I noticed that a lot of you have guts.

You better believe it's worth the fight.

Loving someone, loving anything, is what being human is all about.

We were made for connection to others and to things beyond ourselves...you had better fight for love, what else is worth the price?

 

well, i sort of got an ally (my sister) then i just told my mom. she wasn't ready for it but she eventually came to terms with it. at some point i was outed to my dad.

things for me didnt go crystal though, my parents still dont accept me, I'm not going to be accepted any time soon. however they still love me, i just need to watch what i do and say, since they're going to be over my shoulder the next year or two.

i hope you got something from that :/
dont expect them to be fine with it at first, I would suggest waiting for a bit. at least till you are (if you arent) living on your own and independent.
but do what you need to do, i wish you luck

 

Well, times are changing.... I have been able to come out as a teen because of cultural acceptance and campaigns such as the Trevor project, along with shows like glee and modern family which show "normal" gay families. There is less of a stigma in the north (where I live), so luckily most people are open minded. Had I lived in the Bible Belt, I would probably be buried deep in the closest.


Yes, it is gutsy to come out as a teen, but I didn't want to hurt anyone in a relationship which would never work.

I decided that I loved myself more than the person society destined me to be.

 

My wife is originally from Birmingham, AL and had a strict Southern Baptist upbringing. Her parents have been divorced since her senior year in high school. We have been together since college. She came out to her parents a year or so after graduation. Her mom has always been very accepting. Her dad and step-mom never were. Since we had a son 9 years ago that he refuses to acknowledge, my wife hasn't spoken with her dad. Her step-mother's brother is gay and HIV positive. They have said it is a punishment from God.
In the end, some people will surprise you by their acceptance, while others will cling to their hateful beliefs.

 

In the end, you need to live the life that is best for you. You can't make your life conform to your family's expectations or you'll end up miserable and hurting others, including yourself. Be true to yourself, and hopefully some of your family members will come to support you. Hugs and best wishes.

 

You know, I spent 11 years in Catholic schools and I never heard any of the religious gay bashing that we hear now. The all boys Christian Brothers run high school even had a policy of accepting young homosexual boys and did not accept abuse against them. They were even all put together in their own rooms when we went on camps. Even though many of the Brothers and lay teachers disagreed personally with homosexuality, I never saw any of the hate we see now.

 

I think that Christian-Christians and Catholic Christians handle this matter differently. Most Catholics are indifferent or silent on the topic. When there is discrimination of this sort in the Catholic church, it really rattles cages, the transgressors have to apologize, and they are reassigned because they can't stay in the same place with the backlash. I'm just curious as to how they would have made the determination as to whether kids were "young homosexual boys" since it's not information someone would have provided? However, it is cool that the environment you describe was especially protective and respectful of kids' basic dignity. Mostly, the problem in private and parochial schools is pandering to the kids and families of the kids who have money more so than discrimination.

Echoing what others said, you don't know how a religious zealot will react on the topic of sexual orientation when faced with it in someone they know, such as a family member or a good friend. Some see the person first, and the dogma later. Others cling to the dogma.

 

Well, basically there were boys who the Brothers accepted as students as they were being bullied and being bashed at their relevant Government high schools for being gay. The 80's was a dangerous time to be gay in Sydney. Hundreds of unsolved gay murders simply because the Police didn't care about them.

Also, while on Year 10 camp, one of the very teachers there that I actually liked and got on with, admitted to me that they deliberately allocate known homosexual students together if they so wish as long as they promise not to have sex while sharing the same area.

 

Ok, I understand. They basically transferred from what we call a public high school in the U.S. to a Catholic high school.

While I believe you, that the 80s in Sydney were that dicey is surprising. Most of us picture it as a combination of L.A. and Rio, in terms of attitude ... kind of beach-oriented and free-wheeling. As for the kids having or not having sex, that would have been on an honor system. In a general sense, were these kids able to overcome the negativity and use the school as a springboard toward fulfilling and productive lives from what you know? That would be interesting to know.

 

We had a bad era for gay bashings, etc. THE reason for not being open with who I was back then. Now I just see it as my personal business.

That is an interesting question because nobody held anything against them. Most of the boys did not agree nor like it. When the boys woke up to things such as Boy George is gay, most stopped listening to his music which I found annoying.

Those boys who were labeled as being a "poofter" were not LGBT but it was a label to publicly list them for being free to bash up. It was a brutal high school for those who did not fit in. People like myself. I had enough fights to stop people from trying to belt me up for being an easy target on/off crutches all the time.

Regarding those labeled as, The Gay Group but always left alone in peace, they all seemed to be academic achievers. So I assume they were able to push themselves ahead into a good adult life.

 

We had some side discussions that derailed the focus on the OP.

Chic30, can you sort of predict which key family members would be toxic and which would not? Would their toxicity be that bad, such that you couldn't frequent them anymore? I assume you are on your own. Would it all be based on their religiosity? Because if it is and you haven't bought in (many Christian types don't subscribe to the hate), then it should matter less, unless it's about the whispering, the gossip, and the cold shoulder? That's valid, too. It also hurts. Is this because there is someone special you have in your sights or to take a load off your shoulders? Either are valid. One thing that might be easier, as a first step, is to not pretend you're straight, as in "(Insert name of man) is really cute." Looking back, when Rosie O'Donnell used to go on her Tom Cruise rants on a talk show, it was a bit much and, even though she wasn't out then, it wasn't credible, either. Just act neutral. If someone goes on and on about Jessica Alba, I'll just say "she's all right." She's not my type, anyway. The question of coming out is a matter of personal timing. Angst, comparing yourself to others, and a compulsive reaction are often not the best reasons.

I come from a religious household, too, albeit a loosely religious household. I got walked in on at about 14 by a parent, but they knew I was all over the map sexually as I was growing up, based on who I was with sometimes and not coming home until 2 am on rare occurrences once I got my license. Not a word was said about that sighting. Between the much bigger fish to fry in our household and the fact that there are numerous never-marrieds in the extended family, it's something that doesn't matter.

Chic30, do YOU want to come out? If so, what is your motivation for doing so and when do YOU think is the best time to do it?

 

That's just because I love nachos, and don't exercise enough to compensate.

Oh, you meant the OTHER kind of guts. OK.

If you TRULY didn't care what your family thought, you would've come out years ago. Because they would have been a non-issue in the decision on whether/when to come out.

Your posts have indicated what a negative influence your (extended) family is. That sort of begs the question - is there anything to gain by keeping yourself tethered to them? My belief is family is as family does. My parents have always been great to me, so I'll always be great to them. One family member was a dickweed to me and others, so I just stopped dealing with him at all.

Lex

 

If we imagine an environment that is not homophobic in any way, or at least the homophobes are shunned, this is why they come out at that age now. I can totally understand why someone who is 30+ can't imagine that, but if you and everyone around you is brought up to think gay is the same as everyone else, there is no reason to go in the closet. I have friends who came out at 13-14 and this is what they tell me.

Unfortunately, i was raised in an environment like yours so that was impossible. I can tell you though the simplest way out of it is to find a less judgmental environment.

 

I understand where you're coming from because my close friend's (she is bisexual) sister and mother sound like your mom and brother. Although, they aren't as vocal about their lack of acceptance for homosexuality. They do think it is a choice, and once they found out about me, they thought I could somehow turn my friend gay. My friend is not out to her family because she feels like they will disown her and kick her out of the house.

Surprisingly, her mother has not treated me any differently since finding out, but I know it's different when it's your own child. I am lucky because my family accepted me with open arms. However, my sister treated me like the plague for weeks and it was very hurtful.

I think you should tell them once you move out on your own. It's the worst feeling being under the same roof as someone when they are giving you the silent treatment. That's exactly what my sister did to me, not only that, she would leave the room she was in if I walked in. She eventually came around to the idea of me liking women, but I can tell that it still makes her feel a tad bit uncomfortable. I often have a difficult time talking to her about my life and my girlfriend, which sucks.

I think you should causally bring up topics about the LGBT community. I know they're going to have negative things to say, but ask them how does homosexuality affect their every day life? I never understood people who are not either allies/gay themselves, why do they care so much? It's puzzling to me, but I've stopped trying to please other people. It's not like they have to love, kiss or have sex with a woman, which is awesome by the way

 

I see. It's a roof over the head issue. Why is your brother suddenly on this rant? What's that all about? Most people who are straight don't go off on anti-gay rants on Facebook unless they're religious fanatics with a page done up like that. Why haven't you made friends? I'm curious. I know that making friends comes at a slower pace as time goes by, but is it because that's where you're living, and you don't want to bring friends into the fold, so to speak?