13, I wouldn't say you need to rush. Just stay loose, stay friendly, get to know people. Likely candidates will start showing up.

I'm not sure what you mean by "not comfortbale coming out in my house". Do you mean where to tell your parents, or whether to tell your parents or not, or...?

Lex

 

Hello and welcome to EC!

With parents, it ultimately depends on whether or not you think your parents will be supportive. I wouldn't come out to your parents until you are older if you think there is a chance of outright rejection, of being thrown out, or college funds being witheld - but this doesn't sound like the case with you. But in all cases some supportive friends are really quite necessary, I believe, before coming out to parents.

But if you think that your parents would be supportive, or ultimately supportive after an initial bad reaction perhaps, then I would come out as soon as you are 100% sure of your sexuality. Then you can have their support, and live with no barriers between you.

So really, the answer to your first question lies in how you think your parents might react. You say they might be mad: how mad? Five years is a very long time to remain mad, although sadly for some people, their parents never reconcile themselves to their child's sexuality. But your parents are suportive of gay rights, which sounds great! Your age (13?) suggests to me that you should wait a while; but if you think your parents would ultimately be supportive, then it is your decision, and telling them sooner rather than later could work out best in some circumstances.

But before you come out (if ultimately you think your parents would be ok), I would be prepared for the following sorts of questions, and you should ask yourself beforehand if you can answer them, just in case:

Are you sure?
You're too young to know.
How can you be sure if you've never been with a woman?
Various questions on who you've been hanging around with/who's been "influencing" you?
It's a phase
No you're not

I put these here because I think that sometimes it can be different to be supportive of gay rights, and to actually have a gay child. They may still go through denial or whatever, but given their political stances, it will almost certainly be much milder and more swift than otherwise, if at all.

You can definately tell only one parent at a time - in fact, I'd recommend it, if you think that one would be more supportive than the other. They can then help you with what to do next.

I can't help you with finding a boyfriend, especially as many avenues are closed to you due to your age, but most people manage

I don't think it matters where you come out, as long as it's not in the car (can be dangerous), or, I suppose, at a relative's house at Christmas dinner or something...

I hope that this all helps. But ultimately, whether you should come out or not depends upon how you, yourself, feel, and whether or not you think your parents would be supportive. Don't do it until you are older if you think it could have serious repurcussions for your future, and also make sure that you feel comfortable in yourself and that you're sure first, as parents will pick up on this.

If you expect your parents to vent their anger at you, then you need to be strong enough to stand up to this - supportive friends in the know would help with this. But it sounds like they could be ok. Butultimately it's up to you, but remember that there's no rush.

Good luck

 

Ah, got it. Then either come out while your sister isn't home, or invite your parents out for coffee or something.

Lex

 

Well, if you're worried they might make a scene, you could come out in a public area like a park or a crowded restaraunt where they would feel much less tempted to start yelling.

And you can come out to your parents one at a time or both, what ever you want. But if you say they're for gay marriage and all that jazz, I think it'd be odd for them to react negatively to you coming out, besides waiting until after high school to come out would be an awfully long time, but just know, that you should only come out to someone when you are ready. You need to wait until you're comfortable enough, I learned that myself, but if you're parents are cool with gays, and you're prepared, go for it.

 

First of all, welcome to EC!

Now, I am probably not the best person to answer these questions but I am going to do my best and I will answer them one at a time.

There is no real "right" time to come out. You come out when you think you are ready. I must warn you though, there are a few situations where it is not a good idea to come out, eg. during an argument. But apart from that, it is up to you to decide if it's a good time to come out or not.

Again, this is up to you. If you think your parents are likely to get mad because you are gay, then hold off telling them until you are older. Given that you have said your parents are pro-gay rights, I can't see there being a problem, but then again, I can't predict the future and without knowing your parents, I definitely can't guess a possible reaction. In any case, this will shock your parents to some degree and you will have to give them time to digest it.

There are advantages and disadvantages of telling one parent at a time. If you are closer to one parent than the other and you are feeling very nervous, then maybe it is a good idea to come out to the parent you are closer to first. However, you do risk alienating either one or both of your parents by only telling one at a time.
Some of the questions that would come up from the first parent would be like "does your (other parent) know about this?" or "do you want me to tell your (other parent)?" It's a big burden on the first parent to carry if they know and they can't tell the other.
The other parent, on the other hand would probably ask things like "why did you not tell me first?" or, if they are told by the first parent, "why couldn't you come and tell me?"
In summary, there can be advantages in telling one parent at a time but there are risks in coming out to your parents this way.

I don't know if I can really answer this question too well, seeing as I have never had a boyfriend and have been single for 5 years. It will probably be difficult to find a boyfriend at the age of 13, seeing as most people are only just starting to find out their sexual identity. But if you want a boyfriend, you will find a way. Just remember, there is more to life than having a boyfriend. You are also 13, so you also have plenty of time to find one!

You can come out wherever you want. Obviously there are some places better than others to come out but wherever you choose to do it, make sure that it's a place where you feel comfortable doing it.

I hope this is of some help to you. Like others have said, there are plenty of resources here on EC to help you with your coming out. If you think you need real life help, see if there is a GLBT organisation in your area that can help.

I hope that wasn't too long for you.

Good luck!