I am currently at a stage which I am confused with myself. at this point, nobody knows that I am actually attracted to men as I was a guy who kept everything look normal outside, but deep down in my heart, I think I have something different, and this case has triggered the burden feel in my heart. So, I met a guy that I met when I was looking for a roommate, we talked a bit as a normal person would do when they inspect house, and later, I decided not to take him as my roommate, however, I did text him if he still want to hang out, so one night we hang out and later that night he kissed me, and we hooked up a bit. It was my first experience with guy and I kinda feel like I have part of myself free. So in the short way, we hang quite often, until he started to piss me off, as he quite wild and quite violent, so I bailed on him on a party on the weekend, and we haven't spoken since, I sent an apology text the day after and I haven't heard any since (by now it's like been 2-3 days) At some point, I am quite relieve that perhaps it's a sign that I should not 'date' a guy, and date girls instead as the others do so I dont have to come out at any point, and I can avoid the violent he did to me, but at the other hand, I feel quite lost and kinda missing him. I know he must be still mad at me because I bailed on him, but yeah, I am really don't know what to do ps: I dont really have any gay friends, and most of my friends are both guys and girls, who I know some of them aren't really open with gay world.
You can't base your entire "gay" life on one bad experience. There are lots of good people out there who will accept you for who you are, and who aren't violent. You obviously liked the feeling of being with a man, so I wouldn't give up on finding someone. You're at a very strange and difficult time in your life, and it takes some time to adjust to everything. Once I let myself accept who I was, my life became so much better. It was difficult to find someone at first, but now that I have, I couldn't be happier. You'll find that too if you give yourself a chance.
He's a dick. You did the right thing getting him out of your life. You don't want anyone violent in you life. There all types out there. The guilt is understandable considering how you ditch him. Just grow from it, next time find a better way to break it off if you can but you can run anytime someone is being violent with you. Continue on with your journey, leave him behind and find some more gay friends.
thanks guys, I believe I am living in denial at the moment, by being a hypocrite like i talked about girls in front of my mates, but deep down inside, or let see when i watched porn, I was more turned into men, so meeting him as the first gay person in my life made me quite hard to let him go. And how do you find another one when you never actually look for it due to your social status? Like we hang with our mates, our buddies that 100% straight, so I saw like there's no chance of finding another guy without them knowing about. and If I decided to go by myself, I am totally lost and don't know what to do. I do deep down would love to have some more gay friends, just to share with.... This guy I met was the 1st guy and it was totally random by roomate hunting as I said before, but, things like that won't happen often I am sure
The way it works, having one abbreviated affair is not necessarily a determiner of what your sexuality is. It is a piece to the puzzle, but be careful about making significant decisions based on this. I think a lot of things need to play out before stuff gets sorted. But, don't rush. It will happen...
