Well, I did it. I came out to my wife today in what was likely our last day of marriage counselling. I was nervous, my heart was was pounding, but I powered through! She seemed like she was in shock, surprise, and relieved. Seriously, I am not sure what I would have done if I was on the other side of the couch, it was surreal! Anyways, I did a little reading on this site the past couple of weeks, It may have helped to know that I am not the only one. Essentially, the way I looked at it was that there was nothing anyone could do about this, and hiding and surpressing my emotions for the rest my life wasn't going to work for me anymore. Be honest with yourself about who you are; words to live by.
Welcome... and congratulations on coming out to her. I know how hard it must have been and what you must have been feeling. Working through the next stages of her processing the loss may be challenging, but hopefully in the end she will understand you and with luck, you can maintain a friendship with her as you each move forward with your lives. I hope you'll stick around and share your experiences with others. The more people can see what others are experiencing, the less alone they will feel.
Thank for all of the kind words. It was difficult to come to this decision, but frankly, when I came to the realization of "this is who I am", it was almost easier for me to process; I have only come to this realization in the past 5 weeks, keep in mind. Deep down knew this as my reality, and have been supressing it with some sort of BS for as long as I can remember; it was drinking, laughing things off, or just being angry. I used to question myself, wondering about what it would be like to really embrace somethng like this, really embrace my self. I have a long road ahead of me with my wife and our 2 kids, but honestly I know 100% that having 2 happy parents will result in 2 happy kids. Certainly, this was never in my life picture, and do not regret a single thing about my marriage, children and dating/marrying my wife. It is surreal, really. i cannot believe it, my therapist is in shock that I literally took the bull by the horns, and I am pretty happy with myself. 2 years of therapy, 2 years of healthy living, about a year and a half of not drinking, thinking clearly, workng out, asking myself the difficult questions, and visiting life experiences from childhood to now... That's what it took me. When I think about the aigns life sent me in the past, they were there. I hope my story is helpful. Peppered through the internet there is some good support, some good helpful stories, and a lot of people in the same place in life. Years ago I was walking through and airport to catch a plane to Florida for some R&R; I picked up a book called "The History of God", I am not religeous, and this is a not a religeous story nor a reference to anythng about being religeous, keep in mind. In this book there were many accounts of, you guessed it, the history of one god or another. What was consistent throughout was, When someone would ask if he/she was god, the person would respond "I am who I am". Never confirming if he/she was god. This person knew who they were, and did not need to have someone tell them who they were, and nor did he/she need to tell them. With this in mind, it helps me rationalize who I am, and that this it. I just kept telling myself, "I am who I am" and I am happy with who I am. I have more thoughts, but this post is long enough...
Congratulations. Thank you for sharing. It helps give me strength and hope thy I can soon do what I have to do.
It sounds like you're in a good place now. And you're right, kids with two happy parents will be better off than if they had two miserable ones. Congratulations on having the courage to do it.
Wow, congratulations. I just came out to a couple of people in my family this week, too. It was hard enough just doing that! 5 weeks doesn't seem like a long time, but I guess in a sense you've been waiting you're whole life. So have I. Cheers.
Hello. Great post and I especially like the line about happy parents = happy kids. I need to hold onto that thought! My son is only 4 months old but I intend to love him and do the best I can for him. Life wasn't meant to be this complicated. Pain now, contentment later.
Thanks for everyones support ! I think one of my biggest fears was ruining my childrens life. Then I realized that abd questioned myself... What will be better, two kids that grow up with parents that are just a little happy, not honest with themselves, and really what eill be best for everyone? My wife will ultimately be happier. Our kids will realize that this really isn't that uncommon (when they are older) and they will have two happy loving parents, of which they do already have; we'll just be happier! The friends think you will lose were not real friends anyways. It is easy for now to encourage others to do this now, of course, but I have never felt so relieved in my life! What is the worse that will happen to you if you just be yourself?
Update: I've told a few friends, and a good chunk of my family. The surprising thing is how supportive everyone has been. I have been pretty distraught and stessed this week, but am so surprised and relieved!
Well, a new phase... My wife moved out yesterday. It was probably the most difficult part about all of this. It really was a surreal experience, I just could not believe it was happening. After it was all said and done, I went and picked up the kids, made dinnee and went to bed, well not to bed really, to couch, as my soon to be ex-wife wanted the bed... It's best to pick your battles with stuff, and I was having a new bed delivered today, which I am going to go sleep in right now. It's been a tough road, but amazingly not as tough as I pictured it. My advice: Stay as positive as you can with your partner during the process, don't lie. It's best if you haven't been cheating on them (I was not, and continue to not). Keep the ng term goal of happiness in your mind with every move you make. There are so many chances to F the whole thing up, and get everyone pissed off; don't take those chances.
I'm so glad that everybody was accepting. It must have been hard for your Wife to move out. But things will soon get better. (*hug*)
