So, I'm lesbian, and for months, I've been trying to rake up the courage to come out to my parents (or at least my mom). I was going to tell them on National Coming Out Day, which was a few days ago, but it fell through. I've been really depressed lately because I feel like the pressure to come out and the weight of not doing it keeps getting worse and worse. I'll start my story with the other day: I've just realized that I'd much rather sport a somewhat emo/punk rocker look and I was out shopping with my parents, and I'd been hinting at this new style for months, but they never picked up on it. So, when my mom suggested like a green top with hearts on it, or some shit, I told her I didn't really like it. She shrugged and put it away, but she kept suggesting colorful things that "normally" i would wear, and I kept telling her no, but grabbing a lot of stuff with skulls, and a lot of gray, white, and black. When we were looking at shoes later on, I said I only liked a pair of Doc Marten-like boots, and she asked me why I only liked black now. I told her that it made me feel more comfortable, and happier (which it does). She then proceeded to tell me that she didn't care what I wanted to wear, she wasn't going to buy me all black and I had to wear some color. I was really hurt by this, as she's never said anything like that to me before, and she has let me be who I want to be my entire life. A few hours passed, and I guess she had thought it over some, because she said that she wasn't going to keep me from doing what I wanted, just that she didn't like the style or the mindset. That made me a bit happier. But it got worse from there. As we were walking to the train to take it home, she started telling me that she didn't like the style because she didn't like the colorless clothing and she didn't like the fact that the style entails self-harm and tattooing and piercings. I told her that I didn't want any tattoos or piercings (which is currently true), but she told me that this whole "emo" thing was trendy and that's what self-harm was too. And I'm sorry, but 1. Just because you dress in black (or colors like it) and other stuff doesn't mean you're emo 2. I'm not emo 3. Not all emos are into tattoos, or piercings, or cutting or anything really 4. You call that trendy? And then the proceeded to tell me that it's like how being bisexual is trendy. At this point I almost punched her in the face and ran off. Yes, there are a lot of people who think that they're bi just based on one experience or no experience, and then they realize that they're really just straight. But, as a young, closeted lesbian girl who has doubted herself for almost two years now and just came to terms with everything and was about to come out to her parents the day before this, I was shocked, and more hurt than I've ever been. I mean, my mom, who I've never, ever heard say stuff like this, was making a generalization that was only partially true. And all I could do was stand there and nod. She then told me that she thought she was bi when she was younger, but it was just a phase, and now she knows that she's straight. There are lots of people who go through this phase, but I can't even begin to tell you how discouraged and alone I felt. i don't think I've ever felt more alone and suppressed. It's terrible. So, I'd just like to say, to all of you who experience homophobia from other people in your everyday lives, I'm so sorry if anyone's ever told you to quit complaining, because I finally got a taste of your hardships. Also, what should I do? I'm so lost right now. I just need some advice. Thanks if you read through this whole thing. I really appreciate it. :icon_bigg
Well, to be honest, I went through the same thing. I used to wear a lot of black, probably when I was about 13-14, and it was hard to get it past my parents, because, unfortunately, self-harm is glamorized a lot in culture. I would say, get black and clothes that make you happy, but buy a few colorful thing, if only to keep your mom happy. But you should dress however makes you feel beautiful. As for the bisexual thing, I wish I could say I was shocked, but I experience the same thing every day. I had a sociology professor tell me that any love felt between two people of the same sex was evil and not real. I didn't punch him in the face though(I did want to)--and I can promise you, that's not a good way to react. If you want to fight hate, the first thing you do is prove that they're not right. Break stereotypes, show the love between you and your girlfriend, prove to people that you are just as human as they are, and they will have nothing left to fight you with. If you still want to come out to your mom, do so. Tell her that this is really how you feel. Maybe get some people to back you up. But this is your life, this is about finding the person you love, and it's important to you. Be honest and try to explain to her that this is NOT a phase. Hell, I'm putting together a Powerpoint for when I come out as genderfluid. She may still doubt you, but like I said, you've just got to prove her wrong. Until then, stay strong and keep fighting. You're awesome. Good luck, friend
I was just going to say straight (And non involving) privilege. If your not actively involved or connected with something it's easier to forgo it and not give appropriate thought to your comments. This is just one (Of many) comments made like this. Don't take it personally, straight (And non involved) people say this kind of stuff all the time.
Yeah; I really hate privilege. Sure it feels good when your on top but think of how ****y you make others under you when they are just put down for no reason. If you live a diverse and widespread enough life you'll feel it at some point however most people just don't want to give it up and live where they are the most privileged without understanding. It's a shame really. Something you don't really understand until you are effected ('put under') by it.
I'm just so fed up with prejudice and shit like it. people really need to start thinking and taking other people's feelings into consideration
