MY HAIR. I really can't understand why on earth I'm judged because of the length of my hair. I have extremely straight and clean hair, and I'm proud of that, so I wear it down to my shoulders. It isn't messy - I keep it neat and clean and wear it down in a ponytail at times when I feel like it needs a little more taming. When I'm at school in Boston, nobody cares - in fact I'm complimented quite often over it. But the moment I come back to New York, I get nothing but sh:***: for it. And most of all, from my mother. She has been so personally offended by the length of my hair that she has told me that she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me. Now of course I take into consideration that she was probably trying to give me extra reasons to just cut it in the heat of the moment, but you don't say that to your son! In fact, that statement just over a year ago is what started our explosive argument in which I came out to her (what a day). But anywho, that's another story and the whole point of this rant is that I don't feel like I can take this any longer. In addition to her nagging about it, I get crap from people I've known since my childhood. At this point I'm just searching for excuses so that I can return to my apartment in Boston and don't have to deal with any of this ridiculousness anymore. I know the best thing to do would probably to find some sort of compromise that we can both agree upon, but that will never happen. My whole life she has found reasons to nag about some quality that I have which doesn't suit her demands and wants. So I guess the question I mean to be asking is as follows: Has anyone had a similar situation with a parent and found a way to save their relationship? I feel like I'm not going to be able to come home and visit in the future and I wouldn't want to put my brother and father through that.
You could simply tell her how strongly you feel about this, just like you've told us. You're so annoyed at her nagging that you aren't interested in being here, and the fact is that otherwise you like spending time with them. See if that makes a difference. It really does seem to be a silly thing for her to nag on and on about. Could it be that there is something else bothering her? Could you wear it up under a hat when you're out with her?
My mother used to be horrified at some of the outfits I would wear. They weren't "gay" - they were just slovenly. She'd say, "Just don't tell anyone your last name." Finally, I threatened to get a beat-up T-shirt that said, "Mrs Lexingtion dressed me this way" along with her phone number. Compromise? What kind of compromise? Have the left side cut short? Lex
<<<<<<<<<<<< Look under my ID! Now the next time you see your Mom and she nags you about your hair. Just give her a big hug and say "Mom, I love you just the way you are and I would like you to love ME just the way I am." and ignore all future comments!
Is your mum like this with every one or is it just with you. If she is like this with everyone then just let the comments wash over you and do like Becky said. If she is like this only with you you need to have a sit down, serious talk with her about love and acceptance and what it is in your relationship that she can't accept you... and your hair as you are. If you have to tell her that you are ready to leave and not come back over this issue. As for your dad and your brothers either they can visit you in Boston or you can see them when your mum is not around. Once your dad realises how serious the situation is for you maybe he will jump in and get your mum to back off a bit. Had you been a serial killer, child molester or some wierd stalker I could understand your mum but your hair for god's sake! What your mum is doing is manipulating you and using emotional blackmail to hurt you to make you do what SHE wants. She might want to look into this desire of hers to control other people, it almost certainly stems from some unhappiness in her life.
As Jim alludes to, it sounds like it has nothing, really, to do with your hair and that her "issue" with your hair is just reflective of some bigger issues going on. You might ask her, next time she makes some comment about your hair, what's really bugging her.
Well yes of course there's other things bothering her. She tends to complain the most to me when she comes home late at night after a stressful day at work. Also, she is still denying the fact that I'm gay, so that is a huge component as well. Just an update - I decided to take a small break and am currently back in Boston. I'm gonna be here through the weekend. I'm giving myself the chance to refresh my mind and be nag-free. While I'm here, I'm also looking for jobs and it seems like I have a few possibilities - all of which are reasonable enough to let me travel back and forth to New York on occasion. Yay for the Chinatown bus! Can't beat a 15 dollar getaway.
