Hi everyone Recently I wrote a post about my own stuggles in coming out. Just a quick re-cap for those that didn't read it. I'm 42 years old, single, had one gay relationship which ended recently because my partner didn't feel that, until I came out completely, I wouldn't be in a position to commit completely to him. I also wrote about how happy I am to have accepted myself as a gay man, but even despite that I am really struggling in coming out to the people closest to me - my family and my friends. Because I am older - now in my 40s - and because I've lived a lie for so long as far as they are concerned, it's more to do with the illusion that they have about me that is proving to be the biggest barrier in breaking that illusion and telling the people who have been a part of my life for pretty much all of my life who I really am. Anyway, because of the responses that I had to my post - and I thank everyone who replied to my post - I've decided that it's now time to tell everyone. I just can't go on living a lie to the people who mean the most to me. I'm scared, no, I'm petrified that they will reject me, but the more I think about it, I think that rejecting me is something that they will not do. I'm just tired of lying, of presenting a facade around myself. I just want to be honest, and true, and the people closest to me - my mother, father, sister, friends, well they deserve to know the truth. They are good people, and it's unfair to them that I lie to them. So lie no more. My sister lives in London, far away from where I live, but next month my mother and I are going down to see her. I've decided that this will be the time, while we're together, that I will tell them. I will no doubt need some dutch courage, but it is simply something that I need to do. I will be on my own - that is in respect that I won't have a boyfriend next to me to hold my hand and give me support. It will be just me, across a table in a restaurant, in a public place, that will dictate the conversation by stating, as an opening gambit - "I have something to tell you, and I want you to listen and be quiet and understand what I'm about to say". I'm scared as hell, not only in regards to how they will react instantly to my announcement, but how they will view me from that moment forward. But that doesn't compare to the feelings that I am going through at the moment and the guilt in living a lie to them. In short, I would rather be true to them and lose them from my life, than continue to live a lie just so that they remain in my life. I hope they accept me. I pray that they accept me. But it is now the time that I have to put myself first and in being honest, at least I will be able to hold my head high and be true to myself. Anyway, the date of my trip down to London is mid-October. I will, of course, let you all know how it goes. But I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone here, not only those who responded to my previous post, but also to everyone who has commented and offered advice and support to others in other posts - posts that I have read and taken great heart from.
Good luck. I haven't dared come out to my family yet either but I can tell you that with every person I've come out to so far I have felt better and better. And you've already taken the first steps by posting on here and making the decision to come out. Maybe you could come out to a friend you know will be supportive first to practice? Just remember no matter when you do it, it will feel hard, so you will need to push through that fear and come out with it. After it will be a weight off your shoulders. Keep us updated
Good luck with that conversation. I've found that a big glass of Jameson on the rocks helps with these situations. Liquid courage always helps.
