1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Yay I fell like I'm cheating on my Boyfriend! (-_-)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by The Enigmatic, Jun 3, 2008.

  1. First of all I'd just like to say that I never even thought I'd be dating let alone in this situation.....
    So as of a around 12 hours ago I've been dating my boyfriend, he's my first :icon_bigg, for exactly 1 month. We haven't know each other for much longer than we've been dating but I've come to like him a lot.
    Actually I like him more than a lot, I feel so happy just thinking about him. I don't know how to explain it but I'm pretty sure you get the picture.
    So yeah I'm extremely happy right now, especially considering I was depressed for four years prior to now.
    BUT........................
    One of my goooood friends who I've always like as more than a friend has came into the picture.
    My friend is someone who I confided about everything with as he did with me. We stay up and talk until all hours of the morning, and that's weird because I'm seriously socially retarded and making conversation is no my thing.
    He was the third person I told I was gay to but knows every other little aspect of my life that only I know. I tell him how I feel and I'm always honest as he is with me.
    Sorry rambling hahaha.
    So as time went on he became comfortable enough to tell me that he was Bisexual, it was a total surprise. :eek:
    Even though he told me he was Bi I never even considered trying to date him despite my feelings, mostly because I knew he wouldn't be interested in me that way.
    Until recently......Like right now recently.
    Even though he commented me all the time I just thought he was being nice and replying to the comments I give him.
    But apparently it was more than that.
    In the last few days we've been talking all night again and the conversation somehow ended up revealing that he "may have" feelings for me.
    He told me he was Bi but liked girls more than guys, and I'm not even good looking! SO why on Earth would he tell me that now?
    He has copious amounts of girls going after him and just the other night he was offered sex from one of his neighbours.
    He's turned them all down to date and told me that he still wants to loose his virginity but with someone he likes............which is apparently me, confusing considering he likes girls more.
    SO now we both know how we feel about each other but obviously the timing is bad because I have a boyfriend! And I've also noticed that I get the same "feeling" when I think about either my boyfriend or my friend..........conundrum much?
    There was a webcam incident the other day as well where my friend "put on a show" for me and despite being in a relationship I didn't tell him to stop or not to do it.
    He also sent me a picture of himself, oddly enough it was of his face, last night......which I saved on my phone.
    I text them both throughly throughout the day and I'm finding myself to change what I'm saying to them because what I'm saying is similar to what I've previously said to the other one............I know that makes little to no sense.
    I have no idea what to do but I feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend.
    I'm with my boyfriend mentally and sexually but I'm also with my friend mentally.....and that makes just as little sense.
    All in all I'm confused, if this sparks an interest with anyone I'll try and elaborate by answering their questions or whatnot.
    Sorry for the rambling and the fact that this post is scattered all over the place. I just want people's opinions, maybe a little guidance will help clear things up a tad.
    Thanks again and sorry if you actually read it all. oxox
     
  2. Helen

    Helen Guest

    This isn't going to be what you want to hear, but I think you're just going to have to choose between them. It really depends which one of them truly means more to you, which is something only you can decide.

    However, this guy is your friend, and you must have trusted him a lot for him to be the third person you told about your sexuality. I think you should tell him that this is troubling you, and that you are in a relationship, and are happy about it. Personally, I don't think that what you've described can *really* be classed as 'cheating on him', you haven't done anything directly, you've just...not complained about it =/

    I hope things get sorted out!(*hug*)
     
  3. Trumpetplyer23

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
    Messages:
    533
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    O-H-I-O!
    You will have to make a choice, Helen is right about that. Because if you don't, you'll end up in an awkward postion in which you actually will cheat on your boyfriend.

    The things you've described don't exactly fall into the definition of cheating. You haven't done anything sexual with him, or had any physical encounters, so...yeah, not cheating.
     
  4. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My thoughts, and my thoughts alone. It sounds like your friend is hinting - VERY strongly - that he wants you physically. Which, given that you have a boyfriend and things are going well with him, is dirty pool. No matter how he's phrasing these things, he's in essence asking you to either cheat on your boyfriend, or break up with him so you two can hook up. I know lots of people do this, some say "all's fair in love and war", whatever. But in my book, you don't do that. For one thing, it doesn't respect where the other people are - he's putting his own personal wants and needs over yours and your boyfriends. Secondly, it shows he doesn't respect the boundaries of relationships. Say you DO drop your boyfriend and hook up with your friend. Then a hotter guy comes along, and starts dropping hints at your friend-turned-boyfriend. Will he say no?

    If this were happening to me - and I'm happy it isn't - I'd tell my friend that I'm flattered by what he's saying. But I have a boyfriend, I'm quite happy with him, and I'm not going to jeopardize that.

    Lex
     
  5. Psychedelic Bookmarks

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,481
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
  6. Malchik89

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2008
    Messages:
    216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    Yeah sadly im gonna have to go with what they say, you really do have a choice to make. One of my best friends who is bi had a boyfriend, but also a girl she had feelings for and who had feelings for her. Told her the exact same thing and she made her choice. Now be it that everyones different, which im assuming you are. If it were me, id just try to think which one would have the happier ending. And you havent cheated, no inter or outercourse of any kinds, he showed you stuff and you didnt turn him down GOODNESS YOU'RE HUMAN :slight_smile: So yeah you just have a choice to make, thank you for sharing xD
     
  7. Psychedelic Bookmarks

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,481
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    I would say that unless you don't mind cheating on your boyfriend, or you are remarkably strongwilled, you should tell your friend to cool his guns, or even tell him that you can't be around him for a while because of the conundrum it's put you in. Otherwise, you're going to end up cheating on your boyfriend. As much as you may like your friend, a relationship started under those circumstances is going to have problems.

    Good luck!
     
  8. Thanks for the replies everyone, I pretty much knew myself that I'd have to decide but I just needed to put it all out there because I haven't spoken to anyone about thiss, except for my friend.
    By the looks of it I made my friend look bad hahahaha, he's exactly the opposite. He knows I'm happy with my relationship and told me that he is confused himself and doesn't want to ruin it for me. I'm just wondering if he means that because he did decide to tell me everything once I started dating lol.

    Lex - My friend is really cute and he already has his pick of both girls and boys but he's chosen me for some reason. I on the other hand am nothing special, at all, to look at. Which is another reason I'm confused. And like I said he gets plenty of offers but has turned everyone down to date.

    Bleh I'm confused, I'll give myself time to work it all out. Thanks again everyone, I'll try and keep y'all posted.

    Oh and I forgot to mention that my friend isn't out yet and he said he'd come out to date me. :icon_conf
     
  9. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    >>>My friend is really cute and he already has his pick of both girls and boys but he's chosen me for some reason.

    To me, that's even worse. He can have anything on the menu but the chocolate cake, and he's decided he's going for the chocolate cake. And "he'll come out to date you" - well, that's nice. Then breaking up with your boyfriend for him isn't so bad, right? Since it'll help him come out? It's a good deed now, right?

    Sorry - I don't like this. At all.

    Lex
     
  10. HAhahaha this thread is supposed to be about me not my friend. :lol:
    I already assumed something was iffy when my friend decided to tell me he liked me once I started dating. I have no way of knowing if he's telling the truth except for taking his word.
    I'm not going to leave my boyfriend, my friend had his chance. I added in the the part about my friend saying he'd come out only because it interesting. I've actually misquoted him his said something more like "I'd have to come out" so he only suggested that he'd come out if we were to start dating.
    I wrote is thread without giving it much thought, I just wrote what was on my mind and didn't reread or edit it.
    My main concerns are that I have feelings for them both and that I've liked my friend for as long as I can remember, those feelings never went away and have been dragged back to the surface now.
    I know my friend, he's a really good guy. Better than most everyone else on this planet and it hasn't helped him that I've still showing interest in him lately.
    I've told him nothing will happen between us any time soon. This is going to sound really bad but I more or less said that maybe someday we'd hook up.
    I'm not trying to lead him on and he's not trying to break my boyfriend and I up, I just still have feelings for him and they're not going away any time soon apparently.
    That's all I think think of right now, I'm still not thinking 100% right atm.
    I just felt like it was wrong to have feelings for two people when you're dating was all.
     
  11. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds like you more or less did the right moves. But saying "maybe someday we'll hook up" may have negated that. You may have noted from other posts here that people can attach a LOT of importance to casually tossed-off comments. Chances are he'll be holding onto that one like a gem.

    Lex
     
  12. Yeah that part was sort of an accident. I don't like hurting people in any was at all and I think ti was just a natural response for me to say that. I go out of my way to help others and to make them feel better. >< Which is extremely weird considering the family I grew up in hahahaha, it's probably because I was hurt so much I don't want anyone else to go through it.
    I plan on talking to my friend again and sort everything out and make sure he's ok, all this is happening during and today starts his exam weeks so that's not good.