So theres this guy and he's been my best friend for about 2 years now. theres this girl who introduced me to this guy, she has been one of my best friends for about 4 years. Oh yea, did i mention the guy and the girl have been going out for 3 years. So its been a nice thing, having two best friends, who care if they were going out. Well the sad thing about this story is...i fell in love with the boy. It was the textbook definiton of unrequited love. I would have him sleep over every now and then because he lives out of town and so he could spend more time with his girlfriend, and also to hang out with me. Though he was still my best friend, these feelings like grew unwantingly for him. It got to the point where i would get upset when he and my friend (his gf) would go out for alone time and it woudl leave me furious when im just pretending to have a joyous smile on my face. I would put up through all of that just for his company when he would come back at night and we would hang out at my house. So i kept my feelings to myself, even tho impulsive stares or looks would leak out every now and then, but i thought it be better than him knowing about how i felt for him. I thought if he knew, it would drive him away, and he would tell his gf, who would want nothing to do with me, cuz i wanted her boyfriend. I was going to never tell him at all, until last night when he shared some very personal information (unrelated to my dilema) and so i felt the need to share this. He was cool with it, he didnt get mad. He said he always knew, i always showed signs of caring a little too much for him. It would have been all and well from there if he didnt suggest what i most feard. He said that maybe he shouldnt sleep over anymore and in college he shouldnt talk to me until i get this feelings straightened out. My heart basically sank, right there i felt like dying. My mind was literally just...out of equilibrium, i was a mess, there were unseen tears, unheard yells, unseen or heard hurting of myself (he was asleep). I basically started a massive war within myself. My brain is telling me that its the best thing to distance myself from him, because it would give me the chance to move on and possibly find someone else. Also his gf/my best friend already suspected something and grew angry when me and him would spend too much time together, because she knew what was going on in my head. So this is a way to obtain two friendships. However, my heart is screaming for him to not go. This guy really is the person i care most about right now, he was the first person i came out to. He's the one who i came to when i was scared or had a problem, or was just completely upset. He came by and made everything better, never tried to make me feel left out, always made sure i wasnt bored while hanging out, etc...things a best friend would do. Add on the physcial attraction and theres me falling for him. I dont know what to do, im at a lose lose situation here. If i go with my heart, im stuck with these feelings for life and its going to possibly forever haunt me. If i go with my brain, i have to basically erase the person i most care about from my mind. Im scared, alone, i havent slept, i dont know what to do....
Sorry i have no deep and meaningful advise but next time, paragraphs please. So, you have 2 options. You have confronted him and now know it will never happen. Either keep dreaming or move on. Well let me tell you now if u keep dreaming your gonna move anyway just because after a few years u wont be able to take loving him anymore. Why waste that time and just try to move on now? I love how i make it sound so easy. Move on, now! Doooooooo it!
Hi There is probably a lot I could say but I don't have the time right now. I guess you're desperate for an answer, so I thought a short post rather than nothing would be better. If you really love the friendship these two have to offer then you know what you must do. Your friend is making it easier for you by distancing himself. He hasn't said he doesn't want to be your friend any longer. He can see what will happen, what you fear. Don't let your friend(s) down by letting your heart blind what you know you should do. I know it will be hard but you've got to do it. Explain to him your dilemma to see if he can suggest anything. I'm sure he would want to help. Eventually, you'll get over how you feel and you'll still have two fantastic friends. Do you really want to lose all that for something that will never happen? Good luck.
It's unbearable to hear the advice that Gumtree and Bromptonrocks gave, but it's true. I was in a similar situation, and I chose to go with my heart. Looking back, I probably would have done it all the same, but my advice to anyone else would be to save yourself the pain and believe what he says. No joke.
omg, Malchik, I feel so sorry for you. You need a hug, and even though I can't personally go there, here's an E-hug (*hug*) I totally feel what your going through. I mean, I'm in the same situation, but with some things different. I haven't told him and stuff, but anyway, back to you. I know the feeling of loving someone that the mere sight of them makes you feel happy, and it you'd do anything just to spend time with him and all in the world to be right. Good thing is, at least you've told him! At least you've got that off your chest. I know its hard to say this, and it sounds easier than it actually is, its better for the two off you to be apart. Eventually, you will find someone else, and hopefully, replace that empty void he left. I mean, if you just kept this lie going on forever, it will just keep hurting more and more. I know this may sound impossible, but it isn't. I'm sorry I'm the person to tell you this, it will hurt, but you just have to accept the facts. Life isn't always a fairy tale where he'll just leap into your arms as soon as you confess to him. (&&&)
Thanks guys, your words are really like lifting me off the slippery kitchen floor that is my life right now ^^
this is honestly one of the most sticky "Lose Lose" situation i have ever seen on EC... like, totally; but one thing i can tell u is that it's just sad for you that u can't be with him. and not because he has a gf but he is obviously straight and ur gay. I can understand why his gf(ur friend) would be upset but not to the point where she should feel threatened which is what i am understanding from the situation. Pretty much she feel treatened by u likeing her bf and that is a stupid thing to feel insecure about because unless she knows something that u don't like (her bf is secretly bi or seomthing) then she got no reason to be insecure about her relationship with her bf. :dry: in addition, u got to eat something....as much as i am sure u would want to go on a diet, starving is NOT the answer trust me i should know. It dosn't mkae sence u go nuts trying to erase him from ur memory; it just make sence to let it go and i will put it in another cenario. Lets say u were a girl right, and the story line remains, would u want to date ur best friend's boyfriend? think about it...what does that make you..... i can understand that you are all a network of friends but u would have realised in the end that it just would not have worked. so move on sweety, he said he didn't want to sleep over ur house anymore and if it's one thing i have learnt...when someone wants to walk out of ur life LET THEM GO. a few years from now ur gonna be looking back and sayign to urself "wtf was i thinking! i must have real desperate or something"...it might sound harsh now but look into it. i speak with good intentions -Alex.
You're welcome. Eventually, the polish on that slippery floor will disappear and it won't be so slippery! It will work out. (*hug*)
