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Should I come out to my 14 year old sister?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by OneChance, Oct 13, 2013.

  1. OneChance

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    Before I start, I just want to say thank you the the EC community. Although I have not posted in this forum before, I have spent alot of time reading through many posts here that have helped me through many rough times and confusion. (*hug*)

    A little bit about myself - I come from a tight-nit family of 6, my parents and 4 children. I am the eldest child and only boy. I recently came out (about 2 months ago) to both my parents and the eldest of my 3 sisters. All my life I did not project any stereotypical signs of being gay, so the news came as a great shock to them. However over the last two months, I have tried to ease into explaining my situation to them, and if anything, I think my process of coming out has been fairly positive so far.

    With that said, I have not come out to any other friends or family. These 3 people are the only people in my "reality" that know about me (I say "reality" to mean the network of people that I have in my everyday life, however I have met other people during my travels that are unconnected to my "reality" networks that I keep in touch with and do know about me).

    Now a little bit about my 14 year old sister -
    Ever since I could remember, she has always showed signs of being confused by her sexual identity. From the age of 8-11, she would dress as a boy and tell her friends to call her by a boyish nickname. When she turned 12, she had a change of heart and figured life would probably be easier if she accepted that she was a girl. However, her sexual orientation was still apparent. Most of my family know this, however my parents choose to ignore it and pretend like it never happened. Me and my other sisters accept her for who she is and have no qualms about it. We now even joke about it between ourselves :slight_smile: But with that being said, she still needed to go through the process of coming out...

    In the last few years, she has come out to some of her friends and my two sisters. Now here's a kicker... By pure coincidence, two weeks after I came out to my parents, my youngest sister (14 y/o) came out to me. As I explained in the previous paragraph, it did not come as a shock. I was thrilled, yet I also envied that she had the courage to say it at such a tender age. Well I'm sure it was hard for her to actually say it, but I believe I tried to handle it in a way that showed her that it really didn't bother me and that she's still the same person I've always known and still want to get to know. This has taken our relationship to a new level and its been great.

    However, I am still working on my process of coming out. I have made it a point to start with my family before I move on to the other closer relationships that surround me.

    I have not told my youngest sister about me yet. I feel like if I do, I will get the chance to connect with her even more and bring our relationship to a new level. But I also feel that she being only 14, she's still going through the process of finding an identity for herself and I don't want to begin confusing her with some of my problems! She's a young teenager going through so many hormonal changes, and social pressures, that I feel like I'd be burdening her more than actually building a positive experience out of it.

    What do you think? Does my youngest sister deserve to know now, or should I wait for her to mature a little bit more and maybe concentrate on my other relationships first?

    Mind you, since I came out to my parents, they have expressed that they would be more comfortable if I did not share the news with anyone else just yet (and keep it within the 3 people that currently know). I don't know how long it'll take for them to accept me for what it is and if they are merely saying this so they don't have to accept the reality, however I feel that by them saying this I'm once again bound by a wall that prevents me from taking the next step in my coming out process.
     
  2. yep

    yep
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    In a word, yes. I do think you should tell your sister. If she came out to you, she really trusts you, and it's good to have that trust between siblings, so why not show that trust back? Besides, you're 24, so you shouldn't feel obligated to tell your parents that you told your sister.

    I think you've got the perfect chance here to come out to another person who you KNOW will be supportive, so why not take it?

    Best of luck! :slight_smile:
     
  3. bscott92

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    I have to agree with Yep. You should definitely tell her. You know how difficult it was for her to come out to you, so you should let her know that she has an ally.
     
  4. UG Scorpio

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    I agree with the two above me come out to her
     
  5. p0cketchange

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    I have to say that you should tell her, if she's going through anything right now then maybe it would be easier to have someone to talk to who understands!
     
  6. hitgirl

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    I think you owe it to your sister to come out so that you can support each other through this experience. Definitely, 100%.

    Also, I don't think you have to be that accommodating to your parents' wishes. This is about you and your sister, not them.