Is it necessary to C/O as Bi?

Hi! Welcome come out when u feel ready x

 

This is exactly the question I asked on the forum a couple of months ago, thinking I would feel stupid if I ended up with a guy and everyone assumed the bi thing was just a phase. I chose to start coming out as bi for several reasons. Firstly, because if I'm not out, I can't really go out with a woman and I really want to - if I stay in, I'm limiting myself to men. Secondly, because if I'm not out, then everyone assumes I'm straight and it bugs me pretending that I only want to meet men. And thirdly, I figured that even if I do end up with a guy, I will want to be open with him about who I am.

 

I've never understood why people need to come out, like you don't come out if your straight? I just find the whole thing daunting, and I don't trust anyone enough to tell, despite having a good circle of friends.

 

If we lived in a perfect world, no one would need to come out because no one would assume what sexuality you were. But in our society, everyone assumes you're straight unless you come out, so many people feel like they're being forced to live a lie or hide their true self. You don't have to come out if you don't want to, but hiding all your life will bring its own problems. Of course, it is bloody difficult so I don't blame you for holding back.

 

Exactly! People just amuse u are and they shouldn't x

 

You have literally just described my situation so fully its scary. I too have recently come to terms with the fact I like girls and guys, but have only ever dated guys. Im "out" to alot of my friends and the people I work with, but none of my family know. I think it is important that they do know eventually, even if I do end up in a relationship with a guy because I feel like Im lying to my family sometimes. For example, when I tell a funny work story I sometimes have to change small parts to not say the bit that highlights my attraction to women. I dont like having to do that, and I have decided I would like to tell my family, but haven't yet.

I think, if/ when Im lucky enough to meet a girl I want to date, this will be the turning point for me when I will fully be able to come out to my family. And maybe it would be for you too? If you found a girl you really cared about you'd want your family to know, and it would make the whole "coming out" process alot easier.

 

Hello, sister.

Being bisexual is a gift, but it has a real cost to it. That cost is that people will be confused, and some lesbian women might treat you terribly (because when they are at their worst, they are worse than gay men as far as multisexual hatred goes).

But, in order to make use of the wonderful gift you have, you have to tell people. Also, if you are out yourself, you might make someone else feel better to come out. At least, that person will know someone is on her side.

Also, if you come out, then other lesbians and bi women will know that you are a potential partner.

Ziester Adrian

 

If you do come out, I'm sure everyone will accept you, and if they don't, they're having problems of there own. If you feel the need to come out, do it. Whatever you're comfortable with.

 

I've known I was bi since middle school but aside from one person have only recently started to tell people. The reason I decided to come out was because I'd made peace with it myself and had gotten over the self-loathing that I'd felt for so long, and I wanted to stop carrying the burden alone. It's possible that tomorrow I will meet the girl of my dreams and we will have a wonderful heterosexual relationship that lasts forever, but I feel so much better for having told even a couple of people.

So my message to you is that if coming out makes you feel more at peace with yourself and less like you're carrying around a giant burden, do it, even if it's only to a couple people.

 

I didn't realise I was bi until after dating my girlfriend. I always thought I was straight! I have a few friends that know and my parents did find out, I'm still waiting for the right moment to tell my new flatmates but I really want to be able to. It's SO much easier with the friends that know, we can go out clubbing at "straight" and "gay" places, talk about attraction to both guys and girls. It's just a lot more open.

With my flatmates however it's the whole, only go to the "straight" places and talk about "fit guys" and never this whole other side to me or my girlfriend. If you think you're ready to tell people- I wasn't with my parents and it went wrong, but with my friends it was great- then do it. Good luck!

 

I am quite relieved to read all the posts in this thread! You all say such similar things to what I'm "sort of" going through. One of my best friends got me the job I currently have and he's gay and used to tell everyone he is -- I never quite knew the point of that -- but he hasn't worked there in years and now I am with completely different co-workers, though we have a lot of fun together. They are all young women: two are teens and the other is twenty.

We joke about guys a lot, but I often try to use the word "person" whenever referring to someone they or I would be attracted to. They know I studied gender and sexuality in college and how I try to avoid gender terms, but I also use "person" to hint that I'm not heterosexual. I'm not sure if it's really necessary to come out because as I said I wasn't sure it was really necessary for my friend to tell everyone. I always felt it 'should' be irrelevant what someone's sexual orientation is. People should just focus on the person for who they are character-wise. I 'do' understand and agree that sometimes coming out can help if those you are telling happen to be questioning or hiding their sexual orientation, but if it doesn't then I'm not sure what the point is; unless, it makes you feel more free.

I'm also pagan and I don't tell everyone about that, either, so before I realized my bisexuality, a few years ago, I have known what it's like to not bring up certain things just because they aren't assumed. Assumption is one of the biggest issues in our society.