I'm really demoralized about the whole thing. There isn't anyone important in my life I can really think of that I would expect a positive or affirming reaction from... It's pretty frustrating because clearly the country where I live (UK) seems to be becoming more comfortable with gay people as a whole, but I cannot say that I have experienced that in my own personal life... I seem to be locked in an island of intolerance - my family, my close friends, my work... they have all said some pretty unkind things to put it politely. And the thing is, I think they all think I'm gay anyway... they cannot be so blind... I've never had a girlfriend even though lots of girls have said they like me, and yet they continue saying all this homophobic stuff around me. I feel like a coward cause I want to be free and I want my life to progress, and being more open about your love life is a big part of that... but every time I build my hopes up to think this is something I can do, or maybe things aren't as bad as I think, one of them will say some really ignorant shit and I can't lie, it hurts... knocks me right back down again. My mum used to be more tolerant. She has asked me on a couple of occasions whether I had a boyfriend, but that was a few years ago now. I wish I had been more ready then to speak about it, but now she is more involved in a Pentecostal church and that tolerance has evaporated. Now she has said gay people are "demons"... The rest of my family are perhaps even worse, they have actively campaigned against gay marriage politically... Only my brother is more accepting, but he is halfway around the world in another country now. It makes me wonder if I'll ever have the courage, and also if I can ever forgive them the things they've said... I dunno...
Hi there! I can imagine what you must be going through on a regular basis, with not being able to be yourself, and hearing the comments or remarks from people around you. (*hug*) Try not to beat yourself up about the chances you might have had a couple of years ago. It is okay for not having come out than. There is no reason for feeling like a coward. You are in a difficult situation. One thing I would suggest is to try building a new supportive circle of friends. It is hard to start 'almost' over again in the aim of finding friends who you know will accept and support you, no matter what. As hard as it is going to be, you might need to distance yourself from your family to the point where you feel out of harms way - in terms of not having to listen to their anti-gay rhetoric. Over time, you might be able to forgive them and give them the option of being supportive or facing the prospect of 'losing' their son. I would suggest though that you start with building a strong support network, which will allow you to feel at ease and supported/accepted. (*hug*)
A lot of people say homophobic things out of ignorance. I've heard that people become much more accepting when they see that "gay people" are really just "my brother Joe" or "my best friend Jane" rather than "those people at the pride parade" or "the old guys banging in the park at night". This isn't to say that everyone who seems intolerant towards you now is going to change, but I wouldn't write everyone off just yet. I remember reading about a Republican (conservative) politician in the US who recently changed his stance to support gay marriage after his son came out to him. I would agree with Mirko in that building a support network is a great way to help you feel accepted and loved regardless of your sexuality. Are there any local GLBT groups near you? When I first realized I was gay, I was part of an online forum much like this, and it helped me to meet other GLBT people online and realize I wasn't alone.
You'd be amazed how far homophobia will drag some into denial of knowing anyone gay. They think there's no way, as that would reflect poorly on them too. Even after coming out, it's not unheard of for example grandma to say "Billie and John were the best roommates. Kept each other out of trouble all those years," even though of course John has been openly gay the whole time. I have to agree that you need to find a real support network, before casting off the old. Even if dependent on those people still, you could spend less time with them until you're able to break off ties. The other, i guess you would say "less cowardly" option, is to forcibly tell them to stop and see where that goes.
I can totally relate to this. I also live in the UK, and I'm from "the gay capital of the North" - Blackpool, actually. So I grew up around plenty of gay people. I thought because of this my parents would be totally accepting. But from since when I was about 16 they constantly made homophobic comments and jokes. Which was incredibly awkward. And left me sitting there staring into space. Pretending to not have heard. Anyways. A few years past and this year I simply couldn't hide it from them anymore. I ended up with the mindset that "if they can't accept it. They're simply worth not bothering about". Which was ruthless I guess, but I felt so strongly about it. So I told them. This summer. And they both reacted a whole lot better than I ever could have imagined. Totally accepting. Which was surprising considering the amount of homophobic comments they used to make. It just goes to show that no matter how much you think you may know how someone will react. They could totally surprise you. Don't write them off yet Becsuse they could turn out to the most accepting people. Sorry for the lame advice and sorry this is long. I just thought I'd share my experiences Good luck with whatever you decide to do
