Me (to my father): You know how you're always saying we can talk to you about anything? Dad: Yes... Me: Well I kinda wanted to talk to you about something. Dad: Yes? Me: I'm gay. Dad: you're not gay. Me: I am. Dad: No you're not. What do I do? What do I say? Please help. I'm so confused..
Hmmm...sorry ur father didn't believe u that's too bad! what I think I would personally do if I'm ever in the same situation is just somehow say how long u have known and ask him what is the reasons for his disbelieve and tell him something like:why would anyone say they are gay when they are not..u know? Why would anyone come out as gay when they r straight lol just some suggestions...hope ur talk with him goes better next time
Hi there! It's too bad that the conversation ended as it did, but remember that it might come as a surprise to your dad, and he might not have been 'ready' for it. (*hug*) At the same time, you took the bull by its horns and went for it. That's something to be proud off. I would suggest that you leave the conversation where it is for the moment, and see if your dad comes back to you and speaks with you about it. It could very well be that as time passes, he will come around to it, and try to understand you better. You have done what you needed to do. If he does want to talk to you, and you feel the conversation is not going anywhere, it is okay to say that you would like to change the subject. But hopefully the next time you two talk about it, it will go better.
Remember the stages of loss (in this case, loss of your father's perception of you as straight denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. So "You are not gay" is classic denial. Since you've already opened the door (and haven't backed down), you can address it again in a few days or a week or something. I guarantee you that in spite of his saying "No, you're not"... he's thinking about it. Probably nonstop. And after a week or two he will likely be in a different mind space. But keep in mind that the common next step is "anger" so he may lash out with "No child of *mine* is going to be gay" or something like that. Just realize that that, too, is a common response. You've already done the hardest part, which is to screw up the courage to tell him. Now that you've done it once, it should be easier to revisit it in a week or two or three... by which time he's had more time to consider it. BTW, how old are you? Your age shouldn't, but may, play a factor in his head, particularly if you're a younger teen.
Chip, I am sixteen. I am extremely proud of myself for getting the courage, and I highly agree that he's probably thinking about it non-stop. But then again, he could be thinking about it in small intervals.. weird thing is, he's been being slightly nicer to me, trusting me with more stuff. I wish I knew what he's thinking.
well @shyjack. i am in the same situation. a month ago i told my mother that i was transgender, and her response was similar to your father. "it is just a phase you need to go through" and stop pretending and be who you really are". it angers me so much that she cant cope with it, and understand what i am , and what i am going through. she cant understand that im not quite the same person that i was before i recognized myself. we just have to hold on, and keep telling about our "new" life in small steps. Heck, i know your not a far as i am, im out to everyone, and most people support me with this. but if you keep being strong in yourself you will not have to "hide" it someday. hope you can use some of this.
It is a lot to take in for your dad. He may be in disbelief for quite some time /: but he will come around
really "well done you!!" @shyjack for the reasons given above by others, don't be too worried by his reaction just now. I bet he will come round quite quickly. (*hug*)
Jack, I think, given your age, he's just having a tough time. Sixteen is certainly old enough to know, he's just desperately hoping it's a "phase" or a misconception or something. But the fact he's suddenly been nicer and more trusting almost certainly means he's processing and adjusting to it. Give it a week or two or three and perhaps gently bring it up again. You might consider writing a letter and letting him know that it might have been hard for him to hear, and upsetting, and that you understand, but that it's who you are. My guess is by that point, he'll be a lot more ready to accept it.
