Greetings. I am a newbie and for so long I have ( and still am) dealing with my own insecurities of being in my first lesbian relationship. To start...Let me introduce you to my background... It all started well over almost three years ago. Before meeting the love of my life I dated a boy for almost 7 years. This Started when I was 13 and ended at the age of 20. During the course of this relationship there was lies, deceit, betrayal, hurt, etc. Worst experience of my life. Although I was too young to be going through this type of situation, I dealt with it as it came and stayed far too long. I traded in my teenage years to be with a guy that who I thought cared and loved for me but in reality...really didn't. Going through this at a young age screwed me over mentally and physically. I tried talking to other guys and they all just ended up being the same. After these failed attempts I sort of gotten to a place where I decided to give up, love myself, and enjoy life. During this period I wasn't looking for love but a mere 3 months after being alone love found me and it came in the form a beautiful girl. We started off as classmates, became friends, and ended up being lovers. We talked for hours and spent most of our days together. This sort of attention was all new to me but it was something that I could not get enough of. I had never been with somebody who loved me as much as I loved them back. It was nothing but butterflies and sweet kisses for us. It was love like I never experienced before. It took a while for me to "come out" because as far as my family and friends knew...I was straight, I was dating men, and that I was living this heterosexual lifestyle. I've always had thoughts of being with a women (which they didn't know) and I have questioned my sexuality more than once. I come from a close tight knit family and to be fair to my girlfriend and to myself I decided to take that step and tell the world about us. Nobody understood and everyone judged. I had no support from anyone except my girlfriend. She guided me through the process and was my backbone through it all. She was more for me than just any relationship. We were soul mates. I went against everyone for what I truly felt and truly believed in. We have had our share of problems due to the fact that I have never dealt with a woman, the fact that I am still attracted to men, and the fact that she has had to deal with men disrespecting her and us by still trying to approach me. We have never cheated and never will. They all claimed it to be a phase but 3 years later, arguments and all we still remain as lovers and best friends. The problem and insecurities for me come from me wanting my family to accept me for what I am and who I am. Because they don't accept me and they downplay our relationship it makes me question myself and whether this is what I want and if this is who I even am. They say things like "what are you?" " I don't get it" "this is just something for right now" "you will marry a man"...etc. I cannot lie..I yearn for my family's approval of her and I because of how close we are. They deal with it but they don't like it and they have made that very clear. I mentally drain myself and cause a lot of rift raft because I feel like I am cheating myself out of being truly happy. I put a lot on her that she shouldn't have to deal with. I want to please everybody but the reality of it is is that I cant. I question my sexuality because it would be much easier to live a heterosexual lifestyle...my family would be happy...everyone would be happy;But would I truly be happy? I am so fulfilled with being with just her. I don't want the confusion. I don't want to care...but I do. I don't claim myself as gay or bi. I simply love who I love and I love this girl with all my heart. She completes me and no matter what...I cant see my life without her. Because of others opinions and thoughts I doubt myself every time and I always put doubt in my head that this could never work and that maybe one day I would end up with a man. Reality is I know that without her I am incomplete. I don't want outsiders (or my own insecurities and thoughts) to ruin what we have...We have something beautiful and I always say to myself that If I could move away and just be with her I would be much more happier. My question is what do I do? How do I act without hurting anyone feelings? I just want to be myself and I just want to be happy and I want to be okay with who I am...is it possible to get to this place?
Firstly, congrats on finding your soul mate. That's incredible. Secondly, you will not be able to make everybody happy. If it were me, I would just tell my family that they can have all the time they need to wrap their heads around it...it's not like their opinions can change reality. Eventually, if they see how happy you are, they'll get it (and if they don't, that's on them). Best of luck.
First of all that has to be one of the sweetest things I have ever read. Secondly, I can say that it is, in my experience, impossible to please everyone in all you do. You obviously love your girl friend very much and you deserve to be with her for the rest of your life if you choose. I'm sorry your family has not accepted you but you never know. Maybe later in your life? My mother has always said that out of the multitudes of people you need to please, you need to make you happy first. So don't accept loving someone else to make your family happy. Love this amazing person you have now.
