I just accepted that I'm gay last Friday. It's been super emotional. I came out to my therapist first, then some close friends, then my husband. I called my best friend, she lives 4 states away so it had to be over the phone. There's a handful of other safe people I want to come out to because I really like the freedom of not hiding. Am I going at this too fast? Should I slow down and take more time to process this before inviting other's into the process? There are people I'm dreading coming out to. I'm not even considering that at this point. I'm not ready to tell my kids or parents or acquaintances or anyone who doesn't love me. Can it be damaging to tell too many people too soon?
Well, there is something to be said about getting it over with in one fell swoop, but that is a judgment call that only you can make. But to the ones who love you, why wait any longer? The real questions and concerns will come soon after, and one should expect them, it's part of the process of acceptance and you might as well get it started. You also need to consider that they may not take it well that you have told others before telling them. We're here to help as best we can.
In my opinion, it isn't a good idea to rush it. I understand that you want freedom and want to stop hiding. But this is a very touchy subject to some people and it probably wouldn't be a good idea to tell everyone all at once. You just accepted this last Friday, so maybe giving it some time to soak in for yourself is a good idea. I don't think your kids will be judgmental. They love you because you are their mother and I know they'll accept you no matter what. I know that if one of my parents or someone close in relation told me they were homosexual, I wouldn't mind at all. And I'm not just saying that because I like women. My mom is the straightest person I know, and if she were to tell me she likes women, I would be absolutely shocked, but I wouldn't for one second judge her or be sad. I would want her to be happy. And I know your kids want that too. Now your parents on the other hand, I know they love you and I know they want what is best, but telling them may be a lot harder. They won't love you any less, but they may judge you because they will most likely judge themselves. If they don't agree with the homosexual lifestyle, then they may begin to blame themselves and wonder what they did wrong in raising you. But that shouldn't be a reason to not tell them. Just wait a little while until you feel the time is right. This is your personal business and it should be treated with care. As far as it being damaging, I'm not sure. I don't really like to look at it that way. Telling anyone about your orientation is a bit hard. But I wouldn't like to see it as something that would ruin a part of my life just because I was honest with my feelings. If anyone chooses to not accept it and stop talking to you, then that's their problem, not yours. You deserve to be happy, and everyone should understand that.
If you feel comfortable doing it, and it feels right. Go for it. You will know in you're head that you are ready. Good luck
I would say that if YOU feel like you're rushing it, then perhaps you are. There aren't really any rules about it--you have to go with your gut and do it the way that you're most comfortable with. Sounds like you're pretty secure, however--I don't know that I would be too concerned at this point. And of course, the more people you tell, the more likely others will find out, so a lot of your work may already have been done for you!
One thing: follow your heart. For those who you think that would be supportive and on your side would be there for you no matter what. And those are the people worth telling if you feel like it. So GO FOR IT. Those that you dread coming out to...acquaintances? They don't need to know, why bother? However, your family members would be another problem, though the truth is you couldn't hide it from them forever, though I certainly don't think now is the moment....wait for it, and you'll know when the right time comes. Hugs, and Good Luck!
The rate that YOU feel comfortable with is the right rate for YOU. If you do it fast, then most people will hear about it from you, the way that you want to tell them, not via the "grapevine". It is all about YOU and your needs, not theirs; they will process the information at the speed which is right for them. IMHO, of course.
