I'm thinking of coming out pretty soon, but I'm not sure how/when, and I could really do with some help/reassurance. I worked out that I'm gay a couple of months ago (after about three years of being like 'straight doesn't feel quite right...' and a month of 'oh god what am i am i bi am i gay am i pan am i straight oh god what ahhh asdfghj'), and over the last two months I have been coming to terms with that and excepting it, and I feel like right now, I am completely okay with being gay, and I want to start coming out to people. I've been so alone through this whole realising/excepting thing (I wish I'd found this forum sooner), and I've had no one in real life to talk to about it, and I feel like I really need people in my life who I can finally talk to about this (even if it's just being able to gush about a female celebrity crush I have to someone), and I just need to open about it, because this secret I'm carrying is getting kind of heavy and I'm sick of my closet. But at the same time, I'm still kind of terrified to come out. Not because I'm worried that my family and friends will be homophobic about it or anything; I know they won't (or at least my mum, my sister, and my closest friends won't be. I'm not so sure about my dad, or some of my less close friends, but I'm not even thinking about coming out to them yet, I want to wait until I have more support before I come out to them). I'm scared because telling other people is going to make it... real. I don't really know how to explain this... I have excepted that I'm gay, and I know that I'm personally okay with it, but telling people that I'm gay makes it... more than just a thing in my head. I guess it's because I've gone through the whole 'coming out to myself' alone, so it just kind of freaks me out to think of anyone but myself knowing. I'm also scared that it's going to change people's view of me. I was watching a coming out video of some girl a while back, and she said that after she came out her mother said to her 'When I am going to look at you and stop thinking 'gay'?', and I'm just really scared of that. That I'm going to become 'that gay girl' or something. I don't think it's a bad thing really, but I just don't want people's opinion of me to change... I dunno, maybe I'm just making too big a deal out of it. Maybe I'm going to come out and everyone's going to be like 'Okay, cool, you like girls. You're still my daughter/friend, I don't think any differently about you.', and it's all going to be fine. But I can't help imagining the 'what if...'s. I also just really don't know how to come out. I don't want it to be a big deal, so I don't want to have a massive thing of it and come out with rainbows and glitter and show tunes (though this tiny part of me... kinda does ), but just slipping 'Btw, I'm gay, okay cool' into conversation is pretty hard too. Maybe I should write everyone a letter? I dunno... I guess I'm suck in a bit of a vicious circle, of not wanting it to be about me/to be the centre of attention, but needing to tell people something that's really only about me, and telling people probably being a situation where, even if it's just for a few minutes, the attention is on me. And I don't know what to doooooo. I'm really sorry this so long, I'm pretty good at rambling, it seems... But, yeah, if you have any advice or anything, it would be a massive help <3 Thank you
Hi. I am no expert or anything but this is how I came out: I waited for a time when my mum and I were alone and I said 'Mum, can I talk to you about something?'. I then sat her down and just told her. I was scared so I only managed about 1 or 2 sentences but I just told her quite bluntly that I'm bi. Then, I spent the rest of the day talking to her about how she felt about it and answering her questions (being extremely patient with her). Then, she told my dad and I haven't come out to my friends yet. Sorry for the block of text. That was what I did to come out. I don't know if that's helpful or not. It's totally natural to be thinking 'what if' and to be scared. But good luck with whatever happens
Which seems more difficult, telling your parents or telling your friends? I personally told my friends first. I let it build up and up and up in my head until I couldn't take it any more and instead of saying something simple like 'so I'm bi' or whatever, I ended up rambling about sex toys, much to the horror of my best friend! I don't recommend that xD Your 'what ifs' are perfectly natural and expected. If your friends suddenly change how they see you, and act different, ask them why. You're the same person you always were. It could be that they are worried you might fall for them, which is apparently a fairly common concern. If that's the case, you can assure them that you didn't fall for them BEFORE you told them, why would you do it now?
I came out recently to my parents (not out to friends). I did this is the worst way possible: 1. I set a deadline for myself - DONT do this - it puts pressure on you to come out and really stresses you 2. I came out in the most dramatic way possible and burst into tears (as a result of stressing over deadline), even though I wanted to slip it into conversation casually. 3. When I came out, I went into too much depth about my sexual orientation and confused both myself and my mum - just tell them the necessary stuff, not the details. I don't really have much advice... but don't do what I did!
The way you feel is totally normal... well, I hope so, because that's exactly how I feel as well! The first time will be hard - accept this. When/if you're ready, pick a method, pick a supportive person and go for it - push pass the mental barrier. I came out by text to a gay friend to make it as easy as possible my first time. Then I built up to telling people in person. Now I do feel a bit scared that I'm half-out and I can't take it back, but I know it's for the best, I'll feel good again when it's sunk in and I definitely wouldn't want to go back into the closet. Good luck
