This semester I've started going to my school's GSA meetings every week. I thought I was making great progress by going, but really I'm just even more frustrated with myself and my inability to come out. I'm going to the meetings, but I don't really participate for fear that they will find out I'm gay, which is stupid, because the majority of the people there are some part of the whole LGBTQIAetc thing. If I can't find the strength to admit to a bunch of my fellow gays that I am gay, how will I ever be able to tell everyone else in my life? It all feels rather hopeless, and I'm mad at myself. At our last meeting, we did this thing where the president read off certain things having to do with gender and sexuality and he told us to either take a step forward or back if what he said applied to you. The steps forward represented the privilege you experience, and the steps back represent the oppression you experience because of your identity. I didn't participate because I didn't want to give myself away, but it was just depressing. If I had participated, I would have ended up at the very back of the room. Honestly, I've just been feeling really down since that meeting, and the whole week being coming out week is just reminding me of my failure.
Just close your eyes and blurt out "Hey everybody...I'm gay." The group will admire you for doing it.
It takes some people longer to come out than others. Have you thought about just coming out to a few people in the group at a time instead of all of them at once? Sometimes taking smaller steps can help when you are stuck somewhere in the coming out process. Things might not be going how you would like, but you are making great progress by going to the meetings. There is no set time for coming out, so take your time.
Thanks. I guess I'm upset because when I think about it logically, I really don't have anything to worry about, but I still can't bring myself to do it. And I'm not really that close to anyone there, so it would be weird if I just came out to random people individually.
If you are talking in a small group you could probably easily bring it up too (since it is a LGBT meeting). It's one of those things where you have to find out what works best for you.
I know how you feel. Most of the people at my school's Pride Alliance are under the impression that I'm a "Straight Ally" because that's what I tell them if they ask. >><<
Hmm, you know that you DON'T HAVE to come out or attend the meetings, right? Honestly, if you feel bad about yourself there, what is the point of going there? No one would be able to drag me there and make me play those games. Make friends and when you are confident and when you really want to, tell them. There is no need to stand up and tell the bunch of people something so private. Don't feel bad about yourself. Even if you don't tell anyone, once you start to be comfortable in your own skin, it will start to show who you are attracted to, and the others will gradually notice. There is no need to be blunt and tell them all.
Geographical differences - what does GSA mean? You don't have to come out until you're ready and you feel there is a point to telling people who matter enough to know. As long as you're not homophobic in your behaviour, don't feel guilty if it's not the right time for you.
There's no requirement to come out, but being closeted makes things difficult when they actually ask us questions directly. Like at the first meeting, they had us go around and introduce ourselves and say our orientation. Of course, you didn't have to say your orientation, but it would be suspicious if you decided not to. It made me uncomfortable, but at the same time there are things I like about the meetings. Some good discussions happen there, so I don't want to stop going. I just wished I could feel more comfortable there. Thanks. ---------- Post added 10th Oct 2013 at 04:50 PM ---------- It stands for gay-straight alliance.
I see you've already come out to two people - that's great! You're not alone, a lot of people feel exactly the same way that you do. Every time I've come out to someone so far I've felt anxiety beforehand, my chest is tight, my heart's beating fast. I regularly see windows of opportunity to come out and don't say anything, even if I'm trying to. I don't know why it's so hard, but it is. One thing I tell myself is that it's going to feel hard no matter how long I wait, so I might as well just force it out. So far it's worked every time (three times) and it's been great. Like someone else suggested, maybe try one person on their own first. If you really want to come out at the GSA, maybe just pick one person there to start with.
