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By not wanting to hurt anyone I only hurts self worse

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Vistalarga, Oct 21, 2013.

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  1. Vistalarga

    Vistalarga
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    I really want to be me. I haven't come out really to anyone yet I'm sure most suspect I am a lesbian. I don't like to label myself and I have not been with a woman. But I have always been drawn to women intellectually and physically. I have been in a relationship with an older man for 8 years. The last 4 years it has mainly been just a good friendship. Sexually we are not there and it's mainly because of me simply not wanting him in that way anymore. I do care about him and he has known from the beginning even before we were in a relationship that I liked women. If he hadnt Persued me I probably never would have been in a relationship with a man. I increasing long to be with a woman. I have had numerous crushes but never acted. The man I'm in a relationship with thinks I should find a woman to be with with him involved and I have tried to explain that if I were to be with a woman that he would not be involved. I have told him I am a one person person. I don't want to hurt him. He has given up a lot to be with me. But I'm just feeling stuck. I don't want to sneak around to be able to find myself but I'm not gonna lie it has crossed my mind. He has said that after me he doesn't want to carry on with life. And he is very serious, and I could not live with the thought that he would hurt himself mortally if I were to be with someone else. I don't know what to do.:bang:
     
    #1 Vistalarga, Oct 21, 2013
  2. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    The dude will get over you. He won't like it, but he will. It's not fair to him to string him along forever knowing full well you won't every be able to give him what he wants. It's not fair to you to stay with him knowing that you can never have what you want!

    Also, telling you that if you break up with him he 'doesn't want to carry on with life', in other words suggesting he'll end it all, is emotional blackmail. All KINDS of wrong.
     
    #2 BookDragon, Oct 22, 2013
  3. paris

    paris
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    ^^^I couldn't agree more^^^
    If he truly loved you he'd want you to be happy more than anything, even though it'd mean to let you go. Instead he offers you threesome, blackmails you emotionally and makes you feel guilty.
    It was his choice to give up a lot to be with you, you didn't want to be with him in the first place and he knows it.
    Remember, you owe him nothing but you owe yourself! You owe yourself to be happy and your happiness is not with him or any other man and you know it. I wish you find the strength to follow your own road, you deserve to be happy.
     
    #3 paris, Oct 22, 2013
  4. BiPenguin

    BiPenguin
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    That is a tough situation you are in. If you are a lesbian, then remaining in the relationship you are in can only cause you serious emotional issues but to break it off also hurts.

    You have to look after yourself and that takes being true to who you really are.
     
    #4 BiPenguin, Oct 22, 2013
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