I have just started university in London, and am absolutely loving it. The only problem is that in my head I had planned to be open about my sexuality from the start, as it is much easier to be out to people that you don't know. However, the topic of sexuality has not come up, and I don't want to just bring it up unnecessarily and make it an issue, but I feel like people have already formed an opinion of me as a straight female, seeing as I certainly appear that way. I don't wish to be closeted as it is such a burden, and I still haven't come out to any of my friends from my previous school (or family). I'm starting to feel like I'm never going to get the courage to come out, and I sometimes think it would be easier if I looked or acted stereotypically gay, so that people may assume from the start. I don't really know what the point of this post is. I'm just feeling a bit down about this and would maybe like some words of encouragement or support (needy, I know haha ). Thanks! Islander
Glad you're enjoying Uni. I'm going into my second year of Uni this week (Freshers starts Monday woo-hoo) and trust me last year was the best year of my life so far, and no doubt it'll be yours too I was in completely in the same boat as you this time last year. I know it's so frustrating just waiting for the perfect natural moment for it to come up in conversation for you to mention your gay, but it is very worth it, just being patient and waiting for this moment. Because I knew literally every one of my friends I told said they preferred being told in this way, because they felt more relaxed and open (no innuendo intended) than if I'd gone in to each one's room individually, asked them to sit down and just gone "I got something to tell you... I'm gay". I know what you mean about people assuming you're straight, but trust me, since like a lot of people in Uni get together with people of the opposite sex on a regular basis, people may start to wonder why you're not getting with boys in clubs, and in a way come to the conclusion themselves, so they respond better when they actually find out your gay. Also, whatever the temptation, don't try and act out the stereotypes if they're not you. You'll just feel uncomfortable and that isn't good. You could always join your University's LGBT society. I wouldn't say it's a must, but I know they do help some people. Something I'd recommend to do is maybe test the waters with your friends at Uni. Like if an LGBT topic comes up, maybe say something that could allow you to have a barometer of people's opinions on gay people; and maybe consider making coming out to them a priority because you know for a fact they'll respond well. So like people who you remember have made pro-gay comments in the past and those who have gay family members or other gay friends. Hope I've been of some help and it's not needy, everyone needs a boost now and then
I have signed up for my university lgbt society, but am nervous about going because I have no one to go with! Gay topics have come up with my new friends, and they seem to support gay rights, which is a relief. The lgbt icebreaker isn't until early October though, so I have a week or two to wait! I'm also a little worried about the knowledge getting back to people at home, as I'm not ready to come out to them yet. I definitely would find it easier coming out to people who I don't know well, but feel guilty about not coming out to my close friends back at home first! Ok, I think that's enough whining for now!
I went to the LGBT society two days ago. And they were a bunch of annoying twats and it was not welcoming. I hope you have more luck but just don't get your hopes up to much for the LGBT society. To me I won't hide that I'm gay but I don't think that if it doesn't come up I need to say it.
Hmm I've heard a lot of bad reviews about lgbt societies. What exactly is it that is so bad about many of them? I can't understand why people would behave this way to others in the same tricky situation.
Hi there! It's great that you have signed up. If it helps, try to think about that most, if not everybody, in the LGBT society went through similar feelings and fears. You could also try contacting somebody with the group and ask them if they would be willing to meet with you before the icebreaker and go with you to the event/meetup. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Usually, LGBT societies are safe spaces and members understand your need and want to be careful as to whom you are coming out to at this point. Hopefully you will find that the society is a good group to be a part of.
Hi! The longer time goes on, the harder it will be to come out. The sooner you do it, the easier it will be. I'm in my second year, and it feels impossible to be 'out there', I wish I'd done it a year ago xx
