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Why Do I Always Turn Down This Alley?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jocr92, Jun 6, 2008.

  1. jocr92

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    Hey :grin:

    I haven't logged on to this website since February and i really thank those who actually helped me alot with my whole problems and such. For the past... erm idk. four months, i didnt need this website anymore. I felt that I had enough help and support and since all of my friends already know im bi... but now that im back here on the forums, I feel kind of... disappointed and weak for actually coming back to this pill of dependance on people i dont even know.

    All of my friends honestly dont care, one of my best friends is bi and another is gay. My other best friends could take me either way, they told me that. But I feel distant more than ever from them and i know its not because of my sexuality. I feel even more distant from my parents and i just dont like their company any more and i feel like im blaming my sexuality on that space.

    One problem... well two is that i actually asked two of my gay friends out and well, like every other time, i was rejected. And I believed that i have come over that and actually going thru what I went thru (confusion, hate, etc) made me realize alot of things and actually opened doors.

    But I really dont know what it is. I just feel so dependant on people (like i always do) and I... as much i want to be independant and be able to hold the title of independancy, I always turn to people and it fustrates me to the point where it affects other areas in my life such as my ego and self esteem. I begin to hate myself and the hate is infectious on my mind and i start to hate the way i look, the liar that i am, the person that i was (mind you, was is not a typo).

    And love is something that makes me curl up. I just cant stand to see couples, at all. I guess it makes me jealous but i just cant stand... well there are alot of things i cant stand.

    I guess that i just need that sense where i feel that... someone is there for me. I think that i've grown up with that sense and now that i dont feel it, i hunger for it.

    W/e forget it
     
  2. Gumtree

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    I haven't logged on to this website since February and i really thank those who actually
    helped me alot with my whole problems and such. For the past... erm idk. four months, i didnt need this website anymore. I felt that I had enough help and support and since all of my friends already know im bi... but now that im back here on the forums, I feel kind of... disappointed and weak for actually coming back to this pill of dependance on people i dont even know.


    May i ask why you feel weak for wanting help?

    Whether you know us or not it doesn't change the advise we will give.


    Man kind is designed to long among others' not alone, you will never survive without the help of other's, even if its just trivial things like holding your coffee when you pick something up, or big things like social acceptance.



    All of my friends honestly dont care, one of my best friends is bi and another is gay. My other best friends could take me either way, they told me that. But I feel distant more than ever from them and i know its not because of my sexuality. I feel even more distant from my parents and i just dont like their company any more and i feel like im blaming my sexuality on that space.


    Can you be more specific on distant? Is that you don't feel you are as close to them? Are you not as included in outings or family events as u use to be? Do you no longer share common interests or are u just bored with their company?

    Maybe it's because you're all changing and it's time you moved on to new friends. I know this sounds harsh but I'm not saying leave your old friends behind. Just try something new with someone you don't know, might make a best friend out of them!


    One problem... well two is that i actually asked two of my gay friends out and well, like every other time, i was rejected. And I believed that i have come over that and actually going thru what I went thru (confusion, hate, etc) made me realize alot of things and actually opened doors.


    This doesn't seem like a problem to me, more of a positive experience. Unless there's something you're not telling us, try look at it like that aswel :slight_smile:


    But I really dont know what it is. I just feel so dependant on people (like i always do) and I... as much i want to be independant and be able to hold the title of independancy, I always turn to people and it fustrates me to the point where it affects other areas in my life such as my ego and self esteem. I begin to hate myself and the hate is infectious on my mind and i start to hate the way i look, the liar that i am, the person that i was (mind you, was is not a typo).

    And love is something that makes me curl up. I just cant stand to see couples, at all. I guess it makes me jealous but i just cant stand... well there are alot of things i cant stand.

    I guess that i just need that sense where i feel that... someone is there for me. I think that i've grown up with that sense and now that i dont feel it, i hunger for it.



    Insecurity and loneliness, something that EVERYONE fights with sometime in there life. There is not much you can do about it but try and see the silver lining. I'm sure if you look you will find plenty of people that love you. Love doesn't mean holding hands and kissing at night; that's just one type of it and something most people mistake for the strongest and most important type.

    Self loathing is very unhealthy but worst of all; totally irrational!
    Most of the time there is absolutely no logical reason behind why someone believes they look bad or why their personality is so unattractive.

    Before you make judgments on yourself, ask other people first and actually believe what they say. You seem like a mature guy; relationships will come and go, your body will change and so will the way the think and act. Your 15, don't try to be independent, the time for you to learn life responsibility will come when you need it, why else would they say the older are wiser?

    Good luck!
     
  3. jocr92

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    I dont want to move on to new friends because i have the hardest time making new friends. I honestly love them, i really do but i just dont feel close to them any more

    and its not so much that im not included, i just feel that distance.

    im just sad i guess that high school ends in two years -____-
     
  4. Louise

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    However independant you want to be or will become in the future you will always need people in your life, you will always have to turn to people from time to time. We as human beings are social creature and crave the attention and interaction with other people, this is what makes us a 'society' and not lone bull elephants who roam the planes alone all their lives because that is how they are made.

    At 15 you cannot be 100% independant you rely on your parents for food, clothing and housing and as a result must live by their rules, etc. etc. Independance is not all it is cracked up to be, with it comes equal quantites of responsability so make the most of your childhood while you can.

    Feeling jealous of what other people have and you don't is all part of adolescence, excuse me if this sound condesending it isn't meant to be but many many young people are in the same situation as you, you notice all the couples around you and would like to be like them. We don't notice people alone because they tend not to hang round in public places on their own, but there are plenty of lonely people out there.

    It would make your life a lot easier if you stop trying to want things you can't or don't have. Being totally independant at the age of 15 is just not realistic. Accept the help and support of the people around you and sooner or later you will come across someone who wants to go out with you, take your time you will find the right person for you.
     
  5. Jim1454

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    I have to agree with some of the points above - you're only 15!!!

    You're not meant to be independant. You're not meant to be figuring out your whole life. You're not meant to have serious, long term relationships (despite what you get told through movies and TV).

    It sounds like you're still not entirely comfortable with yourself. THAT will cause you to keep yourself distant from your friends. And if your parents don't know that you're bi, I'm guessing that is also what is causing you to feel uncomfortable when you're around them. It depends on whether that discomfort is worse or better than how you'd feel if you actually told them - only knowing that can you decide if you're better off coming out to them or not.

    But don't worry about coming here for help. That's what we're all here for. And to have a few laughs too! Good luck.