Should I tell my friend that I'm gay?

If he's more open-minded than the others then why not tell him? I get the thing of costing of friendship, I really do...I'm struggling with that right now. But you can't think of what might happen. You just have to stay positive!!

EDIT: If it makes a difference, I told my college roommate (who is also from the area you are) that my friend is gay and he treats him the same.

 

Maybe try asking him what he thinks about people being gay so you know what his views are. If he's nice and open minded and is accepting, then he should be fine with it. <3

 

If you trust that he's a good person, then you should tell him.

Coming out to the first person is always the most frightening. When I came out to my first person, I totally wasn't ready. I didn't know what it meant for myself, and I was still coming to grips with everything. She kind of pulled it out of me at the last second, and it ended up causing a lot of set backs in my life. However, it sounds to me like you're having the opposite problem. It sounds like if you don't come out, it is going to be very detrimental to your psyche.

The thing about "the closet" is that it's a mixture of being the safest and most dangerous place you can be. It's safe because you can't get hurt while in the closet. You don't have to deal with all the negativity and fear that could very well happen. Nothing changes in the closet, so in the moment, it feels better.

But it becomes dangerous the moment when you realize that there's light outside. When the sun begins to flood into your eyes through the crack under the door, it's scary. In fact, it kind of hurts. However, once you see the light it becomes harder to be stuck in there. Soon, you begin to hear the music on the other side of the door. You can smell the scents, both good and bad wafting from underneath.

The worst part though is when you begin to hear the people. It's the moment when you hear the people you love's voices from the other side when it becomes truly painful. On one hand, you have been in the dark for so long that you wonder if you can even speak. On the other hand, you want to talk to them. You want them to know that you are still there and still their friend. It's hard to see through the door who is or isn't your friend, because the darkness and the possibility of evil blocks out true intentions.

However, you have been listening through the door your whole life. You know their life, their laughter, and what kind of people they are. Without knowing, you have been observing them and judging their character. More importantly, you know that they are out there among the light.

Telling the first person isn't really coming out. It's more like just telling someone that you are there, and that you want to come out real soon. A good person is neither going to open the door, nor force you to speak. It may change how he acts around the closet, I'm not going to deny that. But just because he changes, it doesn't mean he's going to leave. He very well may stay on the other side of the door, even if he doesn't speak. You can't worry about things changing, because if you've gathered that he is a good person, he will stay with you, even if he acts awkward.

And you aren't betraying anyone by being in the closet. You are in the transitional period, and it's something that takes a lot of time. But if you think that you have a person who you think will crack the door and let the light in, why not take the first step? If you want things to change, the first step needs to happen.

 

I would personally keep it to myself. I see the issue of sexuality very personal. Therefore, I keep it to myself, unless if I ever got involved in a relationship which I am not interested in.

If you feel you need to tell someone then go ahead. Though be prepared for any setbacks.

 

Wow, Abra, that was beautifully put!

 

First of all, you can be totally blue-flame gay and still tell the "hot" girls from the homely ones, so there is no harm or deception in agreeing with him on that issue. One way to break the ice might be to show him a picture of a hot guy and tell him "Look at this dude, he is totally hot too; I would hit the gym every day if I thought I would end up looking like that." and see what he says. He may get the message and say nothing, or he may ask you if you are gay, which gives you the option to say those 3 little words if it feels right. Or you can say something like "I don't label myself, but I can tell that guy looks hot; does that mean I may be gay? You are my best friend; what do you think? Would you hate me if you thought I were gay? Would you tell other people?". In other words, get him into a dialog and share your feelings with him, and let him tell you what he is thinking. You don't have to "drop the gay bomb" on him cold turkey; let him come to that conclusion himself, and if he freaks, you never have actually said that you were GAY! so you can back away from the topic. You have already "come out" to the most important person: yourself.