I Need Everyones Opinon

(Pease take the time to read this as it is very important to me, and I need advice.)

Every since I was younger I have always heard the stereotype that gay men are all whores. That they sleep around and that the gay community is full of people like that. Now I understand that it is not 100% true and that all gay men are not like that but since talking to older homosexuals or now that I’m starting to get involved in that world (meeting people, talking to them, dating and stuff) they all say that a large part of it is true. Now I know that it is no reason or evidence to support an argument but they have said that many clubs or gay bars they go to, a lot of gay people just meet to have sex, have a lot of one night stands, and they do act as whores. Many clubs do not care about what people do as long as they are making a profit. Here’s where my problem comes in and I'm not sure about something. You can leave a comment about what I said above and I'm not saying that its 100% true or that straight people don’t do it, but you know.

I am not like that at all. I am as people would say "a one of a kind" lol. I don’t really think so but people always say how different I am and how anyone, male or female would love to have me. Again, I don’t think I’m anything special but that’s not the point. I am the type of person who would buy a rose or roses on a first date; I am very respectful, kind, polite, well mannered, talkative funny etc. Here’s the key in what I'm trying to say and what I need advice on. I feel that I'm trying to prove myself as a different "type- of gay". Here’s what I mean. Even gay people or people in the community believe that most gay men are whores, they sleep around, one night stands, and they really don’t care about and stuff. Most gay men do not realize they want something real until they are in their late 20 early 30.

Now I find this frustrating as I'm trying to prove myself to other gay men and even the gay community that I'm not like that. Before it was my friends who would say I'm one of a kind, and all that and now people in the community are telling me that. They say that there are very few people out there who are like me, and very few who are at such a young age. I mean I'm 18 turning 19, and this is how I feel, and I have to prove that I’m a different type of gay. For example, in a heterosexual relationship, Bob has to prove his different then John, a different type of guy. I have to prove that I'm Isaac, and I'm different then Dan, and then prove that I'm a different "type of gay". I know I keep saying it because that’s how I feel.

I have to prove that I'm not going to cheat, I don’t do one night stands, if wont lie to my partner, I am just an honest, hardworking, caring, romantic guy! I don’t know. I have emotional problems or fears that I have trouble getting over and stuff. My last relationship (my first), was not the best experience so I'm a little vulnerable. So I will admit, I may need a little extra attention or re-assurance that I'm not going to be left or cheated on or something. How ever here’s another problem.

Most guys who meet me and stuff are interested in me because I am different. They see that I am one of those very few people out there and so they’re interested in me. My problem is, these (so to speak), type of gays or people who live that life style, expect me to come into their lives and change it. I have to go in and prove there are good gays out there; I have to work to show them I'm different, I have to work to show my love, and I have to work at changing their life. But I want someone to change my life! Maybe I can find someone who lead that life and will do that, I know, I'm just thinking hypothetically, and stuff.

The whole point of writing this is that people have always stereotyped gays as being whores, so I thought we have been fighting to change that. Then I kind of realized it’s real and sort of true and I feel that the gay community itself feels that way. So I have to prove that I'm different from John because of this, and then I have to prove I'm a different "type of gay" and it sucks! I love being different and who I am, but I hate having to work so hard, and having to prove myself all the time! I hate having to end a relationship and be asked if it’s because I’m seeing someone, I hate having to define "Yes, I'm a virgin,", and there response is "Well that’s doesn't mean anything. Gay people can fool around and still be virgins, gay people lie about it,", and I hate that. I have to defend that I'm a virgin!

The guy I was with was an asshole to me. He kept me out, would not let me, he joked about leaving me, cheating on me, he joked about giving me a two week notice, he rolled his eyes when I complemented him, and I just felt so unappreciated and uncared for. I know that I'm looking for someone who will do a bit more for me. Who will hold me in there arms, and someone who takes more of an initiative. I know it’s because I was hurt in the past emotional and because of this relationship even more, so I need a bit more I guess.

I'm 18 turning 19, and this may sound very rare or stupid, but I know that when I meet someone I would like to try for something serious. I’m not saying everyone I meet is Mr. Right, but I’m looking for a serious relationship. I thought, maybe I would date older guys. Someone who’s 22+ who realizes they don’t want to sleep or not sleep around any more, someone who is looking for something serious, someone who will be there for me emotionally and stuff. I don’t know if I can wait till I'm 22+ and date these guys now. I know I went off topic, but I'm just a little frustrated.

It's almost like the gay community or people in the gay community want me to sleep around, to be a whore, to do drugs, drink my brain out, and have one night stands and all this. Gay men expect me to be or have done those types of things and because I am sooooooo opposite of that, that puts even more pressure on me. I have to prove that I’m not, I have to work harder to be different and these types of people or people who lead these lives are waiting for me to screw up, they are waiting for me to be just like everyone else and that’s NOT fair to me, and that pisses me off even more!

Gay men who have or do lead these lives have been hurt so many times and by so many people (well obviously cause they do this), and they don’t trust me. They pass me off and say "We'll see", and because I am sooooooo different their afraid of that. Their not sure if it's an act, or their scared because they think I maybe (which I am) one of those very rare people so their scared to let me in. It just makes things so much more complicated and I’m getting sick of it! People who lead this life are waiting for me to hurt them, they are waiting for me to turn my back, to be like everyone and so they don’t let me in, they don’t talk to me, they keep me out and I hate it!!!

I love just talking with the person I'm seeing. Telling them every fear, every doubt, every happy time, and just being COMPLETELY open and talk about everything. It makes the relationship so much stronger but people who lead this life style will not let me in, they don’t feel the same until after a long time or something and I cant do that. I have to work soooooooo hard to break down their walls, I have to work for them, and prove myself to them, and I can’t do that all the time. I hope that people reading this understand how I feel and what I'm trying to say.

I’m not saying if I was with someone and they had walls up I wouldn’t help them, but people who lead this lifestyle all have the same walls. I’m talking about insecurities or feelings of doubt but people who lead this life look at me so differently because I am different. Its shocking for them to find someone who shares the views I do, thinks the way I do, and at such a young age. I know there are more people out there like me and stuff and its juts kind of frustrating and confusing right now I guess.

I'm not trying to start a crusade here to fix the gay community or to open people’s eyes up but please read this and pass it on. I need to know how people feel about what I'm saying and if they can relate to it. If they can relate to be that different "type of gay", if they are the person who sleeps around or something and is afraid to let people in, if you've met one of those "different" people like myself and stuff and just how people feel in general. I think this is important for people to read and pass on as yes it is about me but the community as well and how it views itself, its members, and how we act towards each other. I know it’s not all true and stuff but I'm realizing a large portion of it is true, and I really hope that A LOT of people read this and that we can all have an open and healthy descion about it. Again, thank you for reading this, and please leave comments about anything and pass it on to friends if you want. I think it’s important to talk about.


Thanks you

xox

Isaac

 

Well thanks for everyones responces so far. To clear a few things up, I dont go meeting people in the bars, and I barely drink at all. Also, I am not trying to be converted or taken in the by the church and that is why I feel this way. Simply so far (yes I know it has not been a lot) but from my experiences and even talking to people who are more experienced (and I know thats not good enough reason to believe it or form an argument), that is how they have described alot of people. I dont wanan fight with people, but I'm just sayng that I have talked to people who live in Toronto, and alot of the clubs or alot gays are like that. I'M NOT trying to steryotype the gay community or say this is how we all are. I attend the University of Waterloo, and am involved in their LGBT community events. I always thought as a child that it was a sterytype and that we have bene trying to prove it wrong. How ever it feels sometimes that a lot of people act in that manner. I'm not trying to sterytype people but differentiate between people who lead that lifestyle, and those who dont. Plus I said nothing about trying to conform. I may not think ighly of myself or stand tall and proud all the time, but I am proud of who I am, and would never dream of conforming to do those things. I love the way I am, the values and trauts I have. I was just simply wonder how maybe people who are older, if they experinced this or notices it when they were younger, and stuff like that. Thats al I meant, and yes I know people (gay, straight, bi), and all that do it as well. I know that, I'm not stupid and saying only gay people do it. I'm not trying to shame or talk badly about the gay community and I should and can not use a few experiences of my own, or that of people I have talked as reason to explian the whole gay community, and everyone in it. I hope maybe this helped clear a few things up about myelf and I just wanted to know peoples opinion I guess abou what I thought, and not mroe on myself. if they experienced the same feelings and emotions as I did when they were younger, do they think its true that alot of young or alot of people in the or their gay community sleep around and stuff. More of an opinion about that then about myself, and how I look at it, I guess thats what I was looking for but again, all comments are appreciated.

 

Well thanks for everyone’s responses so far. To clear a few things up, I don’t go meeting people in the bars, and I barely drink at all. Also, I am not trying to be converted or taken in the by the church and that is why I feel this way. Simply so far (yes I know it has not been a lot) but from my experiences and even talking to people who are more experienced (and I know that’s not good enough reason to believe it or form an argument), that is how they have described a lot of people. I don’t want TO fight with people, but I'm just saying that I have talked to people who live in Toronto and a lot of the clubs or a lot of gays are like that. I'M NOT trying to stereotype the gay community or say this is how we all are. I attend the University of Waterloo, and am involved in their LGBT community events.

I always thought as a child that it was a stereotype and that we have been trying to prove it wrong. How ever it feels sometimes that a lot of people act in that manner. I'm not trying to stereotype people but differentiate between people who lead that lifestyle, and those who don’t. Plus I said nothing about trying to conform. I may not think highly of myself or stand tall and proud all the time, but I am proud of who I am, and would never dream of conforming to do those things. I love the way I am, the values and traits I have. I was just simply wondered how maybe people who are older, if they experienced this or notices it when they were younger, and stuff like that.

That’s all I meant, and yes I know people (gay, straight, bi), and all that do it as well. I know that, I'm not stupid and saying only gay people do it. I realize I’m not experienced in any way and have not been out in the community a lot or experienced all the wonderful things that make our community so much more then what it is. I'm not trying to shame or talk badly about the gay community and I should and can not use a few experiences of my own, or that of people I have talked as reason to explain the whole gay community, and everyone in it. I hope maybe this helped clear a few things up about myself and I just wanted to know peoples opinion I guess about what I thought, and not more on myself. if they experienced the same feelings and emotions as I did when they were younger, do they think its true that a lot of young or a lot of people in the or their gay community sleep around and stuff. More of an opinion about that then about myself, and how I look at it, I guess that’s what I was looking for but again, all comments are appreciated.