Hi there I am 26 and I am still in the closet. I realised that I might be gay or bi when I was about 13 years old. But ever since I have tried to convince myself that I am completely straight and just tried my best to suppress it and not think about it. But as I am getting older I am finding it much harder to not think about. All my friends are in relationships, some are married, friends talk about adult stuff all the time. All my friends are straight and they don't know I am different to them. Maybe they know? My close friends rarely talk to me about women etc but some do and I just pretend and say yeah shes nice. I think in my life only one friend asked me if I was gay, I immediately said no and he was like "o right i thought you were" but I didn't dare as why and changed the subject straight away. I am quite confused because when I was young I fancied a few girls at school and one at university too. Who I would have happily dated if they asked me out at the time. But I have been too shy to persue them. I have also fancied some guys too but only when I was about 17. I don't know why I never fancied guys until I was 17. I have changed a lot these past couple of months, in the way that I think. I recently met someone at a work place who was openly gay and about the same as me. But he wasn't your stereotypical gay guy. I didn't think he was gay until I spoke to him (his voice) and then found out he was openly gay anyway. I now no longer feel as afraid as I was and just don't care about my sexuality as much anymore. If I am gay then I am gay who cares, this is how I feel. But I don't feel like coming out until I atleast have been in a relationship (otherwise I will be like "yeah I am gay but I have been single all my life"). I really admired him for being so open and I fancied him straight away. For months we just exchanged awkward stares at each other. He would smile/smirk/giggle at me then look away sometimes. I don't know why he did this. I think it happened sometimes when he must ahve caught me staring into his eyes. Maybe he knew I was in the closet? When I caught him staring at me he would just raise his eyebrows as to say hi. But I don't know why he stared at me sometimes... This was the first time in my life that I fancied a gay guy and I really wanted something to happen but I was too afraid and got really confused because I have never felt so strongly about anyone before in my life. Plus he is really handsome, even people at work say he is good looking. I am definitely not good looking, girls always say I am cute though. So I would be out of my own league if I attempted to ask him out. Anyway i ended up adding him as a friend on facebook since we had mutual friends. But he didn't respond and just left it pending. Even when I saw him at work after he just acted as if nothing happened and so did I. He still smiled and talked to me though so I dunno... I ended up cancelling the request after I saw his friend list go up and have never seen him since Maybe he knew I fancied him and he didn't feel the same way so he didn't want to lead me on? Or I noticed his friends are mostly gay guys and women. So maybe he thinks I am straight and doesn't want a straight guy as a friend on facebook? Anyway I feel lonely because I have no gay friends and have never been in any relationship before. I really envy people who are happy and in relationships and wish I could too. I dunno what to do with my life. I just go to work, live at home with my parents and don't have many friends to hang out with. Tbh I was contempt with that until recently when I fell for this guy. I came to some epithany and realised how boring my life was. So I have attempted going clubbing and hanging out with some friends. But they are all straight and when we go drinking, some of them look at girls and make comments. I feel left out. Its been a few weeks since I last saw this guy that I fancy because I work somewhere else now. I feel like sending him a message on facebook. I want to ask if we could be just friends because I have no gay friends. But that would be coming out to someone on facebook and also to someone i hardly know tbh. I dunno if I can trust him, especially when he didn't accept my initial friend request. He is a very quiet person and he doesn't really speak to anyone properlyl at work, he just talks to people briefly and thats it. Doesn't go to any work related gatherings etc. So maybe he wouldn't tell anyone about me anyway, if I did message him. I feel that he is my only connection to making gay friends. Also I am afraid to be friends with any stereotypical gay guy for some reason so this guy seems ideal for me to be friends with. But he has a lot of gay friends too i think and they could be stereotypical. Maybe because I am still afraid to come out and even when i do eventually come out I won't make myself look stereotypically gay on purpose. I will just continue to be who I am today. Also I don't think I can just make gay friends by walking into a gay bar alone. Plus I dunno if bars/clubs are the best places to meet people. sorry for this massive first post. I hope you guys/girls can give me some good advice.
A dating site maybe? 1 in 10 people are gay, if you do to something like a book club (just an example) chances are you may come across someone gay who shares an interest with you. Good luck
I can identify with a lot of your feelings there bud. One comment I'll make here - do you really need to have a relationship to prove your sexuality? The best evidence of how you feel innately comes from your own word. I don't believe it's worth holding yourself back over something like that.
I can definitely identify with what you've written on this post. I am a couple of years younger than you, all of my good friends are straight and most are now in relationships. When we go on nights out they tend to talk about girls and it makes me feel awkward. My close friends tend to not ask me about girls often so I also sometimes get suspicious that they know but just aren't saying anything. Like you, I go to work, live with my parents and don't have many close friends. Just letting you know that you're not alone, there are plenty of people in a similar situation. Feel free to write on my wall if you ever wanna chat .
Hey, I'm in exactly the same situation only 29. I feel completely lost and I work in a university which seems to be full of gay people but I've no idea how to approach them or if they'd be interested as I'm a bit older. What is interesting is that most gay people tend to hang around with women. Unfortunately I've worked in a male dominated profession my whole life so don't have many female friends either. I am working on makng a few more tho but I'm not even sure I want a relationship right now the idea of being gay is so new to me. There is gay guy whey I work and we give each other the 'eye' and I'm sure he thinks I'm gay but not too sure what to do about it. Maybe I'll add him on Facebook I think the key is to just go for it tell him you think you might be gay and find him attractive at least then you'll know.
Don't worry too much, 27 and gay is very common. There are far more guys in your position than you can possibly realize. A dating site would be an ideal way to go about bumping into them. None of them are convinced that the site will work but all you need to do is break the ice I wrote a whole blog on using a dating site, check it out on my page if you want some pointers!
Hey guys thank you all for the replies so far. Its been a really big insight and I feel a bit better about my situation now and even more determined to do something to change my life. I think I will try messaging this guy soon, i keep saying yes i will and then no i won't. Its been like a month since i saw him at my old work place and i'm afraid it might be strange if i messaged him all this time later. I wish I had thought of messaging him and talking to him upfront about it sooner. I might check out dating sights but tbh i don't feel comfortable about it, seems pretty out of my depth so far but I will do some research into them. thanks Again thanks for sharing your stories/situation with me and I hope you all the best too.
If you aren't concerned about actually being gay, then it seems like your best shot would be to act like you are gay without doing the label thing. Just approach one of the people you are attracted to and start a conversation. If you get the vibe that they are gay, then ask them if they would like to go out to dinner or to a movie. Don't call it a date, just ask them. If they say no, then back away and try someone else. Eventually someone will say yes and you can go on your non-date and see how it goes. You don't have to say "Hi; I'm gay and you look like you are too, so do you want to date?" or anything like that obvious. Straight guys do things together all the time without thinking about what label you have for yourself or for them. You can worry about how gay they and you are later, if you like them.
