Cut a long story short... I'm a Male and i am 18. I have known I'm gay for about 4 years. For the last few years I've been depressed and almost ashamed of myself because of it and its always been a big black cloud hovering above my head. However, a few months ago... something 'clicked' I don't know what it was. But I no longer felt bothered about it and actually comfortable with myself for the first time in a long time. I now feel like I am ready to come out. My friend who I have been friends with for 16 years, we have talked about it before but I denied that I was gay and he said to me that if I was it would change nothing and we would still be the best of friends but again I denied that I was. Which is probably the nicest thing anyone has said to me and probably the first time I have felt accepted for who I really am. I do plan to tell him next time I see him this week and I know it will be fine. Once one person knows I will feel so much better but the next obstacle is my parents and family. I am actually terrified to tell them as I really don't know how they will react and I think my mother and dad is a little homophobic. For example when I talk about my gay friends and how they have partners they think it's gross. I think my two sisters will be a bit wobbly but I think they will be OK after a few days. Before I talk more, I can't tell them in person... there's no way. I just can't do it. I think personally the best way for me is to write them a letter. I was thinking that I stay around my friends house and leave a letter for them? That way they won't be able to say something they don't mean because their shocked and adapt to the news a little and then i can talk about it with them if they want later on when they have done that. Do you guys have tips for coming out or experiences you guys would like to share which would help? Thank you
I had the same thing happen to me, when I was 20. I'd grown up in a very religious home feeling ashamed and guilty for my feelings. Then one night, I was so upset about it, I remember crying in bed, and then something just snapped and I remember thinking to myself, "Y'know what? If tomorrow, someone asks me if I'm gay, I'm just going to say 'Yes'." Like you, I had a friend I knew I could come out to and she would have a positive reaction. As for coming out to a potentially hostile family? I waited until I was 22, living on my own for 6 months, and no longer dependant on my parents. Not that I'd recommend that for you, unless you feel like an extreme reaction is possible. I'd suggest coming out to your close friend first, then your sisters, if you think they'll take it better than your parents. It's good to have some people on your side when you come out to someone who might not take the news well. It'd be great if your sisters were there to say, "Calm down, Mom/Dad, it's not that big a deal. Sure, it surprised me, too, but I still love him." Plus then you can talk with your sisters about coming out to your parents and see what insights they have as to how they might react, since no one else knows your parents like your siblings do! I've gotten some great advice from my brother about coming out to the rest of my family. Good luck!
Hi Ian85, Thank you for the great advice sounds like a good plan with my sisters... I told my friend about 4 hours ago now. As I expected they took it fine and they were so so supportive. Guess I'm luck really to have someone like that. Now that someone knows i think i can take my time and find the right moment to tell my family. But I can tell some of my other close friends too soon. My family are not religious in anyway and i don't think they would kick me out or anything like that. I think it will just be a huge shock and i don't wont to be there when they re act to it... that's why i thought the letter would be a good idea so it would give them a bit of time to take it in. If you don't mind my asking... what was your parents reactions? Tom
I've found that some people are very accepting when they're dealing with a theoretical or with someone they aren't close to. It's different when it's your son or daughter or someone else you're close with.
