I just need some advice I have a someone who is my best friend and some other people who i regard as good friends I known them for a few years now. I am just started a serious relationship with a guy I met but my best friend nor do my other close friends even know I am gay. I am not sure if they suspected anything either as i think my personality does not give off any signs I am gay I never been questioned or anything by them ( I have said in the past I am straight when I was in denial). I know i need to tell my best friend at least if anyone because like i said I am now in a serious relationship and the awkwardness of hiding it when he or they are around would just make life harder for myself and partner. I guess if they found out another way it would be worst. I really don't know how to approach this without freaking my friend out I know he not homophobic because when he was at uni he shared with a gay guy. It just the fact he always thought I was straight because really I don't fit the stereotype at all. I kind off afraid He might react or think differently of me because I always said I am not gay in the past when in denial. I don't know if anyone could give me any advice on what to do I am stuck in how i should approach the coming out to my close friends who always thought i was straigh
Hi there! I don't think you have anything to worry about. Don't worry about what he would think of or about you when you do come out to him. Sharing something so personal about yourself with a friend, usually leads to a stronger and better friendship. He might be surprised, if he always thought that you are straight or if you never gave away any clues or hints as to what your sexual orientation could be. Given that he has shared a room with a gay person before, and you know he is not homophobic, he would be a good friend to come out to. I would agree with you that hiding the relationship from others, does make it harder and could even become a strain on your relationship. A good way to approach it would be to perhaps go for a coffee/drink or even just a walk, when you two have some time, and try talking with him, and letting him know about yourself and that you are in a relationship. You can say that you want him to know because it is important to you, and you would like to be able to share things about your life with him.
Thanks for the advice what you said has put a better picture in my mind. I think I will take your advice just I don't want to take the wrong approach which might of created a different reaction. I just going to have to find the right time now and I hope it does not change anything in our friendship because I never told him in the first place.
Reading through this part, I was just wondering, has your friend ever said anything that could lead you to believe that he might not be supportive, despite evidence to the contrary? I should have mentioned in my first post, the fears and uneasiness you are feeling, are normal, and an integral part of coming out for the first time. In trying to come out, you are trying to let go of the guards and walls that you put up, throughout the years. We all have our reasons why we didn't say anything earlier, and usually friends will understand. You can preface your coming out by saying to him that you hope what you are about to say is not going to change the friendship you have with him.
Well because we usually talk about any problem I have I told him a lot and vise versa all the time the fact I thought I could not trust him with this might make him think I was assuming he would have a problem with it in the first place and why could I not tell him this instead of saying I was straight in the past. This is probably just all me thinking what if this and that happens. These thoughts are there can't help it think is because I would not want it to changed things with us as friends. It may sound silly but all these what ifs going through my mind are just there.
I'll bet there is going to be a lot of I told you so-ing from your friends, they tend to see it in you somehow. You could go the silly route, lean back and stare off into space, and just say "How 'bout them dicks?" Or, you could start by telling someone you know will be on your side, and working your way outward from there. In my story, I told my best friend, and then one day sat my friends down, told them about the bullying I had experienced and what it had done to my sense of identity, and then told them that I was coming out as bi. and they were completely okay with it. Then another buddy walked in, and one friend asked if I planned to tell the latest guy. So I said, "Hey Garrett, guess who's bisexual?." "Is it you?" "Yup." "Well that was easy!" My friends were just laughing by that point. That was the day I became 1000x better at gay jokes than they are. They still try it but somehow I always manage to turn it into a flirt, which makes them go COMPLETELY red, every time.
It doesn't sound silly at all. It is quite normal to have these thoughts. (*hug*) You said a further important point: you can talk about any problem. Here is the thing though, it doesn't mean that you would make assumptions about him. Coming out and being open about your sexuality is not easy. Before you can say something, you need to be okay with it, and comfortable with yourself. Any good friend will understand that. When I started coming out, I had similar thoughts and fears. But with every coming out, I realized that everybody was very understanding why I didn't say anything earlier. The first time I came out was to a friend of mine. At the time, we knew each other for about four years. When he talked about dating girls, and eventually his girlfriend, I would always go along with and actually even go to the length of trying to find a girl, and talking with him about it. When I finally came out to him, all of what I had said previously about wanting to find a girlfriend, didn't matter anymore. All that mattered is that I was able to come out to him, and able to share it with him.
Thanks for the responses again just he is on holiday now be back this week. So I guess I have time to prepare for it, hope it turns out it was just my own thoughts getting in the way of telling him in the first place. I hope that maybe if it ends well it make me more able to tell my other friends in the future without worrying as my closest friend knows and is fine with it.
Ők i have done it and told my best friend it énded up well. He didnt really seem shocked or even cared just said so when are you going to introduce me to this guy your seeing. Guess i was worrying over nothing i just had a long chat after a walk. I think he may of figured it out already but it never really bothered him huge weight of my shoulders. He was supportive and said he was happy that i felt i could talk to him about it. The advice given here worked thanks again.
