Hi ECer's, I'm a long time lurker but decided to make an account tonight to ask this. Basically I'm attracted to girls in all ways and to boys only physically, rarely emotionally. I'm not one to label myself but I'm out to three people as bi. Anyways, I want to start coming out at my school soon (which will require coming out to my sister as my school is itty bitty and word gets around fast) but I'm not sure whether to say I'm bi or gay. I know it's not important to label definitively, but I don't want to be just like "I love girls more than boys"'sorta thing, and I feel like the Kinsey scale will be too hard to explain. So my question is whether I should come out as bi or gay. I really hoped this all made sense as it's really late and I'm honestly nervous being a first time poster. All input is appreciated or just general words of encouragement
Have you thought about giving it a little bit more time to decide if you are gay or bi? People's reactions can be extraordinarily different depending on which you come out as and it might behoove you to be certain of which label fits best first. The biggest question to consider in regards to if you're bi or not is, "Can I see myself in a happy/healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone regardless of their gender?" For some this question can be hard to answer. I don't want to come off as sounding like you should stall your coming out. If you feel that it's right, safe and proper for you to do this, then you should and should do it with whatever label suits you best, but people will have questions and what they ask will vary depending on if you tell them you're gay or bi. Further, I am really impressed that you have the courage and self-awareness to come out while still a teenager!
I don't think that to be bi you have to be able to see yourself in a relationship with anyone regardless of gender. I think you're bi when you acknowledge that in some ways, not necessarily in the same ways and not necessarily to the same degree, that you like people of both gender. That doesn't matter if you prefer girls or can't see yourself in a relationship with a guy because its lacking in the romance department: you still like guys physically, so you're bi. Just come out as bi, but say you have a strong preference for girls. Explain that you're attracted to guys physically but not on a romantic level. I know you are not one for labels, but from what you describe you are a homoromantic bisexual. So, you are still bi, and not gay. x
I would personally label people 0-1 Straight, 2-4 bi and 5+ gay. I mean you're only 14 so odds are you don't know if you're a 4 or a 5 and feel like you're in between. I'd just stick to saying your bi because you do like both just you have a preference of females.
Some people say that anything other than totally gay or totally straight is bi in varying degrees. As you've said you are attracted to both genders, you may be bi. I don't think you have to like both genders in the same way or the same amount to be bi. For many years, I identified as straight because the way I liked girls didn't seem the same as the way I liked guys. Recently, I decided that as I'm attracted to guys and to girls it doesn't matter whether it's in the same way or not, I'm still bi. If you want to keep your options open to going out with guys or with girls, then I'd say 'bi' is the way forward. As you get older, you might stick with this or you might find that you're actually gay... just remember these are all just labels we are trying to fit to how we feel. And you have plenty of time to figure out which label you want to use, if any
