So I have never been one to be sexually promiscuous or to have multiple partners or anything but I have had a past couple of months that have veered me from believing in the ability of gay men to not only have relationships, but to be incredulous as to the entire concept and aspect of love. It seems that to me, it’s become more of a straight person thing and as a result I have been promiscuous, sometimes not even remembering the guy's name and accidentally calling him something different. In the past month I have ended up sleeping with more than five guys, bringing someone home very weekend and this past week I sleep with the sweetest guy I have ever met and actually believed that I could have a relationship with, but messes that up by having a threesome with two guys I met the very night I met Kody, with a "k," the best looking sweetest guy I have ever been with and I won't ever get to see him again since I just moved back to Texas today. I really don't know why I keep picking up guys like it’s my job and I feel disgusting for it. I have come to a point where I no longer enjoy sex but am just going through the motions because that just "what gays do," fuck anything decen tlooking with a dick. I would really love some perspective on this, I really can't stand to go on doing this because I literally sicken myself every time it occurs and I just end up being really selfish with the guy despite them trying so hard. It’s not that their not attractive, they are VERY, VERY good looking guys that I end up going home with, but once there, I don't feel anything for them, I might be horney, but I don't want to have sex, I don't want to kiss them, I don't want to be even touched by them, I just want to go home and go to sleep in my own bed at my own place and pretend that I just went out, danced and had fun, and went home to sleep and that was it, but I feel this obligation to go through with the act anyways, and do. I feel cheap and worthless for doing so and I want to apologize to the guys who put so much effort to just get me to their place to end up pleasing me as oppose to us pleasing each other. I really hope it is something I can overcome, but I don't know the cattails for these feelings or actions and really just wouldn't mind being alone and left to live peacefully. The only guy in the field of promiscuity that had been that past month that I don’t regret is Kody, we spent a passionate night together and a wonderful day together the next day that I will not forget for a long time and only wish that we could have been together, I never knew that guys could be so caring and sweet and not just raging hormones, he was so tender and performed the cutest little actions and I just miss and want him, but I still don’t know what to do about the problem at hand.
I'm not one to judge. Some gay guys like to be in single, forever-'n'-ever relationships. Others don't like to be with the same guy twice, ever. Whatever works for them. So if you were just sleeping with a new guy (or two new guys) every night, hey, cool (assuming you're playing safe). But I don't understand doing it when you don't enjoy it. It's certainly not "what gays do". Sure, SOME gay guys do it, but certainly not all. I can count my sex partners on the fingers of my left hand. Seriously, though, why don't you stop? Not necessarily forever, but for a weekend or two? Just stay home, watch TV, play video games, jerk off to porn, whatever. But take a "me" weekend where you don't go pick someone up. And don't say "I'll end up going out and picking someone up" - you're not helpless in this situation, being moved by forces beyond your control. You can make the decision not to do it, and stand by it. So try it. You may not have a killer time, but you may get a bit of insight as to what's going on. Lex
I think that the raging hormones is what makes men men. Full of this testostorone you feel like most men to have sex with anything and everything. I can see that as a phase, I have some gay friends and see it with them but with myself I want something deeper like you do right now. Someone to share not just sex but your other aspects of you. That is natural I think and maybe if the other lifestyle of many partners isn't working maybe it is time you try and change that. It won't happen right away, it takes time but I think beating yourself over it is not gonna help either. Make it a goal to try and find a guy, go out with him not have sex for the first week and take it from there. I learned (not just with relationships) that you can be surprised with yourself if you allow yourself to explore new paths on the road.
(*hug*) As it has been stated before, neither Lex, myself or anyone is empowered to judge you. The only thing that I can say now is to order your priorities and to love yourself. Every decision you take, make sure is the one you want for the short and long term. *Use protection every single time as well* Lex's advice is golden. Take a 'me' weekend and do the stuff you like (which is not involved on picking someone else up) and you'll feel better. Have you talked about this with someone else other than EC? Having someone, you know... in the same room with you to talk and be sincere can help. I wish you the best of the luck, and I am sorry I am not in Dallas to talk with you Oh, and one last thing: Always, always, put a smile on your face. It works wonders.
I can certainly understand how you can get caught up in the notion that 'gay guys just have sex with each other - and there's nothing more to it than that.' Bars, night clubs, cruising web sites, cruising phone lines, porn sites... they all can give you the impression that gay guys are just in it for the sex and nothing more. But you need to broaden your view of what guys are out there, and what they do. As Lex said, some gay guys are in committed, long term, loving and monogamous relationships. And if that's what you're looking for, then that's what you have to look for! And you need to make it clear to those that you're interacting with that you're not looking for a one night stand - right from the 'get-go'. You absolutely need to break the cycle - and you can do it. As suggested, stay home and 'chillax' by yourself, or with friends. Don't go to a bar or log into a cruising web site. Or, if you're going out, commit to yourself that while you might flirt, you're only going to leave with his number, not with him. Set some ground rules for yourself... No sex on the first or second date. No sex unless you've known the person for at least 2 weeks. No sex unless you've been out together before and plan to spend time together after. That kind of thing. And guys that aren't willing to go that route obviously aren't what you're looking for. My bf and I knew each other for 3 months (!!!) before we were intimate. There were reasons why, but it worked for us. And if / when the sex wasn't great in the beginning, that was OK. We could talk about it - and it didn't form the basis of our relationship anyway. But the reality is, the sex was absolutely AMAZING! And that's BECAUSE we knew each other. We cared for each other. We loved each other. And it has just gotten better over time. So you CAN'T be left with the impression that it's just about hot sex and nothing long lasting. Because it absolutely is about more than just sex. Get in touch with the guy you like. Tell him. Maybe you'll have the opportunity to get to know him via instant messenger or by phone. And then when you get back together in the fall, you'll be ready to take a stab at one of those long term, committed relationships that gay men absolutely can have. Love isn't only a hetrosexual thing. Trust me!
I don't think I will ever see him again, I would rather not, I've had too any a bad experiences with men that now give me feelings of disdain concersning both himself and I. I have been cut too deep that, for the moment at least, I don't have any feelings of residivism towards any guy, I really just HATE men, and I HATE sex, but I have come to this perpetual abandonment of reason and gone with my instinct to mate and disavow my integrity in the process
Well, as long as you consider yourself as being moved by forces stronger than yourself, then there's really not anything else to be said. Lex
