Hey everyone, First off, I am going to say I am very thankful I found this site. Reading the stories on here make me realize I am not alone. My problem... oh, where to begin. My problem is I am gay... or i'm pretty sure I am. I have had feelings that I have known it for a while (I'm 19). I have a lot of friends or at least acquaintances in my life that I know would accept me. My parents and coworkers are who I am afraid to tell, mostly. With my parents, I know they will accept me, but i feel like it will be so awkward, since I'm so close to them and I have played off being straight. They have even told my sisters and I they would accept us if we ever were gay. However, my mom has always talked about people that we know are gay in such a weird(for lack of a better word) way. She makes it sound like they have cancer and are... like dead or dying. I just don't want to be thought of that way. I want them to know I didn't choose this life and I would kill to be straight. I have pictured myself having a wife, kids, A DOG lol. My mother has also pictured me having this life, so that kind of sucks that I am not giving her that.. i can still get the dog, Im sure haha. I am almost 20 and haven't ever been in a serious relationship with a girl, so maybe that has tipped off my parents. I have also never seen myself in mind in a relationship with a guy though, but I am attracted to them. Also, I work closely with 4 other coworkers. I know everything about them for the most part, but they only know part of me. I have had to live a lie, just so I could fit in with them. Basically, the reason I am writing this is because I am scared, honestly. I don't know what I want out of life. It interferes with everything I do. The fear of not knowing what is in store. What I figure is at least i am trying to sort this all out now before I am married with 2 kids and then decide. This is more so just a vent then a question, now that I read it, but I appreciate any feedback!
Hey dude, it sounds like you're in the right place. Good luck with your journey of discovery. By the way, please don't get married and have 2 kids if you're not sure
Heyyy, I can totally relate to your situation. I went through something very similar myself, when coming to terms with my sexuality. I managed to play being a straight guy really well and managed to convince everyone close to me I was straight. However, I never had girlfriends and I always deflected questions from my parents, or friends about girls. Subtly giving them a slight tip off. I know for me, it took time to accept who I was and I didn't want to come out, before I knew in my head that I was fully ready. It kinda just hit me one day like 'jeez i'm gay' and it was the scariest thing ever. But you become accustomed to it. And once you do, you start to feel truly happy and everything starts to fall into place. When I came out to my parents, much like you I feared the awkwardness of the situation more. Not to mention the fact that my dad was so homophobic and would often make a multitude of homophobic comments around me. So I decided to right them a letter. I felt like it was a more indirect method, but at the same time it allowed me to get all my feelings out on paper and tell them what I was truly feeling. Without having to say it directly to their faces. I don't think I could have handled seeing their reactions when I told them . Anyways, everything was fine. No awkwardness. Nothing. In fact, they said that they'd wished I'd have gone to them sooner about it. But also, they said it clarified a lot of things for them and things started to add up. All I can say is, don't do anything until you are completely sure. I know it seems like the worst thing every right now. But one day you'll wake up and think 'this is me. this is who i am and i'm cool with that' . It just takes time to get there. But once you do, the feeling is unreal. Finally, sorry that this is such a long response and the advice is pretty lame. But I hope it helps you somewhat. Good luck with figuring things out. And I'm sure. Actually, I'm certain. EVerything will be fine! Remember, things always get better no matter how bad they seem at the start. Good luck!
I am picturing you with a husband, 2 kids by adoption or surrogacy, and two dogs, and happy that you made the right choice; screw what other people think; what matters is what you and your partner think, because you are making the right move now, before getting a woman you can never really love tangled up in a problem not of her making. Tell your parents soon, when you are ready; they will be happy to get your grandchildren to play with, and accept your partner for the love he shows for you.
Woah, that was awesome advice. Everything you said.... made me feel so much better. I am pretty much at the phase where I have realized "jeez I'm gay" as you once were. I was driving to work the one day, as thats my thinking time lol, and it literally just hit me. Now I'm trying to adjust to that. I have a little bit more "soul searching" to do, but its inevitably going to happen, and it's going to happen sooner than later.
