I am trying to come out to a friend that I have become closer to. She's funny, likes to make jokes, and sometimes offers me gifts and I've met her family before. What gives me setbacks into wanting to come out to her is the fact that her family is somewhat very religious and I'm afraid they possibly told her stuff about homosexuality and how it's "wrong." (but I really actually don't know her parents' views, I'm just assuming they might be the old testament believers especially since they're elders.) She also tends to talk about guys a lot and how they're attractive and all I can do it just nod my head. She knows I'm hiding something from her because I certainly have an attraction for a female right now but she believes it's a guy and she's desperately wanting to know what it is. I want to trust her but the fact that she's semi-infatuated with guys and her family makes me reconsider. Thanks in advance! :icon_bigg
You never really know about people's beliefs, and you sometimes have to take that shot in the dark. Maybe just bring up the topic of gay marriage and scope out her beliefs. When I was trying to tell people, I brought it up to people like: "OMG, I don't know how you feel about it, but I got so mad at _________ this morning because he was so against gay rights. UGH!" That way, you can give them your viewpoint, and they'll probably give you theirs. Good luck!
Thanks, for some reason even just bringing that up gives me chills down my spine probably because she'll witness that I'd be hinting at her, then again she seemed completely oblivious when she was trying to figure out what it is I'm hiding and continues to talk about men and how she'd only ever be mad at me if I went out with an ex-boyfriend of hers. (I think she'd be mad if she found out and I told her exactly that.) I just think that the worse possible outcome is that she'd criticize me for it and a negative criticism. Either that or she'll be totally disgusted and wonder why I "decided" to like girls and stop being my friend or distance herself from me probably because she'll think I'd hit on her which would really sting me...you could see I have so many thoughts going on. :/
Hi there! A couple of thoughts. If you trust her, and feel comfortable with the idea of her knowing about your sexual orientation, you needn't worry about whether her parents have said to her things about homosexuality. The worries should not be part of the equation. Given that you are having 'second' thoughts and fears, it seems that your are not ready to come out to her just yet, which is fine. Try to look inside of you and ask yourself: am I ready for her to know? When you ask yourself that question, from the feelings you'll experience your will know. I'd suggest to give it some more time, and use that time to gain a better understanding as to what her views on homosexuality are.
Now that I think about it, I'm definitely not ready but possibly almost there. She's been desperate to know and would ask me about it at least once in every conversation we have, and she would ask "What could honestly make it so bad that I would hate you?" and well..I just can never expect the reactions, even from the nicest people like her for example. I just don't want to feel guilty when she's not okay with it. (if she isn't) And then I tend to hate myself for it. I believe she has a gay friend but I'm not completely sure if he is because you can't make assumptions too quick, you know? I was also thinking maybe wait it out a bit but then how would I ever know whether she's okay with it if all she talks about is men and how she wants to introduce me to one she thinks is attractive? I remember one time she told me about a girl who wrote about another girl in a note, but she never said it was wrong or anything, she was just telling me. I didn't really say anything to it.
Hi there! I wouldn't worry too much about your friend constantly talking about men. I have the feeling you are over-thinking it a tad. Think about it this way: she is opening a door for you, when she starts talking about guys, or wants to introduce you to a guy. If you feel comfortable you could just say 'thanks for the thought, but I don't fancy guys.' I feel that if she hasn't said anything negative about the girl's note, while talking about it, that is a good indication that she might very well be accepting.
I know I'm over-thinking, but her least expectations is probably me not fancying guys and I don't want her to be shocked or anything but I know it's what I'm going to eventually go through if I do get the courage to tell her the truth. I mean we're best friends, whenever I talk about the girl I'm interested in I always say "he" and I guess that was a big mistake because it made her think that me liking girls might not be the case at all. I really don't understand some straight peoples' logic, but sometimes they prefer their close ones not to be homosexual but are still accepting of the ones they rarely know. Have you heard of something similar? I feel as if she's going to be that way. Like she might despise the fact that I like women because I'm close with her but doesn't mind if anyone else that's like an acquaintance to her, would turn out to be gay. That's what I basically mean... :icon_redf
I have just came out to my friend who is religious and he was fine with it. but then again everyones views are different
My best friend and I have only known each other since late this past spring, and I came out to her in August. She's religious, and so is her family, which made me really hesitant and afraid to tell her - just like how you're feeling! Your post is almost exactly like my situation - she's "totally straight" and gawks over her boyfriend and a certain British actor. It helped that I knew that her ex-step-sister is genderqueer, but that was very not-in-my-mind during the whole process. Anyway, she was completely okay with it and is my #1 ally by far. Try and casually mention something that's happened in LGBT news lately, or mention an LGBT friend, etc. See how she reacts!
