I am increasingly beginning to feel very alone in the world. I feel like I have been interested in other females for the greater portion of my life. I have never really been interested in guys. Even when I was little and to this day I always watch anything for the girls. My whole life I thought I did a pretty good job suppressing these thoughts, I was able to keep myself pretty busy and involved and could always turn those thoughts “off”. I was in relationships with guys and still am. I love my boyfriend of two years now for so many reasons but I have never enjoyed his sexual company or felt close to him in that nature. I do enjoy his company and his support for he treats me so well and he really does love me. I just feel like something is missing but I don’t know what. I have found myself more and more lately thinking about this aspect of my life. The thoughts are getting increasingly harder to turn off. In my mind I am obsessing over them, but I can’t talk to anyone about them. They keep me up at night, stress me out and make it hard to focus on anything else other than these thoughts. I am scared of myself for multiple reasons I do not know what this all means and I am extremely confused and I don’t want to ruin something so perfect if it turns out just being a phase. I am also scared because along with these sexual identity thoughts have come loneliness and depression. I do not like myself very much. I do not know what do.
Hello there and welcome to EC I only joined this forum two days ago, so believe me when I say you will find plenty of helpful people and good listeners here. I am in almost exactly the same position as you with respect to my recent feelings towards other guys, so you are absolutely not alone. It's frustrating not knowing what you want and who you are, but from what I can tell it's not at all a bad thing to be facing a new stage in life. Like taking a step forward. I myself am so confused right now I hardly know what to do with myself! But please try not to beat yourself up for having these thoughts or desires, it's something purely natural that's happening. I feel for you, having a boyfriend who cares for you, and I can understand you not wanting to make any big changes just in case it jeopardizes that. I am sure there must be a way for you to explore how you feel without damaging your relationship. There are lots of girls on here who I'm sure are in the same position and will help. I suppose all I can offer right now is, please don't take it out on yourself, keep smiling because I'm sure it will only get better in the future
