So . . I have separate facebooks for family/friends.. I've never had that close a relationship with my mum who is the main one i made it for. My family one is mostly empty, but my friends one says I am 'interested in men'. I love her, she loves me. But she has very little respect for privacy/my values/etc... Certainly not the person I'd entrust a secret to. Anyway apparently she was stalking my friends-only facebook page, and I didn't have my privacy settings right or something, because she called me this morning to ask me if I am gay and that's why. I told her it was probably a joke that one of my friends did while I left my phone lying around or something, which she believed, I think... But she's asked me a few times now and I really dont want to lie to her, but I am not ready to tell the truth and she is not the kind of person that will let you dodge a question. It's frustrating because she wouldn't have a problem with me being gay.. She would be terribly embarassing about it, but that's not a big deal. I know that if I come out to her though, she'll tell my dad... which is not something I'm ready for. He lives interstate and I rarely see him, so there is no need to deal with that anytime soon. I feel bad for lying, but I don't really see what choice I have. :help: I don't plan on hiding it forever, but I only just came out to my closest friends and things are going a little too fast right now.
Mums are like that sometimes (un)fortunately! You might find that being able to be honest with her actually brings you a bit closer, and that you will eventually not mind her invading your privacy - what's there to hide after that? It's up to you in the end, but good luck and let us know how it goes
it's not about having something to hide.. I'm a person of principles - freedom, privacy.. These are paramount to me. If I specify that something I tell you about myself is not for you to share, then I expect you to respect that. My mother on the other hand, believes 'she knows best'. She doesn't value my own feelings/needs. It's always "what she thinks I need" rather than "what I need" - even if I tell her very clearly what it is that I need, she's more concerned about satisfying her own needs for me. Like - she's more concerned with being the mother she always wished she had, rather than the mother I need her to be. It is an irreconcilable difference. We have a good relationship up to that point - I visit her often, spend time... But I know she is never going to change when it comes to these things - so if I want to maintain control of something about me, I (sadly) need to keep it from her. It's unfortunate, but that is the way things are. I've given her countless opportunities to show me that she's changed, she's sworn to me that she would.. I couldn't have explained things to her more clearly than I have, over and over. But I know now she never will change until she can admit certain things to herself. She doesn't recognise afterwards what she's done and apologize, she claims the right to do what she thinks regardless of me. Basically, as far as I'm concerned people can live however they please, by whatever values they like - UP UNTIL the point where they impact somebody else's life in an undesired way.
Okay, that's an important distinction which you've explained well. My comment definitely stems from just my personal experience, but I must concede that there are all types of mums out there. It looks like you feel under pressure to do something now, given what she's found out so far, but you have said you want to tell her eventually. I don't have any advice on when is the right time, but I hope you are able to figure it out and let her know on your own terms.
