i'll try to make this short. my whole life i have hated being a woman and known i would just have been better off as a boy. i was aware of what trans was when i was young but i thought "well i'm not a lesbian so then i must not be trans", i finally (about 3 years ago) got the thought , wait..what if i am a gay man in a womans body.... i just came out to one person 3 days ago, she is a lesbian and runs a lgbt group in my town, she said its definitely a thing. i was so relieved but im still stressed and crying a lot. ive been going to a lgbt group and it's so great to have everyone support me and call me "he" thing is, other than my short hair, manly walk/mannerisms, i wear makeup and dress like a girl. i have an extremely feminine figure. i mean i dont wear like skirts and frills but i definitely dont dress like a dude, just what i know looks good. i have thought about sex change but not having a fully functional p*nis would almost be more difficult for me than just being a woman. my best friend is catholic and really against gays, my boyfriend is straight as a freaking laser cut ruler, my parents are just opinionated grumps, one of my sisters is painfully religious and was disgusted that i watch rupauls drag race... wtf. my other sister and one other close friend i can trust to react well... but how (if i ever should) do i come out? i also worry they wont even take me seriously....but ive struggled for so many years...i am so stuck at this point. please tell me the next steps.
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! You have come to the right place. Congratulations on coming out to yourself, and to the first person! That's fantastic! I am glad to read that you are part of a LGBT support group, and that everybody there has been supportive and (from the sounds of it) has given you a greater sense of being comfortable with your feelings and confirmation that you are on the right path. I wouldn't worry too much about the way you dress or look at the moment. Everything will fall into its place, in its own time. Related to that, I think a good next step would be to enlist the support/help of a counselor. It would be important for you to have someone in your support network that can guide you through your experiences and provide you with feedback on your reactions to, and thoughts on, your experiences. Given your description of how your family and friends might react, and given their religious beliefs, I'd encourage you to continue to build your support network, and once it is in place to start coming out to current friends and to your family. Continue to create new friendships, and surround yourself with people who you know support you, and are there for you.
Hi cookie and welcome You don't say how old you are. Are you a minor? A teenager? An adult? Can you go to a counselor or will you have to ask your parents to take you there (and or pay for it)? If you are fully dependent on your parents I would advice not to come out right now. If you live in a small town, be very careful who you come out to. Don't stress about make up or girls clothes. If you don't like it, slowly start to change the way you dress or stop using make up, but if you feel comfortable, don't feel guilty that you use make up. It will probably take some time to get used to the idea that you may be/are trans* and there is no one who would judge you for how far and fast you go with the change. Try to be comfortable in your own skin and keep discovering what makes you feel good and what doesn't. Don't stress about the future (*hug*)
i am 19, i live with my boyfriend, but my parents still send me money for living expenses. where could i find a good counselor? i live in a medium city (idk why i said town), with lots of resources, i'm just not so sure where to look... ALSO SOMETHING I FORGOT TO POINT OUT talking about my looks and such, i was trying to make a point that I am worried that I won't be taken seriously. like "well you don't seem like you should feel that way" or something stupid like that
The best would be to ask about counselor your LGBT friend. Be prepared that if you come out to your bf, he may break up with you from various reasons. There are not only two options - being cis* and being trans* - there is a vast gray zone - the one you have been living in right now. Perhaps before you come out, think about how much you want others to know, how much you need all people around you think about you as a boy, think about what may go well and what wrong after you come out. And THEN decide if you want to come out and to whom first. You say that you are scared, that's OK and you don't need to rush into shouting your discovery into the world. You can live months or longer like that and learn new things about yourself. Before you come out to someone, think about the answer to 'And what you are want me to do?' Be prepared that many people have never heard about trans* phenomena. And they won't understand. You can slowly prepare them and give hints by wearing men's clothes if you want. By mentioning that you feel better that way (if you do). But even then it will be difficult for many to understand.
One (additional) thing to think about then would be do start becoming fully financially independent first, which would most likely also give you a greater sense of being comfortable to talk with your family about what you are going through. If there are resources, and they are readily available, I'd encourage you to do research on them. Start with a close by PFLAG centre. Have a look at an area college's or university's website and see if the have a LGBT support group. Sometimes, support groups at colleges/universities, and in the community, will have websites detailing their meeting times and resources they offer. You might be able to find a support group that would be right for you. The LGBT support group should also be able to give you some of the information. Some cities/communities will have counseling centres that offer counseling services on a sliding scale. Some will even offer services for free for those who can't afford to pay the fees. Have a look on google, or in your local phone book and try calling a couple of offices. I wouldn't worry about whether or not others will take you seriously at this point. To be honest, I don't think you have to worry about that. I am pretty sure that if you say or if you talk about being transgender people will take you seriously. (*hug*)
