should i come out to my "buddy"? i'm pretty sure he's going to hate me for it...

dearest EC people, i have an urgent question to ask, i must be haste as i do not have much time, any feedback big or small would be immensely appreciated!

here's the issue: i'm currently at university and am struggling to decide whether i should implicitly/explicitly come out to a potential "buddy".

background: since being an exchange student i decided to do what all exchange students do, and that's apply for a buddy - a buddy is a local student you're paired up with who can show you around, introduce you to local life, and hopefully be someone you get along with - my buddy seems very nice, i have no issues with him, i see no reason why we can't do any of the above, however there is one thing...

buddy: this buddy of mine originates from a fairly lgbt-intolerant country, what's more his facebook page clearly states his religion (which happens to strongly oppose homosexuality, so my intuition says he probably opposes it also). he's straight himself, and very often mentions his interest in girls light-heartedly (on a number of occasions i've been tempted to casually do the same, but instead referring to boys). whenever he mentions girls, i get the impression he is waiting for me to concur, and i never do. it's as though he's trying to figure out my orientation, whether i am worthy or not. i have only chatted via facebook, not yet met in person. it seems a lot harder to come out in person, especially to someone who may react with disapproval.

for these reasons, i feel afraid to be open about myself. i said i'd be an honest individual this year, i really would like to connect with people, be able to trust them. i guess in order to achieve this i have to be prepared to make some foes along with friends.

questions: should i come out casually as if it's not an issue? or should i sit him down and ask if he's ok with it? what if he hates me for it and decides he no longer wants to fulfil his duty as a "buddy"? i feel a strong element of guilt and i don't know why.

 

^ you're right. it's something i don't want to do, but have to if i'm to be good to myself. i need to feel proud again :newcolor: i'm losing it unfortunately

 

^ thanks for the advice and your story. you give sound advice, perhaps not the easiest to abide to, but i know deep down it's the right thing to do. sooner better than later.

 

like ripping off a band aid! ok the next time the topic arises i'll make a mentioning of it.

:/

 

so i chickened out. today i spent the evening with this guy, who's very nice, i have nothing against him, i just fear he has something against me. i had so many opportunities to make it clear who i am, but couldn't do it. now i sit here alone, while it seems the world laughs and enjoys itself, i can't feel comfortable in my own skin. oh well

 

thanks for lifting my spirits with the last bit :') it's clearly something i have to do, something i want to do, i just can't admit it (i even had the opportunity to come out to a friend who was telling me of how they 100% supported gay rights, but i couldn't do it. it's like i got stage fright). the strange thing was that i was surrounded by such a diverse bunch of people, including obvious homosexuals, yet i still felt like if i confessed to him then i'd be confessing to the hundreds around me.

 

^ when i woke up this morning i thought of exactly that, telling the friend i know will be supportive (well i don't really have any friends, but i guess i need to take the plunge and give these people a degree of my trust), so now i know it's a sensible idea. while coming out one by one seems like it's dragging out the process, i think it's the most suitable and wise choice for me.