I come from an EXTREMELY homophobic environment. I have friends who hate gays. I am tired of being in the closet. But I don't exactly if it would be wise to some out. But I see guys I want to get to know so I can get to know the LGTB community locally. So how can I act/dress to show that I'm gay discretely so that gays might pick up on it and stop acting so weirded out by me while not tipping my cards to my homophobic friends? Something to where if I smile at a guy, he will catch on rather than being confused.
Allow me to speak as someone in a similar situation. I currently can't come out because I would be denied my diploma--something I DEFINITELY don't want. I've come out to several of my friends, who have all been accepting. However, in your case, I'd say you need to rank your priorities. Dressing "Gay" isn't going to do anything to sway them, they'll just think you went on some weird shopping spree. The only way to act "Gay" to hint at them is by dating another guy. If your friends are as homophobic as you say, they might leave you when you come out. This is where is gets hard. What's more important to you? Your friend or your orientation? To me, it sounds like if these guy don't stick around you because you're gay, they're not your friends to begin with. If they loved you before you were gay, there should be no change. So, in conclusion, I encourage you to look at what means most to you, and try and figure out how important these people are to you, because, to me, they sound pretty toxic. Good luck, friend
Hi there! I think it would be easier if you dress and act as you would usually, and join a social and/or a support LGBT group, which would allow you to get to know others in a safe setting, and give you a chance to start coming out of the closet. How do you feel about joining a local LGBT social/support group?
Instead of just coming out first, come out as an ally. Small things like getting one of the HRC equality stickers, just showing your support in general for the LGBT community. I agree with what Mirko was saying about joining an LGBT social/support group (such as a GSA at your local school, if you have one). That way, you can almost ease your way into it and it might not be as big of a deal and you'll already have a support system when you finally decide to come out. Best of luck! Let us know how it all works out!
I don't believe there are any support groups in my area. I like in the Flatead Valley in MT. I have looked into those, but can't find any. I know there are quite a few gays in the area. But, like I said, I can't seem to make an in into the community.
John, you need to start looking at out-of-state college web sites to see what kind of financial aid you can get, so you can move to a gay-friendlier environment than MT. You are probably going to find Slim Pickens where you live now, and have great difficulty sleuthing them out of hiding from the same homophobic people you are concerned about. Maybe you could make some early contacts at forums for gay students at those universities, so you could hit the ground running and make up for lost time when you get there. You can let your gay personna come out in the sunshine when you get where it is safe to be you.
