I literally just started uni and my parents found out I've been dating my "friend" for 6 months. I knew they would hate it so I tried to hide it and of course they found out on the day I move into Halls. They went mental. My mum started crying and said she couldn't even look at me. How could I be a lesbian (I'm not, but they don't understand anything other than straight or gay) and why would I do this to them. I'm not to tell "her" family anything and she's so embarrassed. My dad lost it too- he says I either end it with my girlfriend or he won't pay for uni and I'll have to go live with them in another country. He told me he better not see her otherwise she'll "get what's coming". They dropped me off where I'm staying and just left. I don't know what to do. I spent one night at uni alone and I hated it. I rang my parents crying and they came to sort me out. Now this has happened. I don't have anyone or know anyone where I am. I have no money and no one to go to. Please help.
nice... some parents are worse than kids, I guess :icon_wink So, where are you? In some secret cottage in deep forests? At uni? And you said you had spent one night at uni - so you are not supposed to live in the campus regularly? Do you have to live in your parents' house?
I think the wise thing is to give everybody a chance to digest the information. You've presumably had several years to come to grips with your sexuality, and they've had a few hours. So let them mull it over a bit. If you haven't told your girlfriend, I'd just tell her "My parents found out and they completely freaked out. I'm going to need some time to calm them down." Lex
Consider all options including a scholarship or part scholarship including some employment if you can find a job. I'm sorry about your parents. Some can be very harsh. Let's hope they turn around once it sinks in.
You need to contact the financial aid people at your university; they probably have an emergency fund you can tap until you can get this straightened out. Your parents are being unreasonable and irrational right now, so if you have other relatives you can call upon to assist you dealing with them that might also help. It's not the end of the world, it is a beginning of your new one. Hang in there; "it gets better".
Are you a first year? If so, you may nt know all about the help that's available. There will be a student support centre at your uni, there will be people there who can help out practically. There may be a LGBT society, at mine you can visit them at freshers fair or in Private/secret. They should be able to help too. Don't think you're aloe at uni, no one wants to see you drop out and they will do their best to support you xxx
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I agree with Ohhai, seek out a LGBT society. They will truly understand your situation and give you the support you need. I wish I did that when I was your age. Whatever you do, don't let your parents intimidate you into denying what you are. It's your life, not theirs.
So sorry to hear about this Fiction; having your parents 'turn on you' is a hard thing to cope with. Some excellent advice in the previous posts. Only thing I'd add is to say, you are not alone. There is a I'm sure, a community of folks on your campus who you can turn to who will empathize, understand and support you.
Thank you for the support everyone. My parents did calm down and agreed to pay for uni. However they're now blaming my girlfriend for everything as she's a "bad influence". They've given me an ultimatum now- to stay here at uni with my girlfriend and they will pay the uni fees for now but return to live in Cape Town (where we're originally from) and don't want anything to do with me while I'm "in this stage". Or I can go back to Cape Town, start uni there and everything will return to "normal". Gah. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my girlfriend as I love her and she's been one of the only things that has gone right in this last year. I love my parents deeply and we're quite a close family. They're important to me and I never wanted to be in another country from where they were. I don't know what to do. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to face and I have no one to talk to currently. Freshers fair with the LGBT society is only tomorrow and my parents want an answer tonight. My girlfriend has no idea what to do- she's shocked and not really dealing with it. I can't ask my family as my parents don't want them to know about any of this.
That's dirty blackmailing. Let them leave. You know it's not a phase or stage, this will solve nothing. You would face the same problems in Cape Town too. Let them leave and so that they can think about it and digest it. They will come around.
I'm afraid your parents don't really respect you if they use money against you. That is heartless and cruel. Try to be independent as possible.
Ugh, how awful for you! I'm so sorry it's all happening in one go for you (*hug*) I have to second this I'm afraid. If you leave behind the girl you love and agree to sweep it under the rug and move to another country to pretend it never happened, what kind of life will you have? You will resent them, you will not be respecting yourself, and they will certainly not be given reason to begin to respect you either. My advice would be to let them go for now. Complete your course as you originally intended, stay with your girlfriend, get to know yourself better, meet with LGBT groups and make more friends. Take this few years as a time to build yourself up as a strong, independant woman. Leaving for Cape Town is permanent, letting them go without you isn't. You can finish uni and then decide afterwards if you want to join them, or if you'd rather continue with your life here. The timing could be a disaster, or it could be a miraculously planned opportunity for a time-out between you all. When you are able to feel strong about your decisions you will be able to command the respect from your parents that you deserve, only when you're on a more even keel can things begin to heal. I remember the first days I moved to uni, I felt so alone I cried for the first night or so, and that was with everything being smooth and trouble-free. You'll start meeting people soon and your family will begin to calm down. No matter how it feels now, you'll be fine, I know it!
Parents are in the bargaining phase. Anger Denial Bargaining...they go through it. Of course they are going ot blame her, as that is the only person they can think of. I would give them more time, don't make any rash decisions. You can continue at uni, and let them go home. Continue to talk to them like its normal and if they start in on it...just say "goodbye ttyl". Sometimes parents try to put pressure on their kids, and if you give in, it makes them think they can continue to do it, instead of realizing we/you are adults. You have to let them know you love them, but they can't just get rid of you because they disagree. It took my mother a LONG time to come around and it may take your parents just as long. But as long as they love you, they will find a way to get over it. Unless you give in...and then you will be bargaining for their love and giving in forever. And you DONT want to get in that cycle. My fiancee is still in it. She gives in and well...they keep doing it.
Your parents are being bullies. They're pressuring you to make a major decision without giving you time to think it though and seek out support. You're at an age where you need to become more independent. You will never be happy if you live your life to please them. Take it from someone who made the wrong decision. I let my parents push me back into the closet when I was young. Fast forward several years and I recently had to tell my husband of 10 years that I'm a lesbian. This has the potential to not only affect you but many others. Your sexual orientation won't go away, but parents have a way of pressuring their kids to hide it. Be strong and don't give in because if you do you will be "bargaining for their love and giving in forever." I know it's easier said than done. But while giving in may smooth things over in the short run it will only cause more problems in the long run. Sorry, I know it's hard. (*hug*)
