I'm a 19 year old college student and I have finally come to accept that I am gay. I am so happy that I have accepted myself, but the more I think about it, I become more and more depressed. I want to come out to my friends and family within the next couple of months. I know that I have to do it some day, so why not do it as soon as possible. I am so terrified to do this. Every night I almost have to cry myself to sleep thinking about the reactions that my friends, parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles, cousins etc are going to have. I just cannot imagine them accepting this. I know that I have to come out or I will just live a life of denial and misery. I am just so scared. Is there anybody out there that can make me feel a little more confident in myself? I can really use anything. From what I've read, you all are great. Thanks
Welp, are these people nice? Are they more of a liberal mindset? Give us more meat. Most of the time, you'll blow everything out of proportion. If there's a chance someone might react badly, you just ASSUME right away that they'll hate you. Most of the time, it's ok and nothing changes.
Congrats on accomplishing the first step, which in my mind is accepting yourself. Accepting yourself takes a lot of courage. I know it's scary the idea of coming out and what their reactions will be but I believe that you have people in your life that love you regardless of your orientation and if not well the great thing about life is that you get the opportunity to meet new people, gain new friends, and find people that will accept you for who you are. You are brave, strong, and no matter what you will never be alone there are so many other just like you and have over come their fears. Take pride in who you are because at the end of the day your happiness is what matters. I will not lie and say everything will go smoothly but I know it does get better. You were strong enough to accept yourself so stay strong and be proud.
I come from a conservative background. The name faggot and queer are thrown around quite a bit in my family, whether from my sisters, father, or other people in my life. I actually counted the number of times of my roommate said faggot last night when we were just chilling (about 15+). I don't think anyone will exile me or want me out of their life, I just feel that there will never be a full acceptance of who I am. Ya know? i feel like I am being a whiney asshole right now but really I have no one else to go to.
I cannot offer advice, but I can tell you about my experiences. I am not out to my family and right now I have no plans to come out to them. I was living 50 miles east of my parents and was basically living my life separate from them (we'd chat on the phone and I'd visit occasionally but otherwise they had no influence). As I started to accept my sexuality I wanted to tell my friends. Like you I could see everything going completely wrong. Finally I worked up the nerve to tell my best friend. It was hard starting the conversation but after I did it I tried to say 'I'm gay" but getting the words to come out of my mouth was like shoving an elephant through a keyhole. Finally I did manage to choke them out. His reaction was one of suprise then followed by general acceptance. Yes, it did take a small impact on our relationship (dude avoided me for about 2 weeks) while he sorted things out in his own mind. It didn't take long before things were back to normal...more ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2013 at 02:19 AM ---------- Well except that he had new ammo for friendly banter (No real malace intended just two friends 'picking on' each other). As time passed I started coming out to more friends and usually got similar responses. Life happened earlier this year and now I'm working 50 miles west of where my parents live I have just started coming out to my friends there and because I'm getting used to it, it is getting easier. I basically just try to work it in to a normal conversation like I did last night. friend) Did you hear we may get off early tonight? me) Yea if we do I'll probably go to the bar. friend) Which one? me) *looks around sees we are only people in break room so I take advantage* "bar name" friend) *doesn't recognise name* is that on 'street'? me) yea it's the gay bar if you take 'street 2' you will run right into it. friend) why are you going to the gay bar? me) because I'm gay friend) You are not me) Yea bro I'm gay! friend) I didn't realise. Hey I got beer at home, you just wanna hang out there? .....more ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2013 at 02:24 AM ---------- We just picked up normal conversation from there. And yes I did hang out and have a few beers. The conversation at his house was the typical 'how long have you known and didn't you say you have a daughter' that I always have but for the most part everybody I've ever told has been equally as cool with it. The biggest thing coming out does is calm you down because you are no longer afraid that you will slip and reveal your secret. Sorry for the multipost my device has a short text limit. ---------- Post added 20th Oct 2013 at 02:25 AM ---------- Well except that he had new ammo for friendly banter (No real malace intended just two friends 'picking on' each other). As time passed I started coming out to more friends and usually got similar responses. Life happened earlier this year and now I'm working 50 miles west of where my parents live I have just started coming out to my friends there and because I'm getting used to it, it is getting easier. I basically just try to work it in to a normal conversation like I did last night. friend) Did you hear we may get off early tonight? me) Yea if we do I'll probably go to the bar. friend) Which one? me) *looks around sees we are only people in break room so I take advantage* "bar name" friend) *doesn't recognise name* is that on 'street'? me) yea it's the gay bar if you take 'street 2' you will run right into it. friend) why are you going to the gay bar? me) because I'm gay friend) You are not me) Yea bro I'm gay! friend) I didn't realise. Hey I got beer at home, you just wanna hang out there? .....more
Well I'll tell you this, my close friend calls things gay, calls people faggots, and says that people "like cock" when he wants to insult someone. He's totally a good guy and he has vowed to find me an awrsome boyfriend. I'm not offended by that sort of stuff, so there's no issue. My other friend from HS makes gay jokes even MORE now that I'm out. He did before but he just tickles himself now! Hahahaha The point is, just because someone says fag or calls people gay doesn't mean they're homophobic. It could, but you have to know the person. I've come out to a few Catholics who are open minded and accepting. They're "true" Christians who live thy neighbor and choose to let God sort us out. So, I won't say that nothing will happen but you have to search your memories and try to think of a TRULY homophobic remark that was said seriously in response to a conversation. If you can't remember any, good! New Jearsey just legalized gay marriage. Toss out a feeler. Talk about current events, and work up to NJ. Then gauge the facial expression, body language, and vocal reaction. That'll give you a surefire indication.
