Hi all, So here is my situation. I'm 26, married for 2 years, have a 4 year old daughter and a child on the way. I have known I've had gay feelings for as long as I can remember, however due to pressures of my parents views on homosexuality, the fact I've been bought up as a Christian and friends views, I have always tried to put these feelings to the back of my mind and forget about them. I've always dated girls and got with my now wife when I was 21. I honestly thought when I married her that I would be able to control my feelings and focus on our fantastic relationship and our family, but ultimately this hasn't been the case. I've reached a point in my life where these feelings are eating away at me, I know I'm gay and attracted to men, however it couldn't be a worse time to be feeling the way I do considering my wife is pregnant. After battling with these feelings for such a long time, I have finally come to terms with who I am, but I need advice on when is right to tell my wife - this isn't any longer a matter of it, it's when. Do I tell her now? Or do I wait until our baby is born next year? There will never be a right time for this and I will ruin our family and it will be incredibly difficult, however there always seems to be something that will stop me and delay me from being honest about how I feel. Please let me know your thoughts so I can try and act on help and advice rather than my own feelings and decisions which may not be the best when considering an outsiders point of view? Thanks
Welcome. I don't know when would be a good time. I just wanted to let you know your not alone. One thing I learned is that there is a lot of good people with good advice on here. Your situation is different then most. When it first came up to my wife about me she was pregnant with our son. We stayed together for 11 years and here I am today. It is much worst and harder now then it would have been to come clean and end it then. But I felt I had to stay to keep the family together. The feelings just get worst as time goes by. So.probably sooner the better. I was also unaware that my wife thought it was a phase back then and the other day made a comment about it.
Woah, totally sympathise with you, this sounds like a really difficult situation. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said there won't be a right time. I say figure out what will be the best way for your wife. Whenever you do do it, make sure you reassure her that you weren't purposely lying to her, it's not her fault but you can't help who you are, but also that you will always be there for her as the father of your children. If you do tell her now, maybe you could offer to stay living together to share the responsibility of the newborn and let her decide whether she wants that. I don't know if any of this is good advice, I haven't had children myself (some advice from women who have had children would be useful to you I think!) Just my thoughts.
In the same boat. Here is my story. As a kid would mess around with girls and discreetly guys. With girls it was a relationship. With guys we just wanted the same thing to get off. Married for almost 30yrs now with kids. Thought I was done with the guy thing but find myself thinking about them and attracted to them even thou I have not acted on it. It's driving me crazy. I also was raised Christian friends family and my wife all anti gay.Want to tell my wife but I love her and my kids very much and don't want to ruin it. I did not ask for these feelings tried to denigh them all my life. Me personally I will just keep trying to bury these thoughts for the sake of my marriage kids family and friends. I feel for you man it's very frustrating.:tears:
