Hey everyone, I'm feeling really bad at the moment... a massive cascade of events have happened in my life and are bringing me to my knees. 5 years ago at the age of 11(nearly 12) I decided to come out in school as being gay. The teachers questioned me on this and alarmingly called my parents into school to discuss the matter. After coming home that night, I received all sorts of verbal and mental abuse from my parents who denounced me being gay completely, told me that gays were paedophiles, promiscuous, aids-infested, effeminate, incontinent anal-sex lovers. They told me that I was far too young to be gay and that you can't be gay at 11 which is rubbish as I felt very strongly I was gay from the age of 8. After this mental beating by my parents, they decided to take my computer to the police because they thought a gay man was grooming me and 'brainwashing' me over the internet. I went back into the closet and thinks settled from then on apart from the occasional fight that erupted because of this thing I did at 11. Next, my mum found gay porn on her computer. I know that it was bad to do it on her computer but the mental spanking I received after would not have been the same had it been straight porn, at all. I think it would have been seen as a sign that I was straight and as a normal thing that teenagers do. I went back into the closet, denied I was gay and didn't bring it up with my parents until this year when a good handful of people came out as gay in my school. I felt so inspired by them that I told them I was gay, came out in school and now seen as a hero because I'm the only person who has come out to his parents. But, that was a big mistake. My mum who I think is unfortunately bipolar or depressive gets angry at me every other night, physically assaulted me once and told me that I would never receive her blessing, and that her inheritance is going to my sister and other brother(like I care). She told me not to brainwash my brother into being gay or my sister into being lesbian. It's seriously mad with her... As for my father, he accepts me and supports me but wants me to keep my mouth shut, act masculine, and not come out. Any aspect of femininity(I've never been a masculine guy but still aren't as feminine as my other gay friends) is now seen as an attempt to rub being gay in their faces. Lastly, and this is where I cracked. Deputy teacher called me in randomly into her office last week to discuss an incident that I had supposedly caused. Apparently I said to one of the teachers that I wished and was going to change my name to a female name. I was shocked and absolutely disgusted and broke out crying before telling her they were lies completely. I told her I was gay(which my parents exploded at) and that this has nothing to do with transgenderism. Unfortunately, this same teacher apparently told another teacher who's my dad's friend that I had told her I was gay many weeks before this incident, and that my father was a 'bully' which I never-ever said or even hinted. In counselling for anxiety for some time now, and told my counsellor who has been extremely supportive. She wants to talk to my parents to encourage them to accept me. Unfortunately, I think adopting the 'pink elephant in the room' attitude to this issue is best with my parents. I prefer to not talk about it-end of. I would love to have accepting parents, teachers, and a safe social and daily environment but this is hard to come by.... What do I do to deal with these issues? Any advice? Sorry for the long post...
You have been through a lot. I'm lucky to live in an accepting family and I know that when I come out, my parents will be fine with it. I find it incredible that you were able to come out at 11, an age when I was still in strong denial about my sexuality. I think it's disgusting that you have had to go through so much. Homophobia from teachers is not acceptable and the fact that a teacher has been making up stories about you is very serious. In many countries, a teacher can lose their job for doing this. Whereabouts do you live? As for your parents, you need to get them to speak to your counselor. They need to realize that being gay is not a choice, and they need to start supporting you. I know you think your dad is being supportive but he's not. Supportive fathers do not tell their sons to hide their sexuality and they don't accuse their sons of forcing their sexuality on their siblings. You need to speak to your dad about this. I find it concerning about your mum. If she has been abusing you, you should tell your counselor. They can take action to address this. Child abuse is not acceptable at all. I wish you good luck, and please do not be disheartened by these experiences. They will eventually make you stronger, and if you ever need some time out, try and find a friend who can put you up for a few nights. It is not ok for you to have to live in a house with parents who don't accept you. Just remember that when you're older, you can meet another man and live a happy life with him. It will get better.
I think that those experiences have all been very unfortunate and damaging. You, however, have done nothing wrong in just expressing yourself in a true way. So, full marks to you! Your parents are going to be hard work. They will probably not change overnight. What is important is you is the next 5 years that are going to bring big and positive changes if you are considering university or just deciding to leave home. Soon school will just be a memory. Focus on planning the next 5 years .. Your parents will ultimately come round when they see you happy and flourishing standing on your own feet and on your own terms.
Gayproud112 Sending you a big hug. Your an amazing awesome kid to know/accept yourself at such a young age. Did you tell your councellor your mother physically assaulted you? If not you need to. If it happens again you need to tell a grown up you trust immediately. As the child of a homophobic/mentally ill mother I can tell you it can get a lot worse. Please get help soon. It will be ok! More hugs! Rose
Hi there... Like others have said, talk to your counselor about the abuse. That's something that, in this day and age, should not be tolerated. On a lighter note, I'm sorry you have had to go though all of this. I can't believe you had the courage to come out at 11, only to be faced with such discrimination. It does take time for people to come to understand something like this, so be patient with your parents. I also think getting your parents to meet with your counselor would a good idea. Having others there for support really helps. Are there other people you can turn to? The whole incident with your teacher is disgusting. Has your school done anything in response? If not, I know you may not want to bring it up, but sometimes it has to be done. I know that my school wouldn't tolerate anything like that. Focusing on the future doesn't help if you're not happy in the present. Do what you can to keep your mind active. Do you have a hobby? (I don't have an hobbies or many friends, so I'm left with a lot of time to myself, which can sometimes be the opposite of what I need). Sorry for all the questions. I hope this helps, I'm not normally one for advice, but I had to say something. Good luck, and remember, (WARNING: Cliche) things will get better.
First off, you do realize that none of this is true? I never cease to be amazed by this because none of this would have come from a gay person. It only comes from people fabricating and distorting the truth in order to further some agenda. Anyway, the truth is this: Anyone who attempts to make you feel less than good about yourself does not have your best interests at heart.
I agree. It's teenagers like yourself who are inspiring me, a teacher, to come out at work, because I think if you can do it, I've got a responsibility to do it so that any LGBT teens who I teach feel that they can be open as well. So thank you As for what you can do, I say ask your counselor. Make sure you tell him/her about the assault from your mother and ask what you should do about it. You could even tell the police if need be. I kinda think you're right about the 'pink elephant in the room' as well. While you're dependent on your parents, safety comes first. At least you have some support from your peers at school and you can be yourself a bit more around them. Maybe later, when you are old enough to live apart from your parents, you can address this again with them. I second the suggestion to focus on things that make you feel good about yourself and happy. It's hard to shut out the negative opinions of others, especially when it's coming from your parents, but remind yourself that it's them who are wrong with their ignorance, and that you are inspiring people by being honest about who you are
