So earlier this year, I came out to two of my good friends and they both were very supportive. The reason why I came out to them was because this was something that had been driving me crazy for the past 10 years and I wanted to have some back up for when I tell my family. Well things have changed. For the first time in my life, I've felt peace with being gay and even though my sexuality is still constantly on my mine, it's not as overbearing as it once was. The thing is, I haven't came out to anyone else and honestly, I don't really feel the need to. I've pretty much adapted this mentality of "I don't really care if people know and they'll find out whenever". I also don't care if my family finds out, except with my parents and I only care about them finding out is because I still fear they might kick me out. So my question is, do you really have to come out or can you just let people figure it for themselves? Is that a positive way to go about things? See I also ask this because I'm not that type of person to go "Hey I'm gay, so let's raise those rainbow flags and blast some Cher!" and that probably won't change when more people know.
Hi Absol, To answer your question directly, no you don't have to "come out" officially. There is no coming out police that will arrest you for not coming out. I think it's all a matter of what is best for your situation. As for my experience (although I am younger than you so hopefully you won't think I'm some stupid kid that doesn't know what he's saying haha), I would establish my personal financial independence first before formulating a method to "come out". Who knows what might happen once your parents find out right? Can go anywhere. So to play it safe, self independent will be important. At the same time, I don't think your philosophy is neither positive nor negative. It's all just whatever you think is best. Be yourself. Stay strong. Protect yourself. If you feel comfortable with the situation, then stick with it. Best wishes!
After a certain point, it isn't a big deal anymore. I've come out to other friends just randomly if they mention good-looking guys and I offer my own thoughts. It's not a large deal, and it just happens sometimes. If you're at a point where you don't mind someone else knowing, you could always just say, "By the way, I'm _____ (Gay, in your case, I guess)," or something similar, or you could let others know if it's relevant to a topic on hand, like if they assume you'd want to be with a woman or find women attractive when you don't, and so on.
@Empty Mirror: I've meant really dumb 50 year-olds and very bright 11 year-olds, so never think age depicts intelligence. Think you for your response though and reassurance though. I'm working on getting out of my parent's place and I be moving out in a year and a half. Honestly, I don't know if this is the best way and the way I can see it, it can turn out either bad or good. :\
Hi Absol, Try not to be so harsh on yourself. Everything takes time, especially in these sorts of situations. There is no set standard or timeline each person must abide to. All based on your personal frame of reference. Also, like Luthan state. After a certain point, no one really bothers to care. I used to care a lot and I still kind of do of who knows about my hidden secret. But not as much anymore. I focus more of my energy in my career and education. I was talking to a university chair once about my secret. Everything I told her, she responded with a "so what" attitude. She was not at all in a negative way, but she just made me realized one major impact. The only reason we tend to think "coming out" or "people knowing" is so important is because we, ourselves, put so much stress and emphasis thinking it's so important. In reality, no one really cares. No one really minds. Once I dropped my stress of thinking my sexuality was of upmost important, it freed my mind from blind judgments and opened up many other doors. I'm not saying you should just drop your guards entirely about coming out and not care. I am also not saying you should go distract yourself with other activities, but perhaps try to not put so much pressure and stress on thinking about "the world revolves around your sexual orientation" idea. Focus on your studies, career, friends, family, hobbies, etc. You'll realize those are worth so much more than trying to figure out a way to "come out" and you'll appreciate those around you over time. Most importantly, you will learn to love and appreciate yourself. Best of luck, as always
