Ok, so while I was up at school this past year I thought that I would be able to come out this summer when school got out and I was back home. I'd tell my friends, change my Facebook, etc. The whole shebang. And then I came back home when the school year ended, and I remembered why I never came out to my friends in the first place. In 2 days that I've hung out with them, I think I've heard them use the f-bomb 50 times and make fun of gay people a ton. I have some friends who are girls, and they're really vicious to one of my other friends, a guy, who they suspect to be gay. I think they're doing it for the laughs, but it really makes me REALLY uncomfortable when I'm there and they're mouthing off. Some of them are open-minded so I'm pretty sure they'd stop and feel bad if they knew they were insulting gay people in front of me, but a few are pretty narrow and I don't think they'd be accepting. Also, I know that my image of gay people isn't what theirs is. When I think "gay", I think of, well, everyone here. Everyone's different and interesting. But I know for sure that they think of swishy effeminate guys (no offense to anyone who is) who love shopping, squealing, gossiping, etc. And I know they connect "gay" to sex automatically, which is frustrating because I connect it more to a relationship than sex. Also, ever since I came out to my parents, they haven't really talked to me about it. And my mom told me not to tell anyone else, and she's said a couple ignorant things. Rawr, sorry. I just had to rant.
It's a real 'catch 22', isn't it? (No idea where that expression comes from btw...) You don't want to tell them you're gay because they have all these distorted ideas about what being gay means, and they don't like and don't accept thos ideas. But at the same time, if you WERE to come out, suddenly they'd have a real live example of someone that doesn't necessarily fit the stereotypes that they've established in their minds, and you might just change the attitude of a few of them. It sounds like you're not really comfortable around this group anyway, so maybe it's time to come clean and tell them. You'll either 'educate' them, or find out that they weren't really good friends to begin with... Good luck! (*hug*)
There's no need to take it. You don't even have to put yourself on the line, necessarily. If you catch them dissing your gay friend, stand up - for HIM. "I know Bob, and he's actually really cool. Why are you always harshing on him?" And if they give you that wonderful comeback - "He's gay" - just say, "Yeah, so he likes guys. Big deal. Why do you care?" As for your mother, don't feel the need to accept ignorant things from her, either. I wouldn't confront her, but let her know what the facts are. Either explain them to her calmly, or find them online, print them out, and hand them to her. Lex
