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Telling my Dad and I'm terrified!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by DSheen, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. DSheen

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    Hey everyone,

    I am glad I found these forums, however need a little bit of advice. I am out to pretty much everyone in my family, just not my Dad. I have made arrangements with my mum and my best friend to come round mine on Saturday for a bit of support to come out to my Dad.

    Last year I told my Mum, and a family member found out and then told everyone else, and my Dad is now the last one to tell. The reason I am terrified is because my brother is gay too and he beat me to telling my Dad, and for me it makes it much harder to say that his only other son is gay too.

    I am now starting a relationship, which has made me want to make sure everyone I care about knows, my Mum even offered to do it for me, but thats the cowards way out. Although I am really scared and terrified I know I need to do this. But I just don't know how.. like how would I word it. My mind is pretty much on overdrive right now and I cannot seem to concentrate on anything else.

    Sorry for the long post, hopefully can get some advice.
     
  2. Ruthven

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    Do you know how your brother told your dad?
     
  3. BookDragon

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    Just so we are all on the same page here, did your dad take the news that your brother is gay well?

    Because having two gay sons should only really going to hit him badly if he thinks that being gay is a bad thing anyway or he DESPERATELY wants an heir to the family name!
     
  4. Yossarian

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    It doesn't sound to me like you are a coward, because you know you need to and are going to tell him; he likely already knows anyway if the rest of your family does and your brother is also gay. Just tell him that you have something you need to tell him, but you have been putting it off because you think it will upset him, but now you need to get it off your chest, "like _(your brother's name)_ did". Then just wing it based on what he says. You have seen how he treats your brother; he will probably treat you the exact same way. Remember, courage is acting in the face of fear, not never having fear. You can do it.
     
  5. DSheen

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    He got it easy, and my Mum told my Dad about him.

    He isn't homophobic or anything, but I am seen as like the "favourite child" in his eyes, and although I dislike the fact I get special treatment unlike my siblings I am worried things will change between us, and that is what I most terrified about, I don't want him changing what he thinks of me just because I like guys.

    Thank you, I was just thinking of blurting it out and see where it goes from there.
     
  6. bscott92

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    It sounds like you're in a pretty good situation. You may find that your relationship with your dad actually changes for the better.
     
  7. DSheen

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    Told my dad today, and just thought i'd update you all. He told me hes glad he told me but he already knew lol. Just like to thank you all that gave me advice and by extension the confidence to do it.
     
  8. Mlpguy88

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    Congratulations :slight_smile:
     
  9. lukeluvznicki13

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    Congrats and sounds like all went well :slight_smile:
     
  10. jwgarcia82

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    Congratulations! I truly wish I had your courage. My dad is a macho man... I can't imagine looking him in the eye and telling him...
     
  11. Yossarian

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    When you are ready, look him square in the eye and do it. If he is indeed a "macho man" he will recognize the courage it took for you to do that and respect you for it once the shock wears off. Don't hang your head like you are ashamed of what you are saying; there is nothing to be ashamed about; meet any "attitude" with attitude of your own, as necessary. Sort of like "I'm gay; I didn't choose to be, it chose me and I have to deal with it and all the crap I am going to have to endure in my life because of it. You can choose to help me deal with it, or you can choose to be another one of my problems, but I would like to have you on my side because I love you just as you are and want you to love me just as I am, not what either of us imagined or hoped I would be. "